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(01/26/07 12:53am)
Like the ubiquitous "Hit the monkey and win a free iPod!" pop-up banners, a headline screaming that student loan interest rates had been halved by a congressional bill yielded immediate feelings of wariness.\nThe IDS editorial board consensus resonated on a similar frequency as the arguments conducted in Congress weighing the pros and cons of the bill. It wouldn't really help students currently at a university, it's designed only for very low-income students with subsidized loans, and the interest rate cut is a gradual fall from 6.8 percent to 3.4 percent over five years.\nTrue, a halving of the interest rate in subsidized loans -- clearly hovering around the lowest interest rates available -- is a huge step. Inflation hovers around 3 percent (2006 average was 3.24 percent). To enact an interest rate so close to inflation is very close to giving away money, even if the program only hits the lowest interest rate for a short time before it expires in Jan. 2012. An interest rate only a fraction of a percentage over inflation is shocking. \nBut all the same, the biggest accomplishment here is an ostentatious bipartisan move in a new direction, heard loud and clear by the supporting constituency. After all the economics supporting its structure are analyzed, the give-and-take chalks up a to net gain of a morale booster: This pivotal part of the Democrats' first 100 days speaks forcefully to voters, yes, this is a new Congress and it is revamping priorities. While the financial allocation strategy behind it is not incredibly impressive -- the $6 billion to finance the cut had to come from somewhere, and it's coming from taxpayers' pockets and decreased government benefits to the loan providers themselves -- the legislation remains important for its conspicuous political significance. It's strong messages like this that voters wanted from the Democrats. \nCould the resources have been better allocated elsewhere? Undoubtedly. The bill does nothing to cap soaring tuition costs, which have grown at an average of 1 1/2 to two times the inflation rate in the past 20 years. It also doesn't touch the middle class -- all the families with incomes just high enough to ensure that no government aid is given, thus forcing the parents to turn to loans in order to get their children through school, won't benefit. On that note, interest rates on loans taken out by parents were not reduced, and will continue to rise with inflation. The bill's opposition is economically well-founded. \nAgain, the best thing this legislation has going for it is a dynamic rallying point for America's priorities glancing toward education. All you out there entering college in 2011, rejoice! (In fact, at those rates -- rejoice and then invest!) As for the rest of us who missed out on the golden year, we'll get excited when we start seeing a reliable trend of education-oriented legislation out of our new Congress.\nBut it's early in the session, and Pelosi and the gang have already churned out a strong message saying public education funding is back on the radar. This is a start. Now let's keep this going.
(01/22/07 12:23am)
Last week the Human Race Machine helped IU students, faculty and staff visualize what they might look like as different races. In addition to morphing photos, the exhibit treated participants to slogans saturated with themes of racial harmony: "There is only one race. The Human one." … "The Human Race Machine allows us to move past our differences and arrive at sameness. … It is "a prayer for racial equality."\nSounds like a powerful device for racial understanding! But before we manufacture 5,000 more race machines and ship them to cities across the country to eradicate racism once and for all, let's step back and evaluate this modern marvel.\nThe Human Race Machine undoubtedly offers important starting points for conversation -- particularly in a country that once considered blacks to count as only three-fifths human. A cornerstone of the project is the fact that the DNA of any two humans is 99.97 percent identical. Physical variances result from human migration around the world and our slow adaptation to different environments through changes in skin color, hair and facial structure. In the end, our genetic composition is almost the same.\nBuilding on this science lesson, the project instructs, "We are all one. There is no separation."But here it moves uncomfortably close to the questionable ideology of "colorblindness" and ignores our all-too-real racial realities. On one hand, we want a society where no one is judged on meaningless physical appearance. Judgments based on skin color make no more sense than judgments based on eye color or ear-lobe attachment. On the other hand, we live in a country where people have been judged, oppressed and marginalized on the basis of skin color for centuries. Saying "We're colorblind!" does nothing to correct the ever-present effects of that history.\nIf only the end of racism was as simple as waving that colorblind wand, or seeing your face as six different races.\nThe Human Race Machine's mantra that the concept of race is social, not genetic is an important lesson, but it's not sufficient to end racial inequality. The project claims to offer "a unique experience that places the viewer for a brief moment in someone else's shoes." But photographs that digitally morph only show someone's shoes, at best. It's a far cry from "trying on" the shoes, much less walking a step -- or the proverbial mile -- in anyone's shoes.\nThe machine might spark a discussion, but that spark must be stoked into a roaring, meaningful exchange about deeply held social biases and practices that have been shaped by a legacy of racial oppression. A fancy photo booth alone won't cut it.\nNow you know "there is only one race." Take that knowledge further. Start thinking and talking about your individual biases toward fellow humans. Or how social institutions like government, business and education still exclude and marginalize people on the basis of race. Or how cultural practices and beliefs continue to make some people feel a little less than human.\nIn this case, the picture is worth little without a thousand meaningful words of conversation.
