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(02/01/01 3:58am)
So there I was, hiding from the rain in the Stadium White Lot. The wind was blowing, and my poor umbrella just couldn't take it anymore. \nIt snapped and got caught in my hair, and I made a complete idiot of myself for an eternity while a semi-circle of eight men watched silently. After freeing myself and losing my dignity, my umbrella was useless, and I stood there, soaked and getting still wetter. My companions did nothing.\nIt's official. Chivalry is dead.\nIt's a classic opinion page story:\nColumnist goes through tragi-comic ordeal; columnist fumes internally; columnist bends reality with humor and a small amount of insight; columnist writes article and gets paid.\nReaders enjoy column, chuckle inwardly, relate it to their own lives, (hopefully) recycle newspaper and go about their business.\nIf columnist is extremely lucky, reader drops columnist short e-mail. Columnist rejoices.\nThat's the formula for my writing success, and I hope it doesn't happen this time. I hope this column sparks widespread campus action!\nFirst of all, don't think that by chivalry I mean men being overly kind to "helpless" women a la "Gone With the Wind." And I don't think by any means that chivalry is something only men should practice. The Laura Ewald brand of chivalry is more like basic human kindness and common courtesy. And it's decidedly lacking at IU.\nMy companions should not have offered me help or shelter because I am a woman, but because I was a shivering, entangled human being. Had there been eight women on the scene, I would have appreciated help from them, too. \nChivalry 2K(1) is simply becoming more aware that other people are alive on this campus. People with boxes who can't get through doors; people with broken or no umbrellas; men and women a dime short at the vending machine. If we looked around and offered a helping hand more often, surely a warm, fuzzy feeling would permeate Bloomington and make us all happier people.\nHere are a few places to practice campus courtesy:\nBus etiquette\nIn this season of bus overcrowding, public transit politeness is a must. First of all, let others off before you shove your way in. When getting on the bus, please have your change and/or bus pass ready to go. No one likes the poor sap who stands there counting pennies while others are shivering in the snow. Also, fill in from the back to the front! That makes it easier for the unending line of people behind you to find a seat. And for the love of everything holy, only ding the bell for your stop once. Saying "thank you" to the driver is gravy.\nFun with cell phones\nYou're hip, you're in control, you have a cell phone. They're useful on the road and in a pinch. But really, people, are you that important that you need to call your roommate from Ballantine Hall to let her know you'll be home in 10 minutes? Chatting on an otherwise silent bus or elevator is also a definite minus; we don't want to hear what Mary wore to the party last night or how wasted Ted was Saturday.\nOn the road in B-town\nYes, the parking is scarce, the drivers are bad and there are more one-way streets than blades of grass in this town. So please don't state the obvious in a fit of road rage, and keep the obscene gestures to yourself! If there were less Irate Irenes on the road and more Laid-back Larrys, IU would be a better place to live.\nDazzling the ladies\nWhile I've already stated that both genders should freely practice chivalry, I'd just like to point out to guys that acts of consideration are greatly appreciated by the womenfolk these days! Look at chivalry as the icing on the cake: You're a smart, funny, talented and good-looking guy. You're awesome. But if you go the extra mile and open a door here, help a lady with her coat there -- you're James Bond. \nThere you go, kids. Remember, head up, smile and practice that whole "do unto others" thing.
