Modern moms

I love Barnes & Noble.

There are few things more comforting than walking through their big double doors and being overwhelmed by the smell of coffee and new books. I even did a large portion of my holiday shopping there.

But when the Barnes & Noble book blog shared a list of “25 Days of Modern Mom Must-Reads,” my spirits sank.

A quick skim confirmed my fears: the list was weighted heavily with advice books on parenting, grocery shopping and staying calm within the overwhelmingly hectic life of parenthood. Eight of the as-of-yet-shared 11, in fact.

In a moment of bitter irony, I noticed two of the books — entitled “Raising Cain” and “Ophelia Speaks” — are based on subverting cultural stereotypes and empowering sons and daughters. Sons by teaching them to reclaim their emotions and sensitivity, daughters by teaching them to deal with struggles “from body image to boys to parents to school.”

Though I agree wholeheartedly these are important issues to address when raising kids, nothing complicates the theme of subversion and empowerment quite like the term “modern moms.”

In addition to the fact that the phrase “modern moms” sounds like the title of Sarah Palin’s next memoir, Barnes & Noble did not, of course, choose to compose a list of “25 Days of Modern Dad Must-Reads.” Naturally, I assume, because dads are too busy to read with all of the breadwinning they have to do.

While the list does seem to include some valuable works, it’s sending contradictory messages that perpetuate sexism of the worst kind: subtle sexism. It’s almost unnoticeable until you realize Barnes & Noble is trying to tell us what they think modern moms should be reading.

Our normative-seeking selves see the suggestions of what corporations like Barnes & Noble think we would enjoy, and our subconscious turns that message into a standard, “This is what you should be reading because apparently everyone else is.”

Modern moms do care about groceries and kids. They also care about politics, history, sports, religion, art, computers, health and education. Becoming a parent adds colors to your spectrum of interests; it doesn’t reduce you to three boring shades of macaroni, clorox and finger paint.  

Rather than assuming a woman’s motherhood limits her interests to “all things mom,” make a list of top 25 books for modern women. Women are frequently moms and doctors, lawyers, politicians, artists, astronauts and professors.

Instead of advising a modern mom to read books about empowering themselves and their children, how about cutting to the chase by respecting them enough to understand them as an audience more complex than a single label, a single role, a single syllable.

The plot twist is this blog was written by a woman.

Whitney Collins — author, parent, blogger — tweeted on Oct. 18, 2013: “Two of the more annoying things I can think of are group projects and old men. No wonder more women aren’t in politics.”

I’d venture to guess it also has something to do with the fact that women, moms especially, are still afraid of breaking the mold this list of parenting and grocery books so neatly validates.

Two of the more annoying things I can think of are discreet, friendly sexism and women who perpetuate it.

If you want to do the modern mom a real favor, give her credit, freedom and a reading list as multi-faceted as she.

— sbkissel@indiana.edu
Follow columnist Sarah Kissel @QueSarahSarah_.