(01/19/07 12:04am)
A very disturbing precedent was set earlier this month when Tufts University professor Felipe Fernandez-Armesto was released from Atlanta police custody only eight hours after making a mockery of America and everything this nation represents. We strongly believe that jaywalking should carry a mandatory minimum sentence of 40 years in isolation. \nAn expert in colonial, environmental and Spanish history, Fernandez-Armesto was in Atlanta for a conference held by the American History Association. According to the British Broadcasting Corp. and other news outlets, the professor from Tufts University in Boston was arrested following an altercation with "a rather intrusive young man," who turned out to be the heroic officer Leonpacher. \nThe officer, whom Fernandez-Armesto maintains was out of uniform, and thus indistinguishable from any other "intrusive young man," warned him to cross the street at a crosswalk. The professor "thanked (the officer) for his advice and went on," brazenly disregarding the foundation of civilized society, as described in Appendix 5 of Article 8, Section 3 of the Geneva Conventions: "to prevent acts of pedestrian aggression towards chrome fenders, their history, and their culture all streets shall be crossed via designated channels."\nWhen Officer Leonpacher approached Fernandez-Armesto and asked for identification, the former Oxford don asked the same of him. Well, the professor must have had a condor egg omelet with a side of dolphin bacon for breakfast because karma was out to get him that day. The ordinarily sane and rational member of law enforcement exploded with the righteous fury of God's own thunder. Like a catastrophic force of nature -- an earthquake-causing hurricane, if you will -- Leonpacher kicked the legs out from under professor Fernandez-Armesto and "confiscated his box of peppermints." \nAstonishingly, according to the BBC, five officers were needed to overpower the wily professor, a testament to how dangerous the jaywalkers really are. In fact, there's reason to believe that Africanized killer bees are attracted to the pheromones released during a jaywalk. Despite volumes of scientific research attesting to the dangers of jaywalking, a pseudo-accurate survey found that 96 percent of Americans have jaywalked in the last three months; nearly 58 percent reported jaywalking near schools and around "impressionable young children." \nRecreational jaywalking is up 20 percent over the last decade, and addiction has skyrocketed. These statistics are particularly unnerving in the light of a "totally legit" study that proved jaywalking is a "gateway misdemeanor." As jaywalkers mature, they turn to more destructive criminal behavior, like walking a dog without a leash, backing the family car out of the driveway or conducting domestic wiretaps without a warrant. \nTo find the big time criminals we need to sift out the petty thugs, vandals and jaywalkers. Officer Leonpacher's excessively violent courage to enforce both big laws and little ones with an iron fist is an inspiration to law enforcement. It seems abundantly clear that only a man of his intensity can ever hope to win the global battle to end human traffic obstructions. Thus, we call on the IU Police Department to tackle any and all rogue jaywalking professors to protect us from the consequences of such atrocities
(01/16/07 1:08am)
BAGHDAD, Iraq -- Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki said Thursday he believed Iraqi forces would be ready by June 2007 to take full control of security in Iraq, an issue on which he pressed President Bush during their meeting in Amman, Jordan.\nIn making the argument that his military and police could handle security in the country, al-Maliki has routinely said the force could do the job within six months.\n"I can say that Iraqi forces will be ready, fully ready to receive this command and to command its own forces, and I can tell you that by next June our forces will be ready," al-Maliki said in an interview with ABC News.\nBush and al-Maliki agreed the United States would speed efforts to turn security over to the Iraqi forces, although they mentioned no timetable during a post-summit news conference. \nAl-Maliki also said he rejects all Iraq's militias, including the Madhi Army of the powerful, anti-American Shiite cleric Moqtada al-Sadr, who is a key ally of the Shiite prime minister. Despite such promises in the past, al-Maliki has frustrated the Bush administration by doing little to curb militias, which have been heavily involved in Iraq's spiraling sectarian violence in cities such as Baghdad.\nAl-Malaki said he reassured Bush of "the government's resolve to impose the government's authority, bring stability, hold to account outlaws and limit the possession of arms to the hands of the government."\nAl-Maliki said he was determined to ensure that Iraq's security forces have the weapons and the training needed to fight more effectively on the battlefield.\n"We mean by arming, the weapons fit to fight the terrorists ... the light and effective weapons, vehicles, armor vehicles and helicopters that will be active in the next phase in the fight against the terrorists," he said.\nOne of the main goals of the U.S. coalition is to train enough Iraqi soldiers and police to take over its security responsibilities, especially in western Iraq, where al-Qaida in Iraq is powerful, and Baghdad, where fighting between Sunni militants and Shiite militias is escalating.\nBush said the U.S. would accelerate a planned handover of security responsibility to Iraqi forces but assured al-Maliki that Washington is not looking for a "graceful exit" from the war.\nBush's comments came on the heels of the release of recommendations from an Iraq Study Group report on U.S. options in Iraq urging a major withdrawal of U.S. forces. Such a withdrawal would gradually shift the U.S. military role from combat to support, a shift in policy for the Bush administration that Bush seemed to reject Thursday, days ahead of the report's release.\nEarlier Thursday, al-Maliki called on lawmakers and Cabinet ministers loyal to al-Sadr to end their boycott of the government in response to his summit with Bush.\n"I hope they reconsider their decision because it doesn't constitute a positive development in the political process," al-Maliki said at a news conference on his return to Baghdad from a two-day visit to neighboring Jordan, where he met with Bush and King Abdullah II.\nThe 30 lawmakers and five Cabinet ministers loyal to al-Sadr had threatened to quit the government and parliament if al-Maliki went ahead with the summit, which aimed at halting Iraq's escalating sectarian violence and paving the way for a reduction of U.S. troops.\nBut they limited their protest to suspending participation in ministries and the legislature, and left open the possibility of returning to their jobs.\nA senior Sadrist legislator, Baha al-Aaraji, said the cleric's supporters would return to work when there are more well-trained Iraqi security forces and the government ends the country's chronic shortages of electricity and fuel.\nThe Sadrists played a critical role in al-Maliki's election earlier this year, and he appears reluctant to comply with U.S. demands to disband the Mahdi Army. The militia is blamed for much of the sectarian violence tearing Iraq apart.\n"Political partnership means commitment," al-Maliki said, addressing his Sadrist allies, whom he advised to use constitutional channels to air their grievances.\nAl-Maliki pledged again Thursday to act against illegal armed groups, but he did not name the Mahdi Army or say what steps he might take.\nMeanwhile, the U.S. military said Iraqi forces found 28 bodies Wednesday in what might be a mass grave south of the city of Baqouba. For about a week, heavy fighting between Iraqi police and Sunni insurgents has killed scores of people in and around Baqouba, 35 miles northeast of Baghdad.\nIn the southern city of Basra, police said gunmen killed Nasir Gatami, the deputy of the local chapter of a group called Sunni Endowment, and three of his bodyguards in an attack on their two-car convoy.\nThe Endowment, which confirmed the attack, was created to care for Sunni mosques across Iraq. In the past four months, 23 of its employees have been kidnapped in Baghdad, with suspicion focused on Shiite militias.\nThe military also said a U.S. soldier was killed during combat in Baghdad Wednesday, raising to at least 2,884 the number of U.S. service members who have died since the war began over 4 1/2 years ago.
(01/15/07 7:19pm)
It's official. Adam Herbert announced Friday that he will leave his post as president after his contract expires in 2008. The end of an era will soon be upon us as Herbert is self-expelled from office and dwindles into oblivion. Some will cry at the loss, some will smile and after many months of criticism and surrounding turmoil, there is really only one question on the minds of many IU students ...\nWho the hell is Adam Herbert? \nAnd furthermore, just what is he president of?\nAnd so I began to search for this man, somewhere, anywhere, in the realm of social, political or pop culture. I typed the name "Herbert" into Google and came up with some interesting results. Of course, I found several Web pages about Herbert Hoover and was quite excited at my progress until I realized that Herbert was this man's first name, and my heart fell at the epiphany. My spirits rose and crashed again at the name of Johnny Herbert, the British Formula 1 race-car driver who's first name is, alas, not Adam. So I decided to refine my search (being the fine student of higher education that I am) to "Adam Herbert." I was absolutely astounded at my results.\nApparently Adam Herbert has something to do with IU. In fact, he is evidently the PRESIDENT of IU. I quickly ran back to the lab to analyze my data (also the commercials were almost over and I had precious little time if I were to discover what crazy trouble Gilligan was going to cause this time).\nAfter careful study, I finally was able to reach some conclusions about the nature of this Herbert fellow. (If at this point you are still reading this column, I strongly urge you to put down the newspaper, pick up one of your fairly expensive textbooks and read about someone you actually care to know about.) According to the Office of the President's link at the IU home page, Herbert has held many positions at a multitude of nationally renowned universities. Also, he has spent much of his tenure at IU placing a "strong emphasis on the quality of undergraduate education".\nHowever, probably the most interesting thing I can tell you about our president (I would say esteemed, but apparently some people don't like him and even want him to be reviewed or something like that) is that many students at IU know more about Emilio Estevez's relationship with Charlie Sheen than they know about the policies and goals Adam Herbert has implemented. \nSo I took it upon myself, on my very narrow but sturdy shoulders, to discover why the students of IU are so disinterested in the actions of their president. I gathered my research materials: pens, pencils, notebooks, laptop computer, cellular telephone, list of key faculty members, rubber chicken, stopwatch, coffee and calculator. I was ready to begin.\nThen, suddenly, I heard the voice of patriot Sam Adams coming from the general vicinity of my refrigerator and dropped everything to go let him out.
