How to survive in D.C.

There are certain things in life that everyone should do: fall in love, eat fresh mangoes and live in a house with a porch swing. Working in Washington, D.C., tops the list of important experiences -- right up there with waiting tables. \nWaiting tables is a classic trial by fire. One moment it can be glamorous, the next it's humbling and the entire time it's hard work. My waitressing experience took place at a Greek restaurant that was so shady I envisioned the graves of mobsters and health inspectors every time I drove over the speed bumps in the parking lot. Within the span of an hour, I could watch a dozen people's eyes light up with delight and pocket wads of money. In the same hour I could spill six milkshakes and take orders from people who would sneer at me -- if they had enough respect to make eye contact. \nWaiting tables teaches you to be kind to people in service jobs. You learn how to read whether people want a chat and a bit of charm or no-frills, efficient service. You become a hustling and bustling chameleon in a room that's never the same shade for 10 minutes.\nIt's an engrossing experience that gives more than it takes from you, much like working in Washington. Both experiences involve diving into a world that is uniquely its own, and surfacing with an altered perspective on the world. \nI'm about to write with a lot more authority than I really have, so feel free to laugh at me or line your hamster's cage with my column. At any rate, here are some words of advice for anyone who wants to move to this city, or just wants to know what their hamster will be walking on. \n• Be careful who you work for. \nWashington can be as insidious or idealistic as the people with whom you surround yourself. There are jobs that will inspire you to start your own fight club in your spare time for the sake of sensory stimulation. And there are congressional staffers with a bit of energy and initiative who craft legislation that affects thousands of people. It's important to get a sense of your boss and organization before signing a dotted line. \n• Don't become cynical. \nFlirt with cynicism and look it in the eyes, but just enough to spark your moral outrage and fuel progressive action. Don't become desensitized to its sting and let the numbness become an excuse for complacency. This is much like advice I received from editors at a newspaper where I worked, and I found it applies doubly in Washington. \n• Don't get caught up in the game. \nIt's exhilarating to be an insider, a dealmaker, a mover and shaker. But much of what goes on here isn't about you or me; it's about hundreds of thousands of people and making the world a more livable place. There are people who work for higher goals than money and prestige, and life is invariably harder for them. But ultimately they are the ones who leave a mark. \n• Don't lose touch with "the people."\nMuch of the talk in Washington is so far removed from its subject that it's like looking at the country from a helicopter in the sky. If the topic is welfare reform, the dialogue will invariably encompass "human capital" in need of "intellectual capital" until it sounds like a conversation about programming robots. It's all done with the best intentions, but by the time you get to Washington, the chain of command between "experts" and people is so lengthy that the voices from corners of the country are distorted. \n• Get out of Washington. \nThe cash crop here is ideas, and they start to lose their flavor if you're around them for too long. Go back to where you came from or where you want to be and make a difference in a tangible way -- in a way that you can see results. National policy frequently follows the model of success set in Toledo, Tacoma and Tallahassee. It's more effective to make a splash in a small pond than to make a ripple in a vast ocean of bureaucracy. \nSo there you have it. My formula for an enriched life, one in which everyone can serve up some mean French Onion soup and make a positive impact on the lives of thousands. For myself, the important lessons about Washington will probably sink in down the road, and in the meantime, I plan to enjoy a few mangoes and tip the wait staff well. Only time will tell if I come back to Washington, but I know I'll be glad to get home.