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(07/25/12 11:43pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>Probably the most annoying thing that’s happened to me recently was hearing how happy the IU class of 2016 is about the future. Maybe I’m just a sour, old 2012 graduate, but something about their optimism irks me.A few weeks ago I was sitting on the A bus, riding from the stadium back to the corner of Indiana Avenue and Third Street. I watched three young go-hards step on and sit in the front. It was just them and me on the bus, so I couldn’t help but overhear their awkward conversation.There were two pretty girls and a nerdy-looking, acne-ridden fellow who I’m sure back at home would never have talked to them out of unnerving fear of rejection. But this is college, and everyone gets a new start to be cool, right?I’d say give the kid a month or two after the opiate-esque euphoria of Welcome Week fades and he’ll remember his shame. Like we all did.They were here for a camp of some sort, or orientation, and discussed what their intended majors were and what classes they were excited for. From a distance, I thought about letting them know whatever plans they had for their time here at IU would undoubtedly change substantially by the time they graduate. I know mine did.I wanted to ruin their day by telling them how difficult life will soon become and how they were idiots to think they were actual adults, but I didn’t. I kept it to myself because I’m not much better. I just sat there and listened to them giggle about “getting baked” at Baked! of Bloomington. Which is a tell-tale sign they have never smoked weed before.What annoyed me the most about the situation wasn’t their innocent laughter and impending happiness of that first Keystone Light in a dorm room far away from Mom and Dad. It was hearing them talk about how by the time they get out of college, they will have a better job market to work with — dodging the draft of unemployment through deferment like it’s 1969.I chuckled to myself then and still do now because that’s what everyone told me when I started my education at IU at the beginning of the Great Recession, and that is simply not the case for the class of 2012. If you’re my age, you’re likely to be employed but possibly unpaid or underemployed. The Economic Policy Institute puts unemployment of new college grads at 9.4 percent and underemployment of the same group of people at 19.1 percent. Interning has replaced the entry-level position for many industries, which means if you want to get a job first you must slave away for a few months for free. If you wanted to move to a big city after graduation, let’s hope it has a good homeless shelter. Between paying off student loans, credit card debt and stuffing your face with cheap vendor food, you’ll be lucky if you can afford to pay rent without having a second job.Not to say a college degree isn’t worth it anymore, because the unemployment rate of those with just a high school degree is more than three times as high, at 31.1 percent. The point I’m trying to make is do not waste your time here in Bloomington, and moderate your schwaste. There are plenty of opportunities here to make you a more employable person, but it means taking on the responsibility of an extracurricular instead of day drinking every Saturday — that’s what Thursday’s for.Find an internship in town or get experience where you can. The IDS is a good place for journalism majors, and it baffles me how many of them don’t try it out.It could be worse; we don’t have nearly the unemployment problems like they have in Spain, where one in five people under 30 are still looking for their first job.But if I could give any unsolicited advice as a guy who was born, raised and about to leave the same 3-mile radius he’s lived in for the last 22 years here in Bloomington, it’s that you must think ahead, farther than one semester at a time.Always have a back-up plan, and for the love of science, God or what-have-you in between, be nice to each other. I don’t know why I have to tell you this, but somewhere between kindergarten and middle school we seem to forget the difference it can make and the connections you will have for it.If someone had told me that back when I was a freshman, I might be employable right now.— nicjacob@indiana.edu
(07/18/12 11:16pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>No doubt you all have heard of the treasonous injustice the U.S. Olympic Committee committed purchasing fabulous uniforms designed by Ralph Lauren in America but manufactured in China. And even though it makes me sick to my stomach to think about our Olympians lifting heavy things and running really fast in efficiently crafted Chinese singlets, there is something far worse to be angry about.For years, Kilroy’s on Kirkwood has been handing out free T-shirts on Thursdays — designed and printed in America but manufactured in Mexico. We need to burn all of the KOK shirts that were not made by American textile manufacturers and start again.I had never felt so betrayed by an American company like KOK and Underground Printing. Then I started to look around the house to see what else is made by foreigners.I nearly seized in horror when I realized the only thing made in America in my house was me. Even my favorite Fourth of July KOK tank was made south of the border.This must change, for America.I believe our juniors and seniors need to get Midwest-wasted in shirts made in America. We should also pour American distilled whiskey down our throat-holes and vomit delicious, American-made pepperoni breadsticks into American manufactured toilets. Just like the founding fathers intended.Thankfully, just about every member of Congress is behind me on this issue.“There is no compelling reason why all of the uniforms cannot be made here on U.S. soil at the same price, at better quality,” Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand, D-N.Y., and Rep. Steve Israel, D-N.Y., wrote in a letter (most likely typed on a computer made in Asia) to Lawrence Probst, chairman of the U.S. Olypmic Comittee.Sen. Bernie Sanders, D-Vt., agreed when he said, “There is no reason why U.S. Olympic uniforms are not being manufactured in the U.S.”Economists say these foreign countries enjoy a concept called “comparative advantage” in the textile industry. They tell me a country has a “comparative advantage” at producing something if it can produce a product at lower cost than anyone else. I’m not entirely sure what this means, and I prefer to ignore their black magic anyway.Ralph Lauren and Underground Printing need to stop exporting American jobs to China and Mexico, even if it means they need to pay a comfortable American wage to do it. They are hurting American textile workers who don’t exist anymore.“Today, there are 600,000 vacant manufacturing jobs in this country, and the Olympic committee is outsourcing the manufacturing of uniforms to China? That is not just outrageous, it’s just plain dumb. It is self-defeating,” Israel said.Yeah, what he said — I hate how convenient and cheap the world is with global trade.As a citizen of the greatest country that has existed, ever — the United States of America — I think we should stop trading with the outside world.I’m glad that even in this age of partisan politics, where Congress can’t work together on anything substantive like passing the budget or funding the government in general, we can all agree — America first.— nicjacob@indiana.edu