(01/15/07 7:18pm)
Every Tuesday and Thursday I wake up at 8:45 a.m. and hop in the shower. After drying myself and putting on the first piece of clothing that falls off the hanger, I either spend the next 15 minutes preparing for an upcoming quiz or debating with myself if I should even go to class or if I'm a lost cause. Most of the time, I decide to go to school and arrive on time for my 9:30 a.m. class. For those of you who can perform mathematics, you'll see that the whole process takes about 45 minutes.\nLast time I checked, I am only one man and that decision affected only me. Yet according to Indiana Daily Student reports, it took that same 45 minutes for the IU Student Association to debate and decide on new resolutions to change the election process, beginning this year. This decision will affect more than 30,000 students. At this rate, the Roman Empire, centralized in Bloomington, will reach its former glory within the next 30 days. \nIUSA spent an absurdly small amount of time on these resolutions. The following are a few things IUSA could have done with those 45 minutes while delaying its decisions until it had a little more time to deliberate them. \nFirst, it could have played the first two games of a massive beer pong tournament. Beer pong is a wonderful pasttime. Perhaps IUSA should fight for an IU-sponsored beer pong face-off, faculty versus students. It could even get media coverage. Maybe it would make ESPN 8, The Ocho.\nIUSA members also could have used this time to pour a bowl of Reese's Peanut Butter Puffs cereal and sit around in their underwear watching reruns of "Mad TV" while only grunting at the television. I usually dedicate about 45 minutes to this every Saturday. It helps cleanse the ... well, it really doesn't help anything, but it's fun!\nIUSA could cower in a dark corner, avoiding sunlight and wait for an administrator or faculty member to come shake a piece of paper at the members before it reaches out its arm and puts a "rubber stamp" on the document. From what I understand, this seems to be an IUSA-supported way of dealing with matters. My only fear of this solution is that the members might be in that corner for more than 45 minutes, perhaps long enough for its members, along with student representation, to starve to death. This is no double standard. The IUSA has wonderfully shown that it can both lack action and be hasty when it does take action. Has anyone seen "The 40-Year-Old Virgin?" Yeah, it's kind of like that.\nI know that its members might not want to miss the new episode of "Survivor." However, the members of IUSA surely realize they hold important positions, so they might call a friend and have the show taped. However, if they intend to continue at their current pace, I have but one reminder: Remember, the Roman Coliseum holds just about 50,000, something you should know for its construction Thursday.
(01/15/07 7:18pm)
I drive a shiny 2005 Honda Civic, and I am working a great deal to meet the monthly payments. It might be a meager and cheap car to many on this campus, but the smooth-finished, blue-painted automobile is my pride and joy. \nAnd every day I am forced to park my little car in the stadium parking lot, or else try to find a small space to squeeze it in around campus, generally between a tiny Mazda Miata parked an inch from the line on the left and a massive LT1 someone's parents bought for them taking up every spec of space it can on the right. It's like trying to fit Marlon Brando into a bathtub, a bit slippery and extremely dangerous (not to mention very ugly). \nI walk away from my car, resigned to the fact that I will probably come back at the end of the day to find my driver's side mirror lying on the ground and my bumper smashed in. I've kept my complaints to myself during my semesters at IU, but I won't anymore -- not since last week's meeting of the Bloomington Faculty Council.\nThe BFC is proposing to restrict the sale of A and C permits to faculty members and graduate students who teach regularly scheduled classes, according to Indiana Daily Student reports. Apparently the frustration of a lack of parking at IU is affecting some faculty members' abilities to be effective in the administration of their courses. (How not being able to find a parking space has anything to do with, say, recalling and analyzing the events at Tiananmen Square and determining whether the students understand it is beyond me, but that's another issue.)\nWhen IUSA President Alex Shortle raised concern for the students' parking situation, an impressive move, what he received was a flippant response from BFC member Craig Bradley, who was quoted as saying, "They would park at the football stadium and ride the buses or ride their bikes ... Whatever."\nWhat really bothers me about this proposal is that it gives the appearance that some faculty members have forgotten to entertain a not-so-far-fetched possibility: that some students work pretty damn hard, some possibly even harder than their professors. It seems as though those who voted to endorse the proposal (the vote was not unanimous among BFC members) are trying to perpetuate the building of a wall between teachers and students. \nWhile such a wall is certainly appropriate in experience (I am not so arrogant to think that students even begin to crack the experience of our professors) and occasionally in the realm of intelligence, to imply that it is applicable in meticulousness is an amazing lapse of judgment. \nThe members of the BFC who voted for the proposal would do well to remember that a university is about the students and the education of those students and not about the convenience of the faculty who run it. We're all in the parking situation together. Deal with it.
(01/15/07 7:17pm)
What's worse than seeing those blue and red lights behind you on the highway? Seeing those blue and red lights behind you on the highway, and knowing that the officer in the car is most likely typing on a computer to find out instantaneously if you're an ex-convict, sex offender, drug abuser or (in some cases) all-around good person. And knowing that, in about 10 seconds, the rest of the IU Police Department is going to know that you're one of those things -- or, at the very least, a speeder (which is the same as "sinner" in my book).\nIUPD is getting wired. The department obtained equipment that allows both for instant access over wireless connection to an extensive crime database, and conference calls involving up to six IUPD squad cars. It also allows for text messaging between officers.\nThis is innovative new technology. And, no doubt, it will be put to good use. Imagine the new maneuvering capabilities the police department will now be able to perform. Calls to set up their plan of action, databases to tell them just who (or what) they're dealing with, and the shiny lights of a computer screen to make them feel important. And you know what? I bet they catch that drunken kid every time. \nSerious crime happens in all cities: big, small, Podunk or whatever. But why on earth an extensive increase in technology is necessary for IUPD is beyond me. If the only result of this upgrade is that a few more public intoxication and minor consumption tickets get handed out, I won't be praising the technology. Actually, I'll be pissed off. Why spend a bunch of money on something that has the main goal of punishing people for walking around campus intoxicated (which, correct me if I'm wrong, seems a better decision than DRIVING around campus intoxicated)? Or, maybe, a main goal of busting college kids out to have a good time? Maybe I have IUPD wrong about its goal -- but, goal oriented or not, an increase in those citations will most likely be the result.\nI can see the text messages already. "U wanna bust 4 drunkos?" "No, messin w homeless guy. ttyl." \nAlso, in regards to the possible problem presented on whether the in-car computer will distract officers' driving, IUPD Lt. Jerry Minger said it wouldn't distract more than a cell phone. This makes me feel better. Now I know that when I'm crossing Atwater at 2 a.m. and a cop car doing 75 mph runs my ass over, it wasn't the computer that caused my death ... it was the donut. \nFinally, IUPD hopes that the new wireless connections and computers will be installed by August 23 ... the move-in date for the dorms. This way, IUPD will be prepared to put a damper on the college experience for all those freshmen that get drunk on their first night and step outside the dorms. At least they'll immediately be able to join the Facebook group "Already Got My Drinking Ticket (or Probably Will Soon)." I have. I proudly received my minor consumption on September 21, 2003.
