Rejection survival 101

“No” is never a nice answer. There is no easy way to reject somebody. Turning someone down is uncomfortable and leaves one feeling hurt. 

We have all been the rejectee, just as we have all bashfully been rejected.  While some choose to be confrontational and rip off the band-aid quickly, others will simply ignore phone calls and go M.I.A. until they buzz off.  

A good friend of mine, who we will call Layla, hooks guys left and right. Rather than choosing the most handsome ones, she selects a guy who has potential to become cool. It is a ‘Build-a-bro’ project that Layla takes pride in. After she boosts their confidence with admiration and runs her hands through hair that she suggests should be cut, she walks. The guy is left confused and clings for her company to return.

But Layla’s work is done, and his confusion will dwindle away with his new swagger.  

Technology has made rejection particularly difficult. Giving someone the wrong phone number is useless. First, you are busted if they pull the “Thanks, I am calling you now so that you may store mine too” line and nothing rings. If phone numbers were a significant tracking source, then apparently Facebook is legit as long as your existence with the world proceeds. Don’t you just love receiving a friend request from that random creeper you met at a party last weekend? And you thought you escaped.  

But it gets worse — Oncourse. I did not think anyone would ever expand their social horizons on a site designated for homework assignments and syllabi. My jaw dropped when I read a date invitation from a postmaster: student role e-mail.  In all respects to those happy couples that met online, I do not feel comfortable dating on the Internet. Cyber-sorry.  

The book cover cliché works both ways with rejection.  

In a “Will and Grace” episode, Karen rejoiced over finally meeting the man of her dreams. In glee, she raised a champagne glass to toast their new relationship. He responded that he did not drink alcohol, which quickly turned Karen’s smile upside down. “This is not going to work out.”

In high school, I did not hesitate turning down a guy strutting around in polo shirts with a loud, obnoxious laugh. Nor did I hesitate the second or the third time he asked me out. After contemplating my mother’s advice that any guy could be the next Bill Gates, I decided to give in to his fourth attempt. We saw “Superbad” at the movie theater and then went out to dinner to eat “penis-shaped food.” Although I was initially deterred by his cocky demeanor, we connected and continued to date for over a year.

There are moments when rejection is necessary. Trusting your gut instinct is smart.
However the mentality that it is not meant to be can only register so far. What if Lois Lane had been a better investigative reporter and saw the Superman behind Clark Kent’s geeky glasses? Perhaps we should think twice before “being too busy” or “loosing our phone.” At this point, I would be happy to give my phone number to anyone willing to talk to a sex and dating columnist.