(07/11/12 10:23pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>Barack “Taxein” Obama is at it again. He’s announced a plan to extend the Bush tax cuts for only the first $250,000 of taxable income and only for the next year. Any income above that will be taxed at 39.6 percent like it was in the Clinton years. That’s more than 4 percent higher than their current liability. Obama hates job creators.This could not come at a worse time; if the job creators see their tax shelter dim, they’re likely to go back to their summer homes to sit with the A/C on, and we will have six more weeks of economic stagnation. As an unemployed graduate, I must put my foot down to show I’m not hostile to job creators.We need the job creators to jovially stuff our stockings, nailed to poorly maintained chimneys across America, with employment. Sweet, slightly higher-than-minimum-wage employment. All they want in return is a little bit of our median income, a cup of milk and cookies. Even some of Obama’s colleagues in Congress are baffled by his abandonment of the once majestic job creator. They won’t come back if you clap for them like Tinker Bell. Now, if we throw them a few bones, they will gain the self-confidence needed to take the plunge and invest their money in publicly traded businesses again.It’s true, job creators suffer from a severe case of low self-confidence. They’re like the kids on “My Super Sweet 16”: If they don’t get at least an Escalade for their birthday, their night is ruined. How are they supposed to roll out with the gang in a Sedan? You can’t create a job from a Yaris, Mr. Obama. You need at least a hybrid Sonata to feel comfortably above your employees.The American economy needs to keep the wheels greased with plenty of people paying the lowest marginal tax rates in the developed world or things will turn bad, like in Europe. Job creators in Europe are practically an endangered species.The House Republicans have it correct. We need to limit the amount of uncertainty the job creators face. This is most fashionably accomplished by re-gifting the money we were going to fund services that you and the 311 million other people in this country use on a daily basis and give it to the job creators in the form of a tax cut. What were they going to do with the extra money saved, anyway? Buy things?Obama is obviously pandering to the bottom 98 percent of Americans who enjoy the work the job creators let them do. Wow, Obama, way to thumb your nose at 17 million Americans who manage more than 30 percent of our nation’s wealth. We can’t take that money from them; they were using that doing something, probably creating jobs for people in other countries.— nicjacobs@indiana.edu
(07/04/12 8:12pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>Trying to pinpoint one central issue that pervades the entire 2012 election is difficult to say the least. That is, unless you remember your lessons from kindergarten and then take a look at Washington’s dysfunction. Remember when your only goal for the week was to learn how to cooperate with others? Remember when sharing meant caring? The moral problems we face as a nation are not homosexuals marrying to thumb their nose at your institutions, senior citizens smoking marijuana with their grandchildren and “out-of-control” women demanding abortions. The moral problem we face as a nation is our incredible lack of community or a sense of duty. And all of this partisanship does not make it any better. Remember, our representatives are supposed to represent the will of the people, not the party. Maybe that has something to do with the inherit individualist nature of the American spirit, or maybe it has something to do with the laziness induced by instant gratification in the form of celebrity tweets, trendy memes and websites focused entirely on pictures of cats trying to eat cheeseburgers.If it doesn’t benefit me right here and right now, then why should I even bother? How do I envision the use of the money they pull out of my paycheck when there’s no live webcam feed?The problem with America is our immaturity when it comes to helping each other out. Yes, I understand the one rule that governs the state of nature is survival of the fittest, but that is why we have government.One of my friends posted an excerpt from a newspaper mocking the hilarious hypocrisy of the Department of Agriculture handing out more free meals and food stamps than ever before. Yet at the same time, the Department of Interior warns visitors of our national parks to not feed the animals because they “will grow dependent on handouts and will not learn to take care of themselves.” The fundamental flaw of this argument is that the people who benefit from food stamps are not animals. This is fairly simple in my eyes.Just using rough numbers here, Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program’s (SNAP) budget for fiscal year 2011 was $75.6 billion. Now, divide that by the roughly 53 percent of Americans who actually pay taxes (~185 million), and you get a per-person liability of about $412 per year.Now, for your average anti-food stamp, small-government kind of person, generally well-off, $412 is probably less than a week’s worth of wages. Hell, if you’re a lawyer, you probably make that in an afternoon. But for the average minimum wage worker who benefits from this program, it takes them more than 50 hours of washing dishes or flipping burgers to make the same amount of money.Now thinking about the diminishing marginal utility of each additional dollar owned, it should be more than obvious that those who benefit from the program value that money at least a little more.I understand it’s your money and you want it now, but how about showing a little compassion for the people who have to tell their kids they won’t be eating dinner tonight because some D.I.N.K.s want to buy Kobe beef (not realizing they can’t even buy it in America).I’m not trying to say if you disagree with food stamps you’re a bad person. I’m saying if you can’t pay forward $412 in one year to help about four struggling American families buy groceries ($133.14 is the average payout per month) , you should probably take a good look at yourself in the mirror.I’m not sure if people realize this, but everyone in America pays taxes in some form or another. Yes, some people pay more and some people seemingly pay none, but in the end we all pay what we can. The economy is flapping up and down erratically like a fish out of water, and millions of Americans are struggling to make ends meet. Indeed, you don’t have to be a part of the bottom 99 percent to feel it. This is a problem we all face.And the first step to solving this problem is going back to kindergarten, learning how to be decent doggone human beings and beginning to work together again. This is wholly plausible, as long as we stop cutting public education budgets across America.— nicjacob@indiana.edu