(01/15/07 7:14pm)
I can't help but get a little irked every time some Kentucky fan walks up to me in a bar, points to my IU hat (which I am rarely seen without) and says, "I bleed Kentucky blue." Dude, you do not bleed blue. You are not from Jupiter. You did not fly in on a space ship requesting of the first person you saw -- ray gun in hand -- to take you to Tubby Smith (UK \nbasketball coach synonymous with pure evil). That makes you a liar. But I'm not. I bleed crimson. I can prove it. Cut me.\nThat's right. I stand here before you, Natural Light in the left hand, beer bong in the right hand, tobacco juice dripping off my lip into my unkempt facial hair, proud as hell to be a Hoosier. As wide-eyed freshmen make their way into our wonderful city of Bloomington, it's up to us seasoned vets to educate and guide the fresh meat so that they understand what it is to have crimson blood.\nAnd what makes a Hoosier a Hoosier if not the amazing, practiced, ritualized, jubilant, stupendous ability to have one hell of a good time? Isn't it true Hoosier fashion to wake up in the morning before a football game to pursue various educationally detrimental activities and scream obscenities at the other team? Isn't it true Hoosier fashion to postpone homework to chill out with friends, claiming it's better to work under pressure? Isn't it true Hoosier, fashion to listen to a wide array of music, understand the beauty of the little things (like two-hour naps) and generally love life?\nIf you're a freshman still reading this column, you can give yourself a pat on the back. If you had made the inferior decision and ventured to that school in West Lafayette, you would now be learning that a Hoosier is a person who likes gears, soybeans and all around boringness. Instead, be encouraged to pursue a social life, get into a little trouble, be irresponsible as hell and let down Mommy and Daddy your first semester, when you only pull out a 3.1 GPA instead of that promised 4.0. Make friends. Make enemies. Make out. Piss off one professor. Leave another astounded.\nI challenge the current student body to show these newcomers our legacy. Every group has its own little quirk, something that makes it unique from all the rest of us Hoosiers -- yet we are all, nonetheless, Hoosiers indeed. We soon add another class to our numbers, and the more who understand "Hoosierness," the bigger the after party will be.\nWhat really makes a Hoosier? Knowing you're only young once and knowing you're young until you're 50? Knowing that you can have fun without drinking and drinking just the same? \nBeing a Hoosier is quite simple. You just have to bleed crimson. I do. I can prove it. Cut me.
(01/15/07 7:13pm)
After last week's attempt to climb back into the Princeton Review's unscientifically calculated top spot for nation's best party school with 107 arrests following the arrival of the 2010 freshman class, many students were scared. Mostly scared that they were going to jail after being covered in delousing powder and beginning a lifelong love affair with a 300-pound arsonist named Bubba. Needless to say, they felt compelled to contact IU Student Legal Services.\nLuckily enough for our 107 new lawbreakers (and unluckily for Bubba) these students learned that because of Monroe County's Defendant Accountability Program, they would only be required to pay a fine of approximately $400 and take alcohol education classes (as I am sure many of my loyal readers are already aware). Arrested students will only have to suffer this penalty, along with the horrific aspect of telling their parents that their baby boy or girl was drunker than Mel Gibson at Oktoberfest. \nLadies and gentlemen, I am a strong advocate of having a good time. I am a strong advocate of abolishing stringently enforced laws limiting the age at which adults (old enough to vote at 18) are allowed to make the decision to drink. I'm even an advocate of experimentation -- in the strongest and most diverse sense of the word -- when new students reach college. How else will they learn of all the cornerstones of the world?\nHowever, what I am not an advocate of is sheer, undeniable and limitless stupidity. And it is this state of head-in-butt syndrome that led to many of the arrests that IU saw during the past week. Take, for example, Alex, a freshman arrested lying on the front lawn of a dormitory last week. This is what he had to say about the incident:\n"On the way back (to Ashton), I got a little tired, sat down in the grass and went to sleep in front of Teter (quad)" ("Students deal with alcohol busts," IDS, Sept. 1).\nGetting tired? I have known a lot of people in my time as an insubordinate citizen who have "gotten tired" and been found later in the evening throwing up in a parking lot with a box of crackers in-hand. I'll bet none of them would have wanted their last name in the paper, either, after their little escapades.\nAt risk of being a hypocrite, let me say I too have been an expounder of stupidity. When I got my minor consumption ticket, I actually tried to hide behind a folding chair. But let me give you some advice. If you want to get completely obliterated in the coming weeks, that's fine. I hope your hangover isn't too bad. But if you know it's illegal for you to drink, and you know that you look like a tower of Jello that will fall over at any moment, then don't walk up to a group of cops and try to act sober or call them "pigs." And by all means, get your heads out of your butts.