(01/25/01 3:51am)
Dear President Bush,\nCongratulations on your recent inauguration. I voted for you, and I know you will be a creative, innovative and compassionate commander in chief. If you can overlook the fact that I supported Libby Dole, then John McCain and then you, I will try to overlook your past judgment flaws and work with you toward making the United States a better country.\n(Now that I've said on paper that I voted for you and will support you, please don't let me down! Believe me, it's hard enough being a conservative on a college campus.)\nThe main reason I voted for you is because I am not a Republican, a Democrat or a third-party member: I am a citizen. Had you belonged to any other party, I still would have voted for you (as you were the second-best man for the job and I couldn't vote for the best woman).\nIn a time of striking partisanship in this country, I support your view on working across party lines. That is important to me, especially when the media and the public thrive on political warfare. At the end of the day, I believe that each and every legislator wants to serve this country. While we might disagree on issues, bills and taxes, we agree that our nation needs strong and effective leadership. \nI come from an outspoken Republican family, one I often agree with on issues but disagree with on a negative attitude toward Democrats. My circle of friends includes staunch Democrats, whom I adore, respect and learn from every day, but whom I want to knock some sense into when they stubbornly stick to party lines.\nAs a reporter, editor and columnist for the IDS, a paper to which you should definitely give many exclusive interviews, I read a great deal of political and opinion copy. When I read letters from readers and writers blindly supporting their party, I wish they could read about and consider both sides of the issue as much as I do. (Sure, I get paid to do it, but I don't get paid that much. And not to sound as corny as your whole "I'm a uniter, not a divider" bit, knowledge is its own reward.)\nPresident Bush, as I watched the inauguration protests, I wanted to speak up for you. I think it's terrible that people accused you of being a racist. Racism and bigotry involve making a judgment before you get all the facts about a person -- often citing the color of their skin, their economic and social background or where they live. For protesters to accuse you of racism based on the fact that you are a white, upper-class, Christian Republican man from Texas is a racist statement in and of itself. \nToo often in this country, we forget that racism works both ways.\nI don't object to protest, especially when people are fighting for their most precious right: the right to vote. But I do object to the fact that you have not been given a fair chance as president. Perhaps if people had stopped booing for a few minutes during your moving inaugural speech, they would have heard the same words of hope and a call to action that made me confident you will be a good leader. \nBut while I will support you, I will not do so blindly. I believe the death penalty must be made illegal. Many human lives have been wrongly ended. This "perfect justice" can only exist in a perfect court system. And as long as humans serve the court, it will never be perfect.\nWhile I agree with you that America must take steps to decrease and limit abortions, I urge you to present this idea with great care. Women must have the right to choose. But they must realize that unprotected sex is a choice, a risk, perhaps a mistake. And each woman, while she must have reproductive options, must also take responsibility for her reproductive freedom. Listening is needed on both sides of this issue, and I am confident that activists on both sides can communicate without prejudgment and violence.\nI have a lot more ideas about many other issues, if you would like to hear them, Mr. President. Feel free to e-mail me at letters@indiana.edu with any questions you have about how I am going to change the world. I hope my fellow students will also seek to work and communicate with you.\nHow else will you know what we want?
(01/18/01 4:24am)
Monday, I attended the Martin Luther King Jr. Leadership Breakfast in Alumni Hall of the Indiana Memorial Union. I was excited about the chance to honor King's legacy and meet new people. (I was also excited about eating breakfast, as I live off campus and don't know how to cook. Apparently, many people eat a meal before noon that is not from the IMU Burger King. Who knew?)\nI arrived at the breakfast not-so-bright-eyed and bushy tailed, as it was 8 a.m. (Apparently, many people also wake up and shower before noon. I am only willingly get up before noon to watch "Days of Our Lives," which airs bright and early at 11 a.m.) But despite my zombie-like physical state, I was eager for the celebration to begin.\nThe ceremony included a meal, prayer, the unveiling of the Project Respect 2001 poster, a song and a taped message from Gov. Frank O'Bannon. A special honor was paid to Bloomington Chancellor Kenneth Gros Louis for his years of work toward campus unity.