(06/27/12 10:28pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>Since I have to turn in these columns a few days in advance, I don’t actually know how the Supreme Court will rule on the healthcare debate. However, that does not stop me from committing to a tangent of how the individual mandate of the Affordable Care Act might affect the future of how we pay for the Internet.Follow me here. One of the reasons why people argue in favor of the individual mandate is because healthcare should be a universal right. If you are wounded by a life-threatening paper cut from the pages of this newspaper, you shouldn’t have to die because you didn’t have enough money to go to the ER and get stitches. That would be a horribly cruel way to die.Around this time last year, the United Nations declared Internet access a universal human right. If the American government is in the business of preserving our rights, it needs to mandate data plans, because according to the UN we need the Internet to be minimally functioning human beings.Essentially, you would pay for a general Internet account with which you can draw data from for your phone, iPad and computer. This is similar to how Verizon and AT&T are restructuring their business model for data plans. They sell one Internet account with a maximum data allotment shared between all devices, cellphone or computer.The mandate is a tax you have to pay if you don’t want to buy healthcare. Even if you don’t have health insurance you’re probably going to use a hospital at some point, and this tax is supposed to help factor in that cost to society.Now, think about a tax that everyone pays if you own a smartphone or computer but you don’t want to buy Internet. The rationale being, a consumer will use Internet at some point, maybe to send out Tea Party chain letters at a café with free Wi-fi. If they use it they should have to pay for it in some way.Wireless Internet should fall from the heavens like a sweet ambrosia of knowledge and cute pets wherever an American needs it.And on that note, state and federal government would be forced to use some of that collected tax money to increase cyber infrastructure, which would require putting people of various skill levels to work.Now please, ignore how incredibly socialist this model is, because this would effectively socialize the costs of the Internet industry.But think about how incredibly convenient it would be to Google anything, anywhere. Or be able to communicate with whomever you wanted, whenever you wanted, wherever you wanted via social media and apps like Skype?This increase in the use of Internet would connect every American like some sort of telepathic beehive of creation and consumption. Oh yes, a hive mind where everyone knows the next best video of a corgi flopping into water as soon as it is posted on YouTube.But, uh, remember, this all hinges on the Supreme Court ruling in favor of the idea that government can mandate healthcare insurance.So, if it strikes that down, and you read the previous 500 words, I apologize that I am not apologetic because I just fixed the economy and got everyone access to high-speed pornography. Also: Could you beer me that Nobel Prize, bro?— nicjacob@indiana.edu
(06/20/12 10:03pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>On the second-to-last day before Michigan’s House of Representatives recessed for the summer, two state representatives were removed from discussing HB 5711, a bill regulating abortion clinics introduced by Rep. Bruce Rendon.Rep. Barb Byrum was held from speaking after causing a ruckus by submitting an amendment to the bill limiting vasectomy procedures to men in medical emergencies.This amendment elicited a common response in the minds of the male representatives in the room: “But how am I supposed to cheat on my wife without the chances of setting up a franchise?” One thing leads to another, and you become responsible for the life of another young go-hard for the following 18 years. The next thing you know, you’re using campaign money to pay for your bastard child’s college fund and yearly copies of FIFA so he’ll keep his damn lid shut. No one wants to be the next John Edwards. Let’s face it, you can’t regulate vasectomies. It’s an undue burden on the goals of men.The other person removed from the room was Rep. Lisa Brown. She was sent out after she used the word, uh, “vagina.”Ew, I just got shivers, did you? I just get so flustered when women use the “V” word. It’s like, gross and uncomfortable. The next day, the House leadership put an unintentionally kinky gag order on Rep. Brown for her outburst of an anatomically correct word in a debate about the use of said anatomically correct word. I think we can all agree abortion is a serious issue and needs to be discussed, but like the House leadership has indicated, we must choose our words carefully.You almost never hear men use the “P” word. It’s such an ugly word. That’s why we use slang and metaphors for our golf set. I’ve come up with a few words for Rep. Brown to use instead of vagina: “floopity-who,” “hula-hooey” and “joosy-jay.”All of these would take into account the appropriate level of awkwardness we all feel while talking about our bits and pieces and the sex. This way we can have intelligent discourse about how women can use their joosy-jay.HB 5711 understands the awkwardness of the situation. It only refers to a woman’s hula-hooey once, and that’s only when the bill dictates how to dispose of the non-baby, odds and ends of pregnancy. That’s impressive, especially in a document that is more than 40 pages long.Most of those pages are spent defining detailed variations of the word fetus and reminding everyone it is illegal to coerce a woman into getting an abortion. It makes that point more than 20 times and requires the patient sign a document saying she wasn’t coerced into her decision. As if the only reason anybody ever gets an abortion is because someone is forcing them to. The goal of the bill is to make the process of getting an abortion difficult. It also wants to increase the costs of running an abortion clinic. HB 5711 makes abortions economically prohibitive and will likely significantly lower the number of abortions performed in Michigan. The bill was passed onto the senate judiciary committee and will be discussed further after summer break. That is, barring the use of the “V” word by representatives with floopity-whos.— nicjacob@indiana.edu
(06/13/12 10:43pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>According to the moving picture-box in my living room, Gov. Mitt Romney is expected to pick a veep within the next month. I’m not entirely sure what a veep is, but it sounds important so I’ll make some passing judgments and we’ll see what happens. From what I can gather, a veep is a mixture between a Jeep Grand Cherokee and a Valentine. They stand as a bedrock of emotion and towing capacity for the journey to the presidency.The veepstakes, as every news channel affectionately calls it, is basically “America’s Next Top Model” but with Republican governors and congressmen from below America’s Bible belt — ladies, calm down. I’m glad someone else recognized this key, missing market in the 24-hour news cycle.Some of the popular contenders are: Chris Christie, no relation to Jesus Christ; Rand Paul, a less old, more surly version of Ron Paul; Marco Rubio, a nice young man from I don’t know; and Paul Ryan, the Don Draper of fiscal conservatism — again, ladies, calm down.Last Friday’s Conservative Political Action Committee Straw Poll put Rubio in the lead, just slightly ahead of a vial of Ronald Reagan’s blood.Now, you might be asking the same question I am — who is Marco Rubio?Rubio is the junior senator from Florida, and he’s the darling of the Tea Party Movement — and that’s all the dirt Wikipedia has about him. He’s only been in office for about a year and a half now, but that doesn’t stop conservatives from getting awkward boners for his sexy neck and discreet Hispanic-ness. This is strikingly similar to the characteristics McCain used in 2008 to pick Sarah Palin as his veep. Simply replace Rubio’s thick neck with thick-rimmed glasses and his discreet Hispanic-ness with being the closest thing Republicans can get to a “woman.”But Rubio has already publicly stated he would not accept a nomination for veep. On the other hand, Rand Paul announced it “would be an honor” to be chosen as veep — as long as his dad says it’s okay.When reached for a comment, Ron Paul probably said something along the lines of, “Ask your mother.”As the veepstakes moves on and we inch closer to the Republican National Convention in July, the pressure builds on Gov. Romney to pick a veep who compliments his unfortunate lack of interpersonal communication skills. That’s one reason why Chris Christie’s name keeps getting thrown around. He’s like an obese Joe Biden that doesn’t like trains, or any form of public transportation, for that matter.At the CPAC Straw Poll, Christie showed he not only has the body image of a bulldog, but he also has teeth like one.