(01/11/07 8:52pm)
LAKE FOREST, Ill. -- Minnesota safety Darren Sharper remembers it clearly, though it's been more than two months since Chicago quarterback Rex Grossman threw a late touchdown pass to beat the Vikings at the Metrodome.\nWhat happened next seems un-Rex like. The Bears' young quarterback started to talk trash to the Vikings. Apparently big-time.\n"In 10 years in the league I haven't had a quarterback do that any time to me, so we definitely remember that, and the guys in the locker room remember that," Sharper said Wednesday as the teams got ready for a rematch Sunday at Soldier Field.\n"Will that decide the game on Sunday? I don't think so, but it gives us a little extra motivation," Sharper added.\nEarlier in the Sept. 24 game, Grossman was intercepted by Antoine Winfield, who went seven yards for a touchdown that put Minnesota ahead. Grossman brought the Bears back, hitting a 24-yard pass to Rashied Davis with less than two minutes left for a 19-16 win.\nThen he celebrated, spicing it up with some salty comments to the Vikings.\n"I probably said some things that I regret, but the whole game their defensive backs were talking to me, just really getting under my skin a little bit and probably more than I should have allowed it to," Grossman recalled Wednesday.\n"But they were just yapping the whole game. I threw the interception for the touchdown, and Dwight Smith came up and smacked me on my helmet and was in my face. ... When we finally got the touchdown pass I probably went overboard a little bit with some of my emotions, some of the things I said."\nAdmitting he was upset at the time, Grossman wouldn't be specific Wednesday about what he said but added that his comments were directed at Smith and not the three-time Pro Bowler Sharper.\n"I probably just should have gone to the sidelines and started celebrating," he said. "It's a situation that if I'm ever in again, I'll just stay calm and just go off to the sidelines and never say a word. (Sharper) is blowing it up a little bit. What can you say really?"\nSharper didn't reveal the exact wording of Grossman's comments, either, but said the Chicago quarterback crossed the line.\n"He was kind of beating his chest, talking trash, this and that," Sharper said. "'You guys are this!' Whatever, whatever. Some curse words, stuff like that. He might've been caught up in the moment, but the thing about it is you always get another chance to see him, and we get that this Sunday."\nBring it on, Bears center Olin Kreutz said, suggesting that the Vikings are trying to get into Grossman's head.\n"Rex can talk whenever he wants. Anybody on the field can talk when they want, and that's where you handle it, on the field," Kreutz said.\n"That's the problem with the NFL. Everybody always issues threats through the media. No one ever really does anything about it, so that's something I'm kind of tired of. I've been here nine years, and everybody's always talking tough in the media, but there's never any fights. If you're going to talk tough, I mean, go fight somebody."\nGrossman has enough problems already, coming off a three-interception, one-fumble performance in a 17-13 loss to the Patriots that has some questioning how far he can take the Bears in the playoffs. He's thrown 11 interceptions in the last six games, but despite his uneven performances, Chicago (9-2) can clinch the NFC North with a victory Sunday.\nIf the Bears are worried about Grossman, they're not saying, but coach Lovie Smith offered this much: The team is not concerned about trash-talking, real or imagined.\n"A lot of things go on during the game," Smith said. "If you are describing Rex Grossman, 'trash talker' is probably not one of the ways I would describe him. Are things said during the course of a football game from both sides? Every game. This game will be won on the field. That has no bearing really on the game"
(12/11/06 3:40pm)
LEXINGTON, Ky. -- There the Hoosiers were, at it again. Down five points with 2:01 to play, freshman Joey Shaw stripped the ball from the University of Kentucky's Ramel Bradley near IU's basket. Shaw hit a layup. The Hoosiers were now down three.\nOn the ensuing UK possession, senior Earl Calloway picked Derrick Jasper's pocket near half court. Calloway sped down the court and attempted a layup. Jasper, however, was there for a block, and he knocked the ball out of bounds.\nStill IU's ball. Still a chance to tie the game or trail by one. \nBut after two Shaw misses under the basket and an errant three-pointer by senior Rod Wilmont, IU never scored again. \nSo it went for the Hoosiers in their 59-54 loss to UK on Saturday afternoon in Rupp Arena. Fantastic offensive rebounding for second- and third-chance opportunities. Relentless defense. Hustling for loose balls. Terrible shooting.\nJust how terrible?\nTry 50 missed shots.\n"You have to make shots," IU coach Kelvin Sampson said after the game.\nThe Hoosiers have out-rebounded all eight squads they've played this season. I think they've out-defended all of them as well.\nBut the offense continues to be the one question mark for this team. \nAfter struggling to establish himself in the post all season, D.J. White played like the D.J. White Hoosiers fans remember from his freshman year. He was hitting shots over double teams. He played under control and looked fluid. White finished the afternoon with 23 points on 10-of-19 shooting and grabbed nine rebounds.\nDespite his effort, what IU has relied on in lieu of White all season -- hitting three-pointers and outside buckets -- was nonexistent Saturday afternoon. IU had its looks. They just didn't fall.\nThe always-on Lance Stemler had his worst shooting game of the season. He was 0-of-7 from the floor, including six missed threes. Calloway finished 2-of-10 for the game.\nCouple White's play with IU's usual outside-shooting performance, and come Big Ten season, this team will be tough to beat -- \nwhether at home or on the road.\nMuch like IU's performance against Duke earlier in the season, Saturday's game again proved this Hoosier squad can compete to win in a hostile environment on the road.\nThey were unafraid and aggressive.\nYou couldn't always say that about a Mike Davis team. (Anyone remember that 61-42 loss at Minnesota last season? Geez.)\nLet's flip that 50-missed-shots statistic around. IU missed 50 shots -- 50 shots! -- but still had a chance to win the game Saturday. The team was in a stadium known for its intimidating environment, filled to capacity with 24,253 fans. \nThat's a plus. \nAs Sampson addressed the media after the game, White sat next to him perusing the stat sheet.\nAt one point, his eyes lit up.\nPerhaps he had just run across IU's field-goal shooting for the game: 22-of-72.\nDid we really miss 50 shots?\nYes, D.J., the Hoosiers did.\nIt probably won't happen again all season. But because of it, Kentucky squeaked by with a victory. \nThe Big Ten teams won't be so lucky.