\nThere was, of course, a diverse group of people in Alumni Hall that morning: different races, different ages, different genders and backgrounds. Fortunately, this beautifully mixed group of people is not a rare sight at IU: "diversity" is the campus catchphrase. I inwardly congratulated my University and my generation as I listened to the speakers and table conversation.\nBut my perhaps naively optimistic outlook changed after graduate student Tyrone Simpson spoke. Simpson is the first-place winner in the graduate category of the King Day 2001 Essay Competition. His powerful speech began with a song and ended with a weighted silence. In his essay, he reminded the audience that, while humanity has come a long way in the fight against injustice of all kinds, we have a long, long way to go before realizing the vision of unity shared by King, Ghandi, Sojourner Truth, Jesus Christ and countless other leaders.\nAs I listened, I took a step back and looked at my life. Even though I strive for unity, equality and peace in society, I don't really do that much about it. Many times, my generation feels the war against hatred has already been won. \nWe fight no wars, we stage no protests, we have not been on a bus that required African Americans to sit in the back. Bigotry, in our mind, is a thing of the past. Racism has already been fought by people such as Abraham Lincoln, Rosa Parks and other historical figures. Too often, we think the work has been done for us.\nIf the fights for civil rights, equal rights and human rights are over, why is Matthew Shepard dead? Why was graduate student Won-Joon Yoon killed in front of his church right here in Bloomington? Why do we tell and tolerate racist jokes and comments? Why do we allow misconceptions about different religions and denominations to be passed on to new generations? Why are homosexuals alienated from my Christian religion, which preaches love and respect for all humankind?\nIt is time for our generation to get out of its comfort zone. Yes, we have come a long way. And I appreciate and celebrate that fact every day. But we also have a long way to go.\nUntil women are given equal pay for equal work, the fight is not over. Until police brutality is ended, the fight is not over. Until racist comments are not tolerated in casual conversation, King's dream will not be realized.\nThe state of apathy many of us live in is not acceptable if we want to improve the world in which we live. Talking and thinking about issues of injustice is a good thing, but useless unless coupled with direct and decisive action.\nWe are blessed to live on a campus committed to diversity and unity. We have so many opportunities for personal and social growth: cultural events, religious services, cultural centers, classes -- even the IDS opinion page. I encourage all of us to remember that, while we are living in a time of prosperity and peace, our generation needs to start taking action.
(01/17/01 3:57am)
"Passions," "Saved by the Bell," "Survivor," "Total Request Live" and ESPN commercials.\nThese and more guilty TV pleasures bring laughter into our living rooms and smiles to our faces. And while "Temptation Island" might be a bit more risque than the aforementioned programming, it follows the same lighthearted format, and should be treated as such.\nThe new CBS prime time show ships four couples off to a tropical paradise, testing their commitment to each other with a group of "sexy singles." These couples are at a point in their relationship where they could either stay together, making their relationship stronger, or go their separate ways after their stay on the island. The program should make for interesting viewing, with high drama, lovers' quarrels, inner struggle and, well, sexy singles.\nSome say the show will promote promiscuity and unfaithfulness, suggesting the tests on the island will tear the couples apart. But even if that idea is true, these couples agreed to be on the program and to have their love tested, tempted and taped. Their love lives are their business, even if they decide to display their business on national television. \nWhile some argue the show might expose children and young adults to immoral themes, the show does air during prime time, when young children are in bed and young adults can be supervised. It is up to parents to decide whether the program is suitable for their children. This task is no one else's responsibility.\n As for adults who dislike the perhaps shaky moral ground "Temptation Island" stands on, they can change the channel. Every individual has the right to choose what he or she will watch on television, whether it's PBS programming or pornography.\n With possible actors' and writers' strikes looming on the horizon, the reality TV market is booming. Some shows, notably "Survivor," succeed. Others receive a lukewarm response or fail miserably. (Does anyone remember the "Big Brother" cast?) While network executives are in control of presenting programming, the public decides what shows are fit to watch, and what shows are destined for mid-season cancellation.\nIf you oppose the steamy content or possibly morally questionable format of the show, don't watch it. If you don't want your children to be exposed to adult themes on television, limit their viewing to more age-appropriate programs. It's that simple.