“I fixed your problem, you can thank me later. Have a nice day,” is what Christie said about balancing the New Jersey budget. He continued by taking a bite out of a Dave’s Big and Juicy, and the crowd went wild.In the long run, the CPAC Straw Poll means nothing because ultimately Gov. Romney must make the decision on his own. But if he wants to corner the younger demographic, he should go for someone more centrist than Rubio or Christie. Perhaps the 2008 model of Mitt Romney or a picture of a cat wearing a necktie; either works fine for me.— nicjacob@indiana.edu
(06/06/12 9:47pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>If you’re anything like me, you’ve spent the last few weeks lying on the couch watching the economic meltdown of Europe and the unfolding of the 2012 election — desperately shoveling ice cream sandwiches down your gullet with one hand and flipping through the news with a sticky remote in the other. Pick your poison: MSNBC, CNBC, CNN or Fox News. All of them have taken the time to remind us that the world as we know it is about to collapse and, sometimes, why we should feel personally responsible for it.But hey, not all of the news is bad. Some 21-year-old just graduated from the University of Chicago with a doctor of medicine. When I was 21, I was still learning how to walk and take a drink at the same time. Good for him, I guess. He sounds like a nice, accomplished young man. I bet he has a bright future ahead of him, filled with money and the affection of his loved ones.What were we talking about? Oh right, the end of the world.So, May’s job numbers came out last week: 69,000 new jobs. That doesn’t even catch up with population growth. What’s worse, they revised the last two months’ numbers down as well. Since it looks like my chances for gainful employment aren’t too strong, I suppose I’ll take another day-destroying nap and buy more Dollar Tree ice cream sandwiches.George Soros, billionaire investor, has been saying that if the Eurozone and the Euro are to stick together, “It would be a German empire with the periphery as the hinterland.” That sounds a little “World Warry” to me. I don’t know if I’m comfortable with that — almost as uncomfortable as thinking about Hugh Hefner getting back together with his runaway bride, Crystal Harris. She’s just in it for the money; how sad.Now all I can think about is Hefner’s old dangly-bits and the fickle nature of wealth-based relationships.Which reminds me that Tiger Woods won the 2012 Memorial Tournament. I’m glad; he seemed like he wasn’t doing so well emotionally or physically after having all of those affairs with hot women and divorcing his hot wife. He was able to pull through with perseverance, initiative and cooperation. I wish I could say the same thing about my president and Congress.In their defense, it is an election year, so I shouldn’t expect much from the people who lead the country. They need to spend their time wisely, pointing fingers to raise money.When I was a child I once got in trouble while working on a group project. I just sat there with my arms crossed, blaming our stagnation on uncooperative partners, but then my teacher told me to deal with it. I’d say the same thing to President Obama, but it might be unfair to hold him up to the same leadership standards of a 5th grader.But it’s whatever, man.— nicjacob@indiana.edu
(05/30/12 11:47pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>In early June, J.P. Morgan Chase CEO James “Bull-Mouth” Dimon will sit before both the Senate Banking Committee and the House version for questioning. Dimon and the bank he represents are in what professionals would call “deep shit” after Bruno “London Whale” Iksil and the Chief Investment Office in London lost between $2 billion and $5 billion.This figure depends on how liberal the news publication is. In the pursuit of journalistic integrity, I’ll settle that it’s a lot of god damn money.These trades included credit default swaps, built on layers of offsetting bets with credit derivatives tied to corporate bonds. This is fancy, businessman talk for trading risk. They were essentially selling insurance that certain corporate bonds would not default. When they did default, J.P. Morgan was left with the bill.Derivatives themselves are not illegal because they can be used to hedge risk, emphasis on “can.” They do not always work as intended. They more likely exacerbate the riskiness of trading. And as a result of the financial crisis in 2008, there has been a push by Washington to reduce the chances of moral hazard through regulation — for example, the Dodd-Frank Wall Street Reform and Consumer Protection Act.Poor Mr. Dimon, who is known for his salty tongue, will surely not do so well sitting before angry, unfair congressmen. Thankfully, Dwight Fettig “totes” has Dimon’s back as the staff director of the Senate Banking Committee. It has been disclosed by the Ethics Committee that before Fettig got his kush public service job with full dental benefits, he earned a meager $448,225 lobbying for J.P. Morgan and Freddie Mac. Half a milli sounds like a whole lot of paper, but in D.C. it barely covers your Metro fare and a medium-quality D.C. call girl. Trust me, I’ve watched the first eight episodes of the West Wing.Now, some people call this a problem of moral hazard similar to derivatives, in that there is no guarantee Fettig will act objectively and truthfully in his position in the Senate Banking Committee. They argue Fettig stands to make an immeasurable amount of money in private consulting or lobbying once he leaves the public sector.Well, those people should stop questioning things and remain quiet because hiring lobbyists for professional staff is all the rage with the kids, like Pokémon. At least 13 of the newest set of congressmen in 2010 hired former K-Street lobbyists to be their chief of staffs. Anyone who opposes hiring lobbyists is obvi a Digimon fan.Regulations are a complicated mess of words and rules, and doggone it, sometimes you don’t have time to actually learn about the industry you’re writing laws for. When you run for a two-year office you have to spend most of your time campaigning and taking vacations. Legislating is kind of a side job. What’s more, Wikipedia can only tell a congressman so much. So, why not just let the nice man in a suit with free pens tackle all that nonsense for you?If you say moral hazard again, I’ll slap you.— nicjacob@indiana.edu
(05/24/12 12:40am)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>What is preventing you from starting your own business right now and employing all your friends? Is it the corporate income tax rate? Or is it something else? While some people will tell you it comes down to the great Satan of taxes, a recent survey by the Kauffman Foundation shows that small business entrepreneurs were more annoyed by arbitrary license regulations established by state governments. These licensing rules, while an important signal of accountability in some professions, are largely inefficient or “pants-on-head stupid,” if I were to use the technical term. Matthew Yglesias at Slate discovered several licensing rules that make as much common sense as a diamond-studded condom. For example, he wrote, “New York barbers need 884 days of education and apprenticeship.”Apparently it takes more than two and a half years of hard work on a simulated cutting-room floor to enter the dangerous profession of barber-shoppery. It’s as if someone in New York state government thought the movie “Sweeney Todd” was actually a documentary. Alternatively, no license is required in Alabama; all you need to become a hair-dresser is skill.Mitch Daniels and Indiana Republicans will tell you our low corporate tax rate is the solitary reason that drives out-of-state businesses to the crossroads of America, but that is not the whole picture. Our new 6.5-percent corporate tax rate will be one of the slimmest in the country, and when you compare that to the fatties of California (8.84 percent) or Illinois (9.5 percent), it does look pretty sexy.But if that were wholly true, then Delaware would be an economic powerhouse because it wears a size zero when it comes to corporate income tax rates.No, I would suggest a more correct reason as to why entrepreneurs are getting big business-boners for Indiana: is its ease of starting a business and low regulations. In other words, limited barriers to entry. I’m not talking about environmental regulation exclusively; I’m talking about useless licenses — though Indiana is known for its speed of permitting environmental projects such as the Keystone XL pipeline.Indiana earned high marks in the Thumbtack.com Small Business Survey for its efficient regulations (A-), low hiring costs (A) and flexible licensing (B+).Other states would be wise to look at Indiana as a solid example of how lowering barriers to entry can spur job growth.Now, consider tax theory fundamentalists. They would demand the abolishment of the corporate income tax, but they seem to forget that the government must pay for its bills. Likewise, businesses seem to forget that the government establishes the infrastructure they use to distribute their products.Some people liken economic theory to the bible, an infallible set of rules broken only by fools and radicals. But the fact of the matter is that economic theory has never been absolute, and just like how you cannot take the Good Book completely literally, government cannot take theory absolutely to heart. If we did take optimal tax theory to its most extreme, there would be sky-high taxes on things like medicine and food and relatively low tax rates on yachts and diamond-studded condoms.— nicjacob@indiana.edu
(05/17/12 12:36am)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>Back in 2010, Evan Bayh left the United States Senate because he believed that American politics were becoming too partisan. Why waste his time trying to get people to work together when they simply won’t listen to each other? Now, in 2012, we have Richard Mourdock running on a ticket saying there’s not enough partisanship in Congress.Mr. Mourdock might just be the strongest candidate for U.S. Senate this state, nay, the entire country has seen since Ken Buck. Dick Lugar is simply out of touch with what the people of Indiana really want and need: a senator who will stand up for his own point of view and say, “Sorry, I’m not sorry, bitches.”Mr. Mourdock’s aggressive eyebrows and anti-cooperation sentiment sell his image to our state’s core constituency: people who apparently never went to kindergarten. He must have learned how to be a solid rock of conservatism through his masters degree in geology. You know what can’t be budged by progress or time? Big-ass rocks.Indiana needs a new beginning. Lugar has been in the Senate for more than 30 years, accumulating prestigious awards and powerful positions in Congress for his ability to work nicely with others. Excuse me, but this is Indiana and we do it big, and we will be damned if other people don’t know about it. We need a charismatic representative who can tell the rest of the nation it can suck a fat one if you don’t agree with us.What’s most important to Mr. Mourdock’s inevitable success in this election is his unrelenting support of lowering the taxes and converting our current income tax system into one based on consumption taxes. At the same time, he denies the government’s social benefits. According to Mr. Mourdock’s campaign website, “Any new tax system (must) be combined with cuts in spending and a Balanced Budget Amendment to the Constitution that also places a cap on future spending as a percentage of GDP.” He believes this knockout combination of legislation will be key to permanent economic growth for Americans — this is equivalent to saying the best way to fill up Bryan Park Pool is with a hose attached to your bathroom sink. His idea of what promotes economic growth does seem contingent to someone who has studied rocks his entire life.If you want to promote the greater health of the American economy you must support all walks of life. Consumption taxes are highly regressive, meaning they hit lower income households more than higher. Yes, consumption-based tax systems promote saving and investment, but that will not help people who don’t make enough money to save in the first place; nothing will change for them. Moreover, placing a cap on future spending as a percentage of GDP and enacting a balanced budget amendment will only restrict our government from reacting to disasters, whether they be military, natural or economic. Combine the above problems with weakened social programs, and what you have is essentially Mr. Mourdock punching poor people in the bank account.Listen: Since I’ve graduated college and will soon have to file taxes, I don’t feel comfortable voting for the Democratic Party anymore. But right-wing politicians like Mr. Mourdock force me to do so anyway.— nicjacob@indiana.edu
(12/07/11 11:39pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>I’ve been doing this for a long time, and frankly, I’ve run out of things to complain about. Also, I do not get paid enough to support my many unusual and self-destructive habits, e.g. Rally’s and cheap malt liquor. I’ve been a professional complainer for quite some time now — going on three years of providing the public with regular insights into what bakes my scrod or why I’m the greatest human being to ever exist. When I first applied, I told the editors I wanted to be the IDS’s Bill O’Reilly, and I believe I have accomplished that goal. For evidence, I would present a list of my greatest adversaries: Coal Free IU, The Tar Sands Action, soccer fans, out-of-towners and more broadly anyone who has ever read my work. At one point, I’m sure I broke the O’Reilly threshold and touched the sky of Glenn Beck status; unfortunately, I could not sustain his level of brilliant ignorance. On my way down, I feel as though I’ve become too agreeable and possibly even ironically entertaining. So, as to not become a mockery for the liberal media, I am resigning from my post as the IDS’s most successful hate-monger. But before I leave, I’d like to reflect on my accomplishments. Before I ever graced the IDS with a photo illustration, all I had was a mug shot and a byline to my name. Back in spring 2010 I was just your average Joe, complaining about waiting on the bus and people who lack acceptable amounts of facial hair. It was an uphill battle, but I punch-danced my way to the top. I started editing the opinion section in May 2011, and in my tenure, I have created the most conservative staff in recent memory by hiring one Republican and two Libertarians. Though one of them resigned earlier this semester, we still enjoy the reputation of being a bunch of bank-loving-99-percent-bashing-environment-hating-good-for-nothings, and we at the opinion section wear this rather long and unwieldy title with pride.As an editor who is not a journalism major or ever taken a single class on the subject, I would like to remind everyone I have no clue what the term “journalistic integrity” means or how to string together sentences longer than 45 words. My studies in policy analysis and economics do not prepare me to be a good writer. I am only taught how to get a well-paying job where I’m ignored by politicians when I tell them to stop spending money. Throughout the years, I’ve been told on a regular basis that my writing sucks by people who don’t know how to use there, their and they’re properly. Since I started writing, I always told myself I wouldn’t reply to the commenters. Since this is the last time I’ll be writing for the opinion page, I am willing to break this rule just this once by quoting my fellow gentlemen in the rap industry: to hell with you, naysayers.For the handful of people who actually enjoy my work: my mom, your mom and the 95,000 people who read my article “Weed: not even once,” don’t worry. I’ll still be around. I’ll be there any time someone else is wrong and I am right — forever. — nicjacob@indiana.edu
(11/16/11 10:36pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>I live life dangerously complacent here in the friend zone. Some of you might know what I’m talking about, and I say cheers to you because not everyone can live this borderline-exciting lifestyle. It’s filled with surprises around every corner and behind every door you open for your friend.Those of you who don’t understand what I’m talking about might be wondering, “What is the ‘friend zone’? And why does it remind me of the theme song to Top Gun?” That’s because they go hand in hand with each other. Come on, pal. Rev up your engine. I’ll take you right into the friend zone. It’s a little-known rumor — which I’m starting right now — that Kenny Loggins’ 1986 hit song “Danger Zone” was not written for adrenaline junkies, but about a mediocre existence between indifference and love. All of the signs are there, and I’ll stretch this convoluted metaphor until you feel as uncomfortable as being told, “I fell in love with our friendship.”Do you ever feel like you’re “out along the edges” of a relationship? Well, as Loggins said, “You’ll never know what you can do until you get it up as high as you can go.” By “it,” he means disappointed expectations.There are many exciting benefits of riding the highway to the friend zone that Loggins proposes in his song. For example: “Listening to her howlin’ roar” (of laughter at your misread advances) and how she’ll “be beggin’ you to touch and go (in a respectable fashion).”Many successful people have lived their entire lives in the friend zone. These include: Severus Snape, Doug Funny, Anderson Cooper and former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi. This is not a strictly male phenomenon. The most famous women on the highway to the friend zone are Oprah Winfrey, Helga Pataki and Lucy van Pelt. All of them “burned to be further on the edge” of a bottle of cheap whisky and a pack of cigarettes. Is it a sad life? Is it sad to go lingerie shopping with someone without the glory of seeing it in real life? The whole goal of the friend zone is the prospect of “spreading out her wings tonight” in a painfully consensual back-massage — maybe with some scented candles to set the mood right.Sometimes the friend zone sneaks up on you like the wicked guitar solo in Danger Zone. They say once you’re in the friend zone, there’s only one way out, and that’s in a body bag of emotion. You’ll never want to leave because you’ll never want to escape the high-strung security of a relationship unfulfilled.In the end, you’ll have two options: Ruin everything by making a move or sit anxiously in the comfortable silence of the friend zone. Some of you claim this is all an unhealthy level of rationalizing, but I doubt you’ve ever been in the zone. At least it’s better than being alone, right?— nicjacob@indiana.edu
(11/16/11 1:31am)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>As respected members of the mainstream media, it is our duty to teach you how to look out for the occupiers. What are the occupiers? It’s hard to explain, since they make up 99 percent of our population and come from radically diverse backgrounds, but here are some sweeping generalizations that will help you identify the occupiers.1. Cunning use of self-made or modified clothes. The occupiers are anti-capitalist. They hate the system that has brought us great things, such as the recession and last Friday’s $1.11 Big Macs. They prefer to live within their own means and support each other. However, please do not confuse this with fiscal austerity. 2. The slack-jawed gaze. From an aggregation of recent news clippings, it seems they want stuff. What stuff do they want? Well, we’re not entirely sure. Without an official leader to talk to, we would need to ask 99 percent of the population about their feelings. Instead, we have taken funny pictures of them out of context and interviewed only the most degenerate-looking ones. Occupiers also hate things. These things range from showers to Citizens United. 3. Bruises from clashes with police. For being composed of such a bunch of whiners, the Occupy movement is strikingly violent, and its members like to get arrested. Within the first 30 days of protesting, there were more than 1,500 arrests. Compare that to the more docile and respectable Tea Party movement that has seen only 50 arrests in three years. The occupiers don’t respond to pepper spray or rubber bullets like normal protesters. 4. Ironic protest sign. For a protest that wants itself to be taken seriously, occupiers seem to enjoy making a mockery of the classic American protest sign. The occupiers took everything they liked about quickmeme.com or imgur.com and took it to real life. They forget that protests are not about “liking” things or “upvotes” — it’s about yelling loudly and pretending to accomplish things before you leave in a timely fashion.5. General lack of personal hygiene. Are they homeless or just unclean? Recent polls of the Occupy movement report that 70 percent of the protesters are employed, compared to 56 percent of Tea Partiers. However, we in the media would suggest this is misleading. To us, their real job is just complaining. They complain about not having a good-paying job or how they have an unsustainable amount of student loan debt to pay off. We in the media would like to remind them they had a chance to get into a lucrative career in corporate finance, but they didn’t. — nicjacob@indiana.edu
(11/10/11 1:08pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>Wale’s second album, “Ambition,” will probably make you lose faith in hip-hop.This
is another example of Maybach Music corrupting once-socially aware
rappers. The beats are incredibly overproduced. It’s as though after
album’s completion, Wale’s mentor, Rick Ross, woofed that it wasn’t
enough, so the producers made a list of all the coolest sounds they
could think of and put them into a box. That’s the overbearing feeling
you get when you listen to this album.
At the same time, Wale is not innocent, either. To his credit, his
wordplay is outstanding. He’s smart, which comes through in his
metaphors. But it’s disappointing that the guy who made “The Mixtape
About Nothing” could be responsible for such careless songs as “Bait”
and “Illest Bitch.” Multiple times, Wale claims to be a deep
poet-rapper, but just saying it doesn’t make it true.
This album is what happens when your ambition for relevance overshadows your message.
(11/06/11 11:45pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>Last Thursday, the opinion staff ran an editorial titled “Benefits of US-Canadian oil pipeline.” As an editorial board, we agreed the Keystone XL pipeline would benefit America’s economy, national security and pose little environmental risk. After running this staff editorial, the opinion desk was confronted by several angry readers and an influx of critical emails.As the opinion editors of the IDS, we welcome such criticism. However, we found it necessary to lay out some ground rules for those who might have problems with future opinion columns and editorials.First, we would like to explain how we, as an editorial board, write our editorials. Every Friday afternoon, members of the opinion staff meet to discuss interesting stories in the news. When we came across the pipeline story, we encouraged debate among the staff, like we would for any other issue. While the result was in favor of the pipeline, that doesn’t mean there were no dissenting arguments. What was published was the general consensus of those at the meeting. When told we should consider retracting the editorial, our response then and now is the same: no. We will not censor the opinions of the staff, and we will not retract the editorial or offer any corrections. The facts included were properly cited and supported.Please keep in mind we produce opinions, not articles. An opinion editorial is intentionally biased, and we will not apologize for that. More so, the opinions expressed are those of the opinion staff, and not of other IDS reporters and editors.Second, if you disagree with our opinion, please tell us in a polite way. Threats only weaken your argument. When readers storm the IDS office emotionally charged, it’s difficult to achieve any productive results. If readers are passionate about a subject, we are more than happy to meet with them and publish letters to the editor, but we expect criticism to extend beyond simple mockery. Finally, we would like to acknowledge that while we do enjoy and encourage letters to the editor, we are constrained by the limited amount of space on the page. We choose to publish letters, comments and guest columns on a case-by-case basis. Today’s guest column on the pipeline was published because it accurately represents many critics’ opinions.A last thought: In the past few weeks, we have also received a good deal of criticism on our coverage of the Occupy Bloomington movement. We’ve been told our commentary is too “negative” and “neutral,” at best. We’d like to tell readers we’re not here to produce “fluff” pieces. As opinion editors, we will not tell our staff what to write. Often, we are confronted with stories we don’t necessarily agree with. However, we respect the views of our writers, and we will defend their right to be published.That said, we are an open forum, and we respect the views and opinions of our readers just as much. We are simply asking to interact in a professional manner.— esalomon@indiana.edu and njacobs@indiana.edu
(10/26/11 11:48pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>All of my problems are truly unique and insufferable. Here is a quick run through of my daily problems:First, I wake up in a room where the temperature is just moderately warmer than it is outside. I face a serious dilemma: How do I get up without facing the cold? I have a space heater, but I’d have to take off my covers and walk three feet in the bitter pneumonia-inducing chill of my room to turn it on. The only thing that gets me out of bed is my expensive Tamarac Moccasins that are slightly too big. Later, I have to wait a whole 50 seconds for my shower to warm up. During that time, I sit on the toilet thinking about how unfair life is, because it takes longer than 50 seconds to scroll through the updates on my Twitter feed. Before I leave my house in the morning, I curl up into a ball in my closet when confronted with the decision of what coat to wear. I have eight coats with differing levels of warmth; however, the temperature when I leave in the morning is generally 15-20 degrees cooler than it will be by mid-day. I will invariably make the wrong decision and be a sweaty mess by 2 p.m. — and I hate to sweat.Sometimes on my walks to and from class, I get caught behind slow walkers, and I can’t decide if I want to speed up my pace to pass them or just give up.While I’m in class, I like to be on my laptop, but my archaic, circa-2008 HP laptop’s battery does not last long enough to make it through class. When my battery dies, I actually have to pay attention and be a part of the discussion. If I eat at Burger King, I have to use more than one handful of single-service ketchup packets because their french fries are too salty. Sometimes it takes longer to open up all those packets than it does to eat my delicious meal. In between classes, I can’t decide what to listen to from the 8,000 songs on my iPod, so I put it on shuffle. Occasionally, the music I used to listen to in high school comes on. It reminds me I will never be able to write a hilarious high school comedy movie because of how undramatic and easy life was back then. When I’m finally done with class and walk to the bars, the most efficient route requires me to pass Occupy Bloomington. I understand why they are protesting, but I’m too lazy to participate. I feel bad, so I have to walk an extra block out of my way so I don’t see their disappointment.At the bars, they don’t serve Dogfish Head. They stopped shipping here because Indiana is a backward hellhole with only one major city. Instead, I have to sip overpriced domestic light beer.On my way walk home, the only food that is still open at 3 a.m. is Rally’s. It’s greasy and cheap — suitable for my needs, but when I order, I have to make small talk with old acquaintances from high school. Sometimes I go hungry to avoid that awkward social interaction. Once I finally get home, I cry myself to sleep knowing I had a lot of fun, but no one ever takes photos for Facebook. I’ve had the same profile picture for a whole week now. How are people supposed to know I like to party? But what’s the worst is this will all come off as simple complaining. No one understands my pain.UPDATE: I went to the post office to mail my electric bill, they said one stamp was 60 cents. I only had 50 cents in change so I had to pull out $10 from the ATM to cover the extra ten cents. I just don't know what to do anymore.— nicjacob@indiana.edu
(10/23/11 9:42pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>Tennessee has become the first terrorist-free state in the nation. How did it do it? By sheer inconvenience. Is it worth it? We think not.Probably the federal government’s most hated agency except for the Internal Revenue Service, the Transportation Security Administration has teamed up with the state of Tennessee’s brave truck drivers and weigh station attendees to combat terrorism.It’s called Visible Intermodal Prevention and Response, or VIPR, and it’s a horrible waste of government money and an intrusion of rights.The TSA has recruited an untold amount of truck drivers across the state to report suspicious behavior. As you can already assume, they are not trained in any way. They use their own “street smarts.” By this, we can only assume racial profiling.Commissioner Bill Gibbons of the Tennessee Department of Safety and Homeland Security told a local news station, “Where is a terrorist more apt to be found? Not these days on an airplane (but) more likely on the interstate.” Airplanes are now such an inconvenience that terrorists won’t use them for wanton violence. Mission accomplished?The TSA figured out the key to hindering terrorists: minor inconveniences. At the same time, terrorists have figured out more ways to stay relevant and annoying. The goal is to catch terrorists transporting explosive materials or weapons across state lines. Let’s face it, unless terrorists plan to wake the sleeping giant of overly armed Tennessee residents by bombing Graceland or the Jack Daniels distillery, Tennessee is not a target. Moreover, there is a huge hole in this defense. It’s called a TomTom. A simple GPS reroute will take the terrorists onto 64 for their east-west road trips or onto 77 for a north-south mission, which, in all fairness, would add an extra day to the trip and screw up a time-sensitive mission. But that’s the extent of its effectiveness. Let’s remember, the terrorists hate our freedoms, our way of life and our extensive use of bacon. Adding an extra eight hours to their missions is a trade-off they will likely shrug off. So Tennessee has effectively removed terrorists from the state, but along the way, VIPR has also added an ambiance of a dystopian future. “The bottom line is this: If you see something suspicious, say something about it,” Gibbons said.We believe the real bottom line is this: Stop wasting government resources by protecting the nation’s whiskey producers and use it for something better.
(10/12/11 10:56pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>I’d like to formally thank the Barack Obama administration for cracking down on the marijuana epidemic America is facing. The dangers of marijuana are outrageous: fatal kidney and lung disorders, possible brain damage, severe depression and, worst of all, death. It’s produced in “Mary labs” sprinkled across America’s trailer parks and farms. These “Mary labs” are unregulated, and the chemicals used can cause spontaneous fires. Marijuana is destroying families in areas once known for their peaceful agriculture. Oh, wait. That’s methamphetamine. Let me try again.When marijuana was first introduced in the 1980s, it annihilated an entire generation of black youths because of its cheap price and highly addictive nature, despite its short-lived 5- to 15-minute peak. Many women who succumbed to its addictive properties became ganja whores. This led to the “ganja babies,” children who were born addicted to marijuana. Ganja whores were unknowingly feeding their babies marijuana with their breast milk.Ah, that’s wrong, too. I think that was crack. Seriously, I can get this right.Marijuana was first created as a way to wean people off of a commonly abused pain killer called morphine in the 1800s. But eventually it became its own demon, referred to as the “Big M.”Remember how the spread of HIV/AIDS in the ’70s and ’80s was partially a result of sharing marijuana needles? Some people had to get their arms amputated because they destroyed their veins from injecting liquefied reefer. Think of Jared Leto’s character in “Requiem for a Dream.” And so many celebrities have died from marijuana. For example: Jim Morrison of The Doors and Bradley Nowell of Sublime.No, no, no, that was heroin. Well I’m sure everyone has heard of Marijuana Anonymous and the 12-Step Program right? Marijunanaholics are a drain on our society. Statistics prove driving under the influence of a .08 blood cannabis content will impair your driving ability. High drivers caused more than 13,000 car accident deaths in 2008 alone.Think about all the college students who die of weed poisoning every year. Or how many women on campus get taken advantage of and subsequently raped when frat guys give girls shot after shot of the ganja. Oh, excuse me, that’s alcohol, which is perfectly legal.Smoking reefer causes 443,000 deaths annually from first- and second-hand smoke. Actually, you know what? I’ll just stop here. That’s the result of cigarettes, another legal drug.What are the dangers of marijuana? Here’s the short and simple:The Center for Disease Control and Prevention has released studies that prove annual deaths related to marijuana consumption are zero. What are the adverse effects of smoking dank-ass buds on the reg? Red eye, cotton mouth and increased appetite, which in turn incentivize pot smokers to buy eye drops, Arnold Palmer lemonade-tea and pizza. Getting high makes people buy things. We’re about to double-dip into another recession, and the president wants to restrict incentives? The GOP is right; Obama is bad for the economy.— nicjacob@indiana.edu
(10/11/11 2:16am)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>You’re 26, living outside a city in Tunisia, and the foundation of your life has been uncertainty. High unemployment has forced many of your family members into desperate situations, so you’ve become the breadwinner. With the small resources your family can put together, you begin a small business as a vendor. Things go well for a while, but it only makes the people around you envious. Municipal officers harass you daily. You’re just a measly kid in their eyes. Regularly, they confiscate your wares and kick over your cart. What are you going to do? They’re in charge; they are in the right, so you pick up your stuff and move down the street.One day, the harassment comes to a breaking point. You bought a month’s worth of wares on credit. Officials stop by your cart. They claim you have no permit, but legally, no permit is needed. They take your scales and ruin your produce. Worst of all, they beat you up, spit in your face and call you worthless. The government isn’t interested in helping you. You run out of options. You decide to make a statement. Let’s say you’re a 24-year-old from Indiana, and as long as you can remember, times have been rough. Your family members try their best to enable a good life for you, but with their levels of education, good-paying jobs are unreachable. Mom and Dad say if you work hard and do well in school, you will be the breadwinner, and things will get better. With student loans and the little savings your family can muster, you enroll in a university. You graduate with a bachelor’s degree. They say there’s a long hallway of opportunities in front of you, but you can’t find a job.It’s been two years since you graduated, and you’re still working a dead-end job making minimum wage. This was not what you expected, and things seem to get worse and worse. The bank wants to garnish your wages. It repossesses your car and your computer. What are you going to do? They’re in charge; they are in the right, so you pick up what’s left and move back home with your parents.One day, the harassment comes to a breaking point. The banks want to take you and your parents to court. They co-signed the loan and share liability. While sitting in the lobby of the courthouse, you notice there’s a television broadcasting CNBC. The bank that’s suing you smugly celebrates record profits after receiving a government bailout a few years ago.You scream at the TV, “Where is my bailout?”You don’t get one, so you decide to do something about it.— nicjacob@indiana.edu