(12/11/06 4:59am)
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. -- Fred Taylor slipped through the defensive line, cut right and gained 76 yards before Jason David caught up and made a touchdown-saving tackle.\n"I wasn't warmed up yet," Taylor said.\nIndeed, Taylor and the Jacksonville Jaguars were just getting started.\nMaurice Drew ran for a career-high 166 yards and two TDs, Taylor added 131 yards and a score before leaving with a sore right hamstring, and the Jaguars literally ran the Indianapolis Colts out of town and maybe out of contention for home-field advantage in the AFC with a surprising 44-17 victory Sunday.\nThe Jaguars (8-5) finished with 375 yards rushing -- tied for the second most in the NFL since the 1970 merger and the most since Cincinnati gained 407 yards against Denver on Oct. 22, 2000.\n"I haven't seen anything like that since I watched NFL films," Jaguars defensive end Paul Spicer said.\nThe Colts (10-3) spent much of the week working on tackling, trying to solidify the league's worst run defense and solve their biggest weakness. Instead, they were worse than ever.\n"I probably could have had 78 or so on two carries," Jacksonville defensive end Bobby McCray said. "They probably would have pulled me early to save me for next week."\nThe Jaguars expected to run the ball well -- they had 191 yards rushing in the first meeting -- but no one saw this coming.\nIt started with the first play, when Taylor took a handoff at the 6-yard line and nearly went the distance.\n"He set the tone for us," Jaguar coach Jack Del Rio said.\nDavid finally knocked Taylor out of bounds, but Drew scored on the next play.\nThe Jags ran at will in the opening half, controlled the clock and kept Peyton Manning & Co. on the sideline -- executing the game plan to perfection. Taylor had all of his 131 yards at halftime, Drew had 118 and the Jaguars led 24-10.\nIt could have been worse.\nJosh Scobee missed a field goal, David Garrard threw an interception in the end zone and Del Rio went for it on 4th-and-10 despite being in range for a long field goal.\nNonetheless, there was little the Jaguars could do wrong. They blocked a punt, harassed Manning most of the day and shut down the running game altogether (allowed 34 yards).\nEven when Derrick Wimbush slipped trying to field the second half kickoff, Drew scooped it up and ran untouched 93 yards for a score and a 31-10 lead.\nDrew ran so much -- the rookie finished with 303 all-purpose yards -- he started cramping up in the third quarter and had to get intravenous fluids.\nWith Taylor and Drew out of the game, Jacksonville turned to Alvin Pearman, who had 71 yards and a touchdown on 13 carries.\n"It's hard for words to describe it," said Del Rio, who improved to 2-0. "It was a great day running the ball, and I felt like we had some things that we'd be good at and we executed well."\nThe Jaguars beat Indianapolis for the first time since 2004 and improved their chances of returning to the postseason. The Colts had won three in a row in the series and were looking to clinch their fourth consecutive division title.\nNow, they're trying to regroup from a third loss in four games and wondering whether they've gone from the leading candidate to secure the conference's No. 1 seed to a possible wildcard team.\n"We need a convincing win where we can get our confidence and swagger back going into the last three games of the season and into the playoffs," linebacker Cato June said.\nIndianapolis -- which finishes the season against Cincinnati, Houston and Miami -- knows what went wrong. The defense hasn't been able to stop the run all season.\nThe Colts gave up 251 yards on the ground in the first half -- nearly 100 yards more than they averaged giving up in the previous 12 games.\n"The thing I told the team is that we will see what we are made of from here," said Colts coach Tony Dungy, whose team suffered its worst loss since a 41-0 drubbing against the New York Jets in the 2002 postseason. "It's fixable. We are going to have to get it fixed to get where we want to go."\nIndianapolis' defensive woes overshadowed Marvin Harrison's accomplishment. Harrison became the fourth player in NFL history with 1,000 receptions Sunday, joining Jerry Rice, Tim Brown and Cris Carter.\nHarrison finished with six catches for 101 yards. Reggie Wayne had eight receptions for 110 yards. \nManning finished 25-of-50 for 313 yards.\nManning and Harrison hooked up for a 42-yard gain on the game's opening play. It could have been a touchdown, but Manning badly underthrew Harrison. Three plays later, Brandon Stokley dropped a perfect pass in the end zone on third down -- a momentum-changer.\nThen the Jags started to run -- and couldn't be stopped.\n"We wanted to get to 400," Drew said, "but 375 isn't bad"
(12/11/06 4:55am)
NEW YORK -- Heisman Trophy night belonged to Troy Smith, but Brady Quinn's big day will come in April at the NFL draft.\nSeniors Smith and Quinn have one more game left in their stellar college careers.\nSmith leads No. 1 Ohio State into the national championship game Jan. 8 against Florida, where he'll try to wrap up his career with the ultimate prize. Quinn and Notre Dame are off to the Sugar Bowl to face LSU on Jan. 3.\nThen it's time to start thinking about getting paid. At the next level, that Heisman Trophy on Smith's resume doesn't mean much -- Eric Crouch, Danny Wuerffel and Gino Torretta can attest to that.\nSmith was the overwhelming choice of Heisman voters -- a record 86.7 percent of them put him first on their ballots. Arkansas running back Darren McFadden was the distant runner-up, and Quinn came in third, one spot up from his 2005 Heisman showing.\nQuinn, however, appears to be most wanted by the NFL. He's among the early favorites to be the first player drafted.\nSize and system are Quinn's advantages. He's 6-foot-4, and under coach Charlie Weis, Quinn has been running essentially the same offense Tom Brady and the New England Patriots used to win three Super Bowls.\nIn two seasons under Weis, Quinn has thrown for 7,197 yards and 67 touchdowns with seven interceptions and a completion rate of 64 percent. Plus, there's no question about his character and ability to handle the spotlight -- no small thing for an NFL quarterback.\n"Anybody that's able to start at Notre Dame and handle that pressure is very impressive," said Gil Brandt, an analyst for NFL.com, who was Dallas' vice president of player personnel from 1960-89.\nSmith is listed at 6-foot-1, which is less than ideal for the pros, and perhaps that's even a bit generous. The most important part of Smith's pro workouts might be when he faces the tape measure.\n"He's about the same height as Drew Brees and Michael Vick, and Brees is playing about the best of any quarterback in the NFL right now," Brandt said.\nAnother thing that could work against Smith is that he's done much of his best work out of the shotgun.\nBut Smith no longer can be labeled a running quarterback. Sure, he's still elusive and fast, but he only tucks and runs when all else fails these days.\nSmith ran 136 times for 611 yards in 2005. This season, he's run 62 times for 233 yards. He's comfortable in the pocket and accurate with his throws, completing 67 percent in '06 for 2,507 yards with 30 TD passes and only five interceptions.\n"The guy has a tremendously strong arm," Brandt said. "He's also very mature. The guy's 22 going on 25."\nAs Smith and Quinn head to the NFL, McFadden will return to college as the 2007 Heisman front-runner.\n"It was really just a great opportunity for me to be here with two seniors," said McFadden, the super sophomore who ran for 1,558 yards. He also had a 70-yard touchdown reception, a 92-yard kick return for a score and was 6-for-8 passing with three touchdown throws.\nSmith became the sixth quarterback in the last seven seasons to win the Heisman. USC tailback Reggie Bush broke up the quarterback run last season, and '07 is sizing up to be a big year for running backs.\nWest Virginia's Steve Slaton (fourth in the Heisman voting), Rutgers' Ray Rice (seventh) and Boise State's Ian Johnson (eighth) all are sophomores like McFadden.\nMichigan tailback Michael Hart, a junior, finished fifth and also could be back next season.\nOf course, McFadden's strong showing as a sophomore is no guarantee of a Heisman in his future.\nOklahoma tailback Adrian Peterson was the Heisman runner-up as a freshman to USC quarterback Matt Leinart in 2004. Return trips to New York City seemed to be a given for Peterson, but injuries cut into his sophomore year, and he broke his collarbone six games into this season.