(01/11/01 4:03pm)
Welcome back, darling readers. I trust all of your winter breaks were full of wonder and delight. But now that we gather back together for a new semester, it's high time we started thinking about the elections.\nNo, I'm not in a time warp. I don't mean Al vs. Dubbya again; I mean IU Student Association elections. And no, I'm not running for office, using my column as a political springboard. It's just that I think it is important to vote in any and all elections, including the one most students don't really know much about.\nWorking at the IDS means automatically learning about IUSA elections, whether you really want to or not. You at least become familiar with the names on the tickets and are reasonably well-versed in what they are trying to accomplish.\nBut for those of you not paid to research, report, photograph and edit this information, IUSA elections are a bit more tricky. Sure, you can read about it in the paper, but somehow the whole IUSA fever skips over the vast majority of the student body.\nAnd can you really blame the students who don't rock the vote in IUSA elections? Sure, the candidates mean well, but who can differentiate between the party that demands more staplers in the Main Library and the ticket that wants more parking spaces in the Indiana Memorial Union lot?\nIrrepressible defender of the vote that I am, I've come up with a few campaign platform suggestions to help IUSA candidates spice up the elections. Should a ticket propose any of the following in this year's race, I would surely support its cause:\nRotating campus\nMy friends and I came up with this idea during the Intensive Freshman Seminar after we got tired of walking around such a huge campus. Lightening struck when we asked ourselves: "Why should we walk to Ballantine Hall when it could come to us?"\nThe answer is simple: Rotating campus. Or, if you want to, go ahead and ask me for permission to use my phrase for such a rotating utopia: "Rotopia."\nJust put all of the residence halls and apartments in the center of campus, and put the class buildings, IMU, Main Library and other staples of student life on a moving ring outside of the living area. That way, students would wake up, walk outside and wait for their building to glide by. Brilliant!\nFix the bus proposal\nBecause frankly, we're sick of hearing about it. But if you use my Rotopia idea, we won't need campus buses anymore. Bloomington Transit could still run around town, but who would want to leave campus, anyway?\nEliminate the parking problem\nOK, I don't have a car, but I still know the parking on this campus is out of control. Oh, wait … that's because there is no parking on this campus. Not to dwell on the feasibility of my Rotopia plan, but this would also eliminate the need for parking on campus. We would just leave our cars in lots outside of the rotating ring, and go get them when we needed to travel.\nUnderground tunnels\nWhat is this cold, white substance on the ground? Oh, that's right, it's snow. And I'm surely not the only member of the student body who doesn't want to put up with this nonsense anymore. Underground tunnels would make the winter months bearable for Hoosier students, and would make our campus really awesome and the envy of other schools.\nContinue to read my columns\nNow that you potential candidates have mulled over these brilliant plans, be sure to keep an eye out for more. I'm sure my gentle readers will e-mail me a few suggestions of their own. I'll be the self-proclaimed liason between IUSA and the little people. That way, we will all see creative student proposals put into action.\nI have to go … I think Woodburn is about to rotate by.
(12/07/00 3:26am)
Shh... baby, don't speak.\nIt's better this way, dear readers. We both know that it's my last column of the semester. And while parting is such sweet sorrow, rest assured I will do my best to be back and better than ever in January. Oh, how I shall miss the opinion page until then! \nEven as I get ready to settle into copy desk again next semester, I secretly pine for those sweet summer days as the opinion editor. Ah, the sheer power! Opening up letters@indiana.edu, reading who thinks what and why. So many thought-provoking e-mails and letters, so little newspaper space. \nContributing every week also has its perks... I honestly can't believe that those suckers at the IDS actually pay me to tell you guys what I think. I write about food and forwards, for crying out loud! \nBut even if I don't have a column next semester, I will keep up with the opinion page every day, as I have since I was a freshman.\nI love that we have this open forum to express our ideas, beliefs and suggestions about the way this world should work. I love that every person has an equal opportunity to make his or her voice heard.\nPolitics, Starbucks, Coach Knight, Kirkwood, the quality of the IDS, IU President Myles Brand, sweatshops, God, the administration, traffic, dimpled chads, holidays, sports, the economy... we have a lot to consider, congratulate and condemn.\nNow... what are we going to DO about it?\nIf you wrote in because you were upset about poor voter turnout, what are you going to do about it? If you contributed because you want the community to support small businesses more, how will you promote that in the next year? If you think that it is outrageous that the president of this University makes more money than the president of the United States, how are you going to implement change? If you wrote in because you don't like my columns... well, please don't do anything about that.\nMy point is this: We are quickly becoming a nation of complainers. While it's wonderful that we speak out against what we feel is wrong, we must be willing to take action. Please, by all means, write a letter. But also find a way to improve the situation you're concerned about.\nI'm excited about a new semester and a new year. While New Year's resolutions are notoriously not achieved, I challenge you to make a few you can really stick to this year.\nTopping my personal list are voter registration, giving blood, promoting AIDS awareness, encouraging literacy and teaching others the joy of Shakespeare.\nIt is indeed better to take arms against a sea of troubles, as good ol' Will said, than to drown in them for lack of action.
