Tennessee: the first terrorist-free state

Tennessee has become the first terrorist-free state in the nation. How did it do it? By sheer inconvenience. Is it worth it? We think not.

Probably the federal government’s most hated agency except for the Internal Revenue Service, the Transportation Security Administration has teamed up with the state of Tennessee’s brave truck drivers and weigh station attendees to combat terrorism.

It’s called Visible Intermodal Prevention and Response, or VIPR, and it’s a horrible waste of government money and an intrusion of rights.The TSA has recruited an untold amount of truck drivers across the state to report suspicious behavior. As you can already assume, they are not trained in any way. They use their own “street smarts.”

By this, we can only assume racial profiling.

Commissioner Bill Gibbons of the Tennessee Department of Safety and Homeland Security told a local news station, “Where is a terrorist more apt to be found? Not these days on an airplane (but) more likely on the interstate.” Airplanes are now such an inconvenience that terrorists won’t use them for wanton violence. Mission accomplished?

The TSA figured out the key to hindering terrorists: minor inconveniences. At the same time, terrorists have figured out more ways to stay relevant and annoying. The goal is to catch terrorists transporting explosive materials or weapons across state lines.

Let’s face it, unless terrorists plan to wake the sleeping giant of overly armed Tennessee residents by bombing Graceland or the Jack Daniels distillery, Tennessee is not a target.

Moreover, there is a huge hole in this defense. It’s called a TomTom. A simple GPS reroute will take the terrorists onto 64 for their east-west road trips or onto 77 for a north-south mission, which, in all fairness, would add an extra day to the trip and screw up a time-sensitive mission. But that’s the extent of its effectiveness. Let’s remember, the terrorists hate our freedoms, our way of life and our extensive use of bacon.

Adding an extra eight hours to their missions is a trade-off they will likely shrug off. So Tennessee has effectively removed terrorists from the state, but along the way, VIPR has also added an ambiance of a dystopian future. “The bottom line is this: If you see something suspicious, say something about it,” Gibbons said.

We believe the real bottom line is this: Stop wasting government resources by protecting the nation’s whiskey producers and use it for something better.