(12/11/06 4:54am)
ST. LOUIS -- A creature of habit, Brian Urlacher dislikes the trappings and the inconvenience of playing on Monday night.\nThe Chicago Bears' standout middle linebacker would choose a matinee every time over the national television audience that'll be watching them play the St. Louis Rams.\n"I hate playing night games because you get home late if you're on the road, and it screws up your whole week because you only have one day to recover until you start practicing again," Urlacher said. "It is a big game because everybody's watching, but personally I'm not a big fan of it, except for the fact that everyone gets to see it and hopefully you play well."\nThe Rams (5-7) eagerly anticipate the game against a team tied for the best record in the NFL because that's about all that's left of their season. But they certainly aren't looking forward to the challenge of controlling the Bears' do-it-all middle linebacker.\nCoach Scott Linehan said Urlacher is "arguably" the best defensive player in the NFL, and there's no disagreement from Rams players.\n"You see it in the papers and you see it everywhere else that he is a big-time defensive guy that makes a lot of plays," running back Steven Jackson said. "He's certainly a guy that you have to account for. I'm definitely going to account for him."\nUrlacher leads a defense that is the cornerstone of the Bears' standing as the class of the NFC. Chicago (10-2) has a two-game lead for home-field advantage throughout the NFC playoffs.\nThe Bears have allowed only 150 points, an average of 12.5 per game and by far the stingiest showing in the NFL. It's prompted comparisons to the 1985 unit, one of the best in league history and led by another middle linebacker, Mike Singletary, that produced the franchise's lone Super Bowl championship.\nChicago, which clinched the NFC North last week, leads the league with a plus-10 turnover differential and also leads the NFL by a wide margin with 39 takeaways, 10 more than the next-best team heading into this weekend.\n"We got that comparison this year, last year, and in 2001 when we were really good," Urlacher said. "If and when we win the world championship, we can start talking.\n"They were good, they were really good."\nThe Rams hope to compete with a balanced attack that largely revolves around Jackson, following in Marshall Faulk's footsteps with his second straight 1,000-yard rushing season to go with a team-leading 72 receptions. He's third in the NFL in yards from scrimmage, trailing only LaDainian Tomlinson and Larry Johnson.\nJackson has emerged as a receiving threat after teams began using zones and double teams to take away the deep ball to Torry Holt and Isaac Bruce. That means longer marches, which have less chance of success against the Bears.\n"They can wreck the game pretty fast if you get careless or greedy, which is what you can't do," Linehan said. "If you're in long yardage all day with them, good luck.\nSomehow, the Rams remain in the running for a wildcard spot despite losing six of seven.\n"It's hilarious," Holt said. "It just shows the parity of the NFC."\nThe Bears have the NFC's best record in spite of quarterback woes. Coach Lovie Smith has elected to stick with struggling Rex Grossman, who has thrown 14 interceptions in the last seven games, over backup Brian Griese.\nGrossman, who had a miniscule 1.3 passer rating after going 6-for-19 for only 34 yards with three interceptions last week, believes the solution is to stop thinking so much and rely on his ability.\n"Sometimes you can analyze things so much that it's not even ... it's a game," Grossman said. "I know this offense. I study it so much that sometimes I think myself out of things.\n"'Just relax and go play football' is basically the best advice I've been given."\nThe Bears didn't practice for three days after beating the Minnesota Vikings last Sunday, and Grossman watched a lot of videotape.\n"It was pretty bad," Grossman said. "It's not like there aren't plays to be made, and I'm coming to the sideline frustrated like, 'What am I supposed to do?' I know what I'm supposed to do, it's just a matter of going out and doing it."\nIn any case, the Rams anticipate a heavy dose of running. That would be a natural choice even without Grossman's problems, given that St. Louis is the worst in the NFL against the rush. Nine players have 100-yard games against the Rams.\n"We're expecting them to run the ball," defensive end Leonard Little said. "We're expecting them to run the ball on all three downs. Maybe four downs"
(12/11/06 4:36am)
In light of Lindsay Lohan's recent e-mail debacle and the fact that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, I have decided to take this opportunity to make a similar public statement in response to Lindsay's. Here is my own e-mail. Please enjoy.
(12/11/06 4:34am)
All I want for Christmas is a delicious meal. \nSure, for some people, Christmas (ahem, the "holidays") is about the magical love of the season, celebrating respective and meaningful religious holidays with family and appropriately enjoying beloved Christmas movies and music. To you, I say: Sorry, you have no personality.\nFor me, the holidays are about the diverse smorgasbord of food available at holiday parties. Because food is one of the two things I know so well (the other is the life cycle of a caterpillar), I'm prepared to discuss it at length. \nAppropriately, we start with dessert. Because I am not diabetic and because I am a glutton, I needn't limit my dessert intake when it comes to the aftermath of holiday meals. Some people will make sure they don't feel too full after dinner so that they can appreciate dessert items more. That's garbage. I've eaten too much only when solid foods penetrate my pores in the shower. \nPies are the most overrated desserts. If I wanted pie, I'd go to Thanksgiving dinner. Christmas dessert is about cookies. At the holiday celebrations I attend, usually every person brings some sort of small cake made from stiff, sweetened dough rolled and dropped by spoonfuls onto a flat pan and baked. M&M's cookies, no-bake cookies, those cookies with a Hershey's Kiss in the center -- those are the winners here.\nThe losers? The piece-of-shit sugar cookies people have their 6-year-olds slather with red icing mixed with their own saliva and topped with those silver-ball sprinkles you're really not supposed to eat. It's hard for me not to feel insulted when a family member thinks I might want to consume and digest something like that. Why don't you just give me pneumonia?\nOn to appetizers. If your family is like mine, it's not difficult to fill up on the pre-meal fixings people bring, which is a wonderful way also to ensure dangerously high blood-sugar levels.\nHam can be an effective component to almost any appetizer. For use on a cracker with cheese? Yes. For use in chip dip? Yes, please. For use in a tropical-juice, Sprite and sherbet punch? I'll have seven.\nOn the other hand, when I witness a bag of, say, Fritos on the appetizer table among spinach dips and fresh veggie trays, someone gets strangled. I'm trying to celebrate the birth of Christ here! You think salty corn chips are going to be fulfilling? You're sick.\nThere's so much I could say about the main meal. Walking in a line with Uncle Ray in the kitchen and spooning green beans and mashed potatoes onto a Styrofoam plate is a beautiful thing. Still, word count limits me.\nOK. I'm not really so narrow-minded and food-obsessed. Of course, food is a traditional and even meaningful part of the season for most. But certainly the most important thing about the holidays is showing how much you love the people in your life.\nAnd this is best done with crescent rolls.
(12/11/06 4:33am)
If the frenzied mob of angry soccer moms descending upon Target this past weekend like a pack of rabid bears after hibernation was any indication that the holiday season is here, a slew of secularized religious holidays are right around the corner. The tantalizing jewelry sales at Kay, the kitschy knickknacks at seasonal kiosks and even those creepy Bratz dolls are calling to your credit card: "Buy this or you will have failed as a friend, child, boyfriend, parent ..." With the apparent commercialization of Christmas, Hanukkah and the Winter Solstice, it is very easy to be jaded to the possibility of the season. \nHow the commercialized monstrosity that we now know as the Holiday Season sprang forth from the beauty, majesty and goodness of the original celebrations, I'm not sure, but that is neither here nor there. The issue at hand is the proliferation of cynical scholars who claim that the holidays are dead save for their convoluted, commercialized offspring. Their apathetic claims of empty motions and lip-service greetings are somewhat disheartening but mostly infuriating to this die-hard sentimentalist. To claim the hollowness of the holidays seems to be en vogue for the jaded socialite crowd, the shallow elitists who bemoan the value of tradition and the sacra for the white bread appeal of secular unoriginality. The fact of the matter, however, is that this line of thinking, though popular and stylish, is a total cop-out. To acknowledge the dearth of sincerity and the culture of excess, yet do nothing in your own sphere to rectify the issue, is to become complacent and ultimately to blame for the collective apathy and sickening glut. \nIt's easy to sit back and complain about the commercialization of the holidays and mock the spend-happy masses. It takes no talent to intellectually shit upon those who have a special connection to the culture of holiday consumption. It's like all the people who didn't vote in 2004, then decried the corruption of the Bush administration: You have no right to criticize because you let it happen! What does take strength and heart is to take back the potential inherent in the winter celebration. \nNow is the time to put a little more love into your corner of the world. Instead of bending ear and knee to their heinous, spiteful philosophies and perpetuating the cop-out cycle, acknowledge the next three weeks as an opportunity to "re-gift" the world. Holiday-induced signs of love are only meaningless and empty if you allow them to be. Love requires no religious motivation, nor is its legitimacy lessened by the cultural frenzy of consumerism. Christians, Jews, Muslims and atheists can all agree that love is love, no matter the season. So in the next month, love your neighbor, your family, your friends, your dog, the stranger in the checkout line and everyone you meet because now is all we have. Take full advantage of your break away from student life. Give with all the passion you can muster and rediscover a zeal for life that will last you long into the new year.
(12/11/06 4:32am)
It is always a sure sign that one neither knows nor cares about Iraq if he or she buys into the masochistic myth that the source of jihadist violence is U.S. foreign policy. Those people now counsel deference to the "wise men" who cut their teeth under George H.W. Bush, whose aversion to "foreign adventures" apparently stands in pleasant contrast with current management.\nAs it happens, the "realists" bear heavy responsibility for the current travails in Iraq. From as early as 1991, these stability fanatics recommended that any opportunity to "address the root cause" and to remove a brutal dictatorial regime should be squandered. So Saddam and sons were left -- actually, confirmed -- in power. \nAt least two recent events suggest that members of this team have been brought back into the game. First was the elevation of Robert Gates -- former aid to the elder Bush's national security adviser, Brent Scowcroft -- to secretary of defense. Then was last week's publication of the Iraq Study Group's findings. The group stars James Baker, the former secretary of state to Bush pere. \nThere might have been some hope for a twist in the tale. Had those conservatives who were once so prudently dedicated to the status quo come to understand that it is no longer tenable, they might have been keenly aware what needs changed. Hence John Maynard Keynes' observation that conservatives can make very effective revolutionaries.\nBut alas, this hasn't played out. The Iraq Study Group has decided that the self-proclaimed parties of God and their masters should be given free reign in the region. This visible retreat to "realism" has given pause to every person who has thought a Bush Doctrine would be a wonderful thing to support if it ever really existed. The political class has lauded such a failure of nerve as the means to "peace with honor" in Iraq. Of course, handing such a terrible victory to those who practice nihilistic violence would be nothing of the sort.\nIt's always been easy to disparage the "export of liberty." But though the American project in Iraq has found many willing "collaborators" all over the country (and region), it was not born of brash idealism. President George W. Bush's diplomacy of freedom was issued out of the furies of Sept. 11, which were visited upon us by a corrupt and oppressive political order in the Arab Muslim world.\nThe ostensible abandonment of that muscular idealism is enough to make every neoconservative weep. But here is what can be said with certainty: Mr. Bush seems to recognize that both America's interests and principles dictate victory. As I wrote awhile back, borrowing from the 18th-century play, "Cato," this is fine because victory, though never guaranteed, can be deserved. \nYet it is now generally decided that Iraq is a losing cause. If so, I am unaware of any better losing cause than solidarity with embattled Democrats as we fight against our mutual enemies -- and the enemies of civilization. There is no alternative to keeping our nerve. The consequences of this cause being lost are too terrible to contemplate.
(12/11/06 4:31am)
If college is to prepare students for the cold, ravaged wasteland that lies outside the pearly Sample Gates, then there's one lesson white-collared slaves-to-be must learn during their brief tenures. Freshmen, we hate being the one to break this to you, but it's better that you learn now than have your bright-eyed optimism slowly beaten out by the University's two-by-four of disappointment over the next few years. \nWhat we are about to tell you will hurt more than learning the truth about Santa Claus: the disbelief, the anger, the betrayal. You have to stay strong because the next paragraph will expose the raw malevolence that courses through the veins of the faculty. \nIf you're standing, you may want to sit down. Here it goes: All of that work from last week was no accident. Dead week, as it is so lovingly referred, isn't real. It's a legend, a farce, a damned dirty lie. We're sorry.\nWe know it hurts like a stingray barb to the chest, but think of the risk we're taking by telling you. If staff editorials weren't written anonymously, the faculty would hunt the writer down, rip out his or her still pulsing heart, place it in a doggie bag and hand it to them for carry-out.\nEvery semester, the dead week myth is perpetuated by angry students unable to cope with the grocery list of assignments that pile up as their work ethics plummet. Unfortunately, it's all a deception. There's no official University policy that prescribes the way professors schedule their assignments. The Office of the Registrar's only mandate is that "paper projects may be due only if assigned well in advance." \nWe know the scope of the deception is overwhelming and nearly impossible to comprehend, but everyone lies; even your mother -- even to you. It may not be of any significant conciliation, but very few universities offer their students any respite from their studies. In fact, statistics from the National Institute of Quit Crying You Babies support IU's standing policy -- a full 77 percent of university professors don't give a rat's ass about sniveling undergrads.\nNor should they care. You're in college for goodness sake. If you're the least bit prepared to confront the demands of a bachelor's degree, then it shouldn't seem unreasonable to submit final projects on the concluding week of classes. It goes without saying that the later in the semester the assignment is due, the longer you have to work on it. \nTo put it in terms ingrates will understand, (namely, Family Guy quotes) your whinings are lamer than FDR's legs. \nWe know you've heard the "You're in college now" speech before, but most good cliches come from someone's good advice repeated ad nauseum. The fact of the matter is no one promised this whole college thing would be easy or even structured. Sink or swim, survival of the fittest and all that jazz. \nWe know the lies must be a lot to absorb all at once, but just between us, you always knew Santa was make-believe too.