(11/30/00 6:44am)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>If ever a pop album had a fighting chance with an IDS reviewer, it was this album with this reviewer. My tolerance and enjoyment of the pop genre has been a long-standing joke in the newsroom, and when Now That's What I Call Music 5 drifted into the IDS, it immediately found its way into my waiting hands. I tried to play it off like I wasn't that excited to review it, but I was in heaven.
(11/30/00 5:00am)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>If ever a pop album had a fighting chance with an IDS reviewer, it was this album with this reviewer. My tolerance and enjoyment of the pop genre has been a long-standing joke in the newsroom, and when Now That's What I Call Music 5 drifted into the IDS, it immediately found its way into my waiting hands. I tried to play it off like I wasn't that excited to review it, but I was in heaven.
(11/30/00 4:01am)
Hello, gentle readers. I hope you all had a fabulous Thanksgiving; I sure did. My holiday was full of both thanks and giving, and of course I was most thankful for each and every one of you.\nMy family takes food seriously, so there was lots of it. Every year, I promise myself I will be good and not eat too much. And every year, my brother and sister egg me on in a culinary extravaganza that rivals even the Eating Olympics. And relatives! Sure have lots of those! We gathered together in Muncie, coming from California, Alabama, Michigan and Washington. It was good times.\nI like to think of Thanksgiving as a warm-up to the rest of the holiday season. I absolutely adore my family, but I need those three weeks or so of interim time before I'm ready to jump into Christmas. \nAnd I figure I'm not alone in the struggle. It seems college students are the most-targeted group in the Relative Inquisition that occurs with every family gathering. To help my fellow Hoosiers (and to give love to my "East Coast Readership"), I've come up with a few tips on how to survive this holiday season.\nThe Kiddie Table\nAh, sweet oasis of holiday cheer! I don't know where I'd be without the Kiddie Table. The KT is more a state of mind than a physical location. You can be in your late 20s to early 30s and still be a member. You can even be sitting at the (gulp) Adult Table and still be a card-carrying member of the KT.\nThe KT is where you can catch up with your cousins and siblings without getting "all up in their business." The KT is where you can get a plateful of just mashed potatoes and no one will send you back to the spread.\nFor my family, the post-dinner KT becomes a speakeasy. We break out the cards, drink a few cases of Coke and play Hearts, Spades and other games until our parents drag us kicking and screaming back to the world of adults. If you don't have a KT, I strongly suggest you band together with the young folks this Christmas break.\nPreparation\nStand ready to discuss your classes, grades, your significant other or lack thereof, what you're doing this summer, your job, Coach Knight and the election. \nHors d\'oeuvres\nIt's really hard to answer uncomfortable relative questions with a mouthful of cheese and crackers. This gives you the triple advantage of avoiding the query without appearing rude, giving compliments to the chef and having a mouthful of cheese and crackers.\nOther Young Relatives\n"Laura, are you dating anyone?" (Subtext: yet.) \n"Well, not really, but -- Hey! There's Jennifer, why don't you ask her?"\n"Laura, my uncle's friend's cousin's son's best friend's sister knows a young man who would be perfect for you!"\n"Hey, there's John. I hear he's going to ask someone to prom!"\nSimple and effective.\nGrandmas\nGrandmas are great for passing out leftovers (college kids love free food), giving good advice, giving good hugs, offering unceasing praise and fending off the queries of other relatives. \nThe Post-Holiday Gift Trade\nYou got a gift certificate to that clothing store you don't really like. Luckily, one of your cousins is willing to trade! The after-Christmas bartering in my family usually leads to yet another game of cards, so that's an extra bonus.\nThe Election\nNothing stops a bout of inquisition or any other uncomfortable conversation faster than the words "dimpled chads." My family was obsessed with watching the Florida tomfoolery during Thanksgiving, and I can only hope it continues during winter break.\nI hope these words of wisdom will help you out during the next few weeks. Let me take this opportunity to tell my family members I love them and I'm only kidding!
(11/16/00 4:50pm)
\"Laura! It's been too long... we've missed you so!"\nAnd I, darling readers, have missed you. After all, you are the collective sunshine of my existence.\n"What have you been doing these past few weeks?"\nWell, I'm really glad that you asked that question, as it leads nicely into this week's column, the ever-tedious and formidable internship search.\nThis whole internship thing has really snuck up on me, as a) I don't really know what I want to do with my life, b) procrastination, as you know, is my middle name and c) I'm desperately trying to find an internship that actually pays.\nStop laughing.\nOh, that I were a carefree freshman, looking forward to a summer of relaxation and personal growth. But this summer will be my last as a student (I hope). As much as it pains me to say, it's high time I started being a -- gulp -- grown-up.\nAnd grown-ups, as we all know, need jobs. And for many students, getting a job means getting experience with a swanky internship. So for the past few weeks, I've been searching the Internet and talking to friends, desperately searching for the most wonderful internship out there for this summer.\nThe search process is exhausting, as is the actual application process. It's rather easy to find positions to apply for; filling out and compiling the necessary paperwork for said position isn't quite so simple.\n"Interns for ACME Communications enjoy real-world experience, possible job placement, housing and a stipend."\nGreat! Sign me up.\n"To apply, please send 55 writing samples, eight copies of your transcript, 45 letters of recommendation, six current photographs and an essay on your favorite pet."\nUh... yeah. Let me get right on that.\n"The Big Governmental Internship for the Performing Arts offers professional experience, free acting work shops, travel expenses and a stipend."\nNew York, here I come!\n"We accept no more than two interns per decade, and you must have professional experience. Former child actors encouraged to apply."\nRight.\nFear not, loyal readers, I'm sure we'll all find great jobs this summer. And because writing columns about applying for internships is easier and more fun than actually applying for said internships, here are my tips to land the summer job of your dreams:\nHighlight Your Skills\n"Hey Laura, I was a lifeguard last summer. That's good experience, right?"\nYou bet, but we're going to list it as "Aquatic supervisor and life-risk troubleshooter." Pretty neat, huh?\nI'm not saying you should lie about your experience or activities, I'm just saying that "child care technician" sounds better than "babysitter" on a resume.\nPicture Perfect\nBe sure to have some recent photographs taken of yourself: I learned this the hard way. After several hours of thumbing through some rather creative photos of me with various friends, family members and my dog, I had to resort to my senior picture. Sigh. I have to give myself some credit: At least it was a simple head shot, not me sitting on a big "SENIORS RULE" sign or anything.\nSeriously, get a good picture of you by yourself. And come on, people; we all know "self-portraits" don't count.\nFinally, if all else fails...\nThe Clear Plastic Binder\nI don't know why, but there's just something about the clear plastic binder that screams "Professional!" I use the CPB for just about everything. Essays, group projects, keeping my lunch tasty fresh. If these bad boys can't get you in the door, I don't know what can. You don't even really have to put anything in the CPB, just send it alone in an envelope, and the job is yours.\nWell, kids, I'm running out of room and advice. Just know that when you're feeling down and out about the internship search, I've got your back. Feel free to e-mail letters@indiana.edu, and I'll be more than happy to help you with your resume. And if you're lucky, I'll throw in a clear plastic binder.
(10/30/00 4:36am)
His voice is unique and unmistakable. His stage presence is energetic and full of life. Introduced to the audience Friday as a "legendary genius of jazz," Ray Charles brought his signature musical artistry to the IU Auditorium. \nCharles' recording career began in 1949, after perfecting his sound in the Seattle night clubs. His extensive repertoire and original stylings brought him acclaim from the public and critics alike, and helped him earn 15 Grammy Awards and the Polar Music Award, Sweden's most prestigious musical honor. In the program notes, Charles describes his talent as completely natural.\n"I was born with music inside me. That's the only explanation I know," he said.\nThe evening began with an opening act by groups of the African American Choral Ensemble, Sojourner, God's Progress and Soul-ACE, directed by James E. Mumford. The groups, who cited Charles as an influence on their music, presented contemporary gospel music with enthusiasm and soul. Each song was prefaced with information on the style and origin of the selection, and the audience had the opportunity to learn about the genre while enjoying the performance. \nEach group performed several selections, accompanied by a talented band led by senior Charleston Sanders. Highlights of the opening act included "King Jesus" by Sojourner and "Grateful" by God's Progress. The groups ended the first act with a song dedicated to the late graduate student Won-Joon Yoon and the missing student Jill Behrman, inviting the audience to stand in their honor.\nAlthough the audience enjoyed the gospel performance, they were anxious to see Charles perform. At the beginning of the second act, the Ray Charles Orchestra was met with expectant applause. The orchestra played two upbeat numbers before Charles was introduced, featuring several solo performances by band members. \nCharles finally graced the stage, responding warmly to the standing ovation he received. He immediately sat at the keyboard and led the band in jazz, rhythm and blues, pop and soul selections. His deep, unique voice was perfectly matched by the band, allowing for fresh improvisation in familiar tunes. \nThe audience responded appreciatively to many of the selections, including "Georgia on My Mind" and "Till There Was You." Charles was joined late in the second half by the "Raelettes," three talented women who added a perfect touch of powerful vocals to Charles' magic on the keyboard. \nCharles' warm and joyful presence shone in the songs, as he tilted his head back, chuckled to himself, kicked his legs and laid back on his bench throughout the night. The audience seemed to enjoy these actions almost more than the songs themselves. \nHe reciprocated the audience's energy and talked freely to the audience and the band, often breaking from song to add off-the-cuff comments to the crowd. He created an intimate, familiar atmosphere with his comments and his music, and seemed at home on the stage. \nThe evening ended with another standing ovation, and Charles again responded with joy, bending and slapping his knees with an energy that belied his 70 years. The only detriment to the evening was that Charles was not onstage longer. \nThe audience left with the energy and talent of a true legend.
(10/26/00 2:56am)
As November approaches and Al "Let me tell you one more 'true story'" Gore and George "Did ya know that Texas is a big state?" Bush's camps continue to throw verbal spitballs across the political cafeteria, two terms have been thrown in my face on a daily basis. These two phrases, charged with emotional, religious and political energy, are by no means new to my ears. \nBut lately, I've concluded these words do not adequately delineate the stances they represent. These phrases are "pro-life" and "pro-choice."\nThere is no pro-life\nI write this because there is no rational man or woman, regardless of his or her abortion stance, who wants the death of an unborn child. If one is pro-choice, it does not mean that one is happy about abortion. It just means that one supports the existence of abortion as an option for a pregnant woman. \nBeing in favor of abortion does not mean that one is heartless, thoughtless or unfeeling. Proponents of abortion do value life, despite social stigma. Abortion is a sad, difficult and emotional process, in theory and in practice. Abortion is not an easy or careless choice for a pregnant woman or for proponents of the process.\nEven with the presence of the new abortion pill, a woman must undergo counseling and an information session, as well as signing multiple legal documents, before getting an abortion: It is not a snap decision.\nTherefore, there is no "pro-life," as life is something cherished and celebrated by proponents and opponents of abortion alike.\nThere is no pro-choice\nWhether abortion is legal, women still have reproductive choices. Those opposed to abortion are not by default in favor of oppressing women and sending them back into the proverbial kitchen. Despite public generalization, one does not have to be a) male, b) Christian or c) Republican to be an opponent of abortion.\nAs a woman, I have countless reproductive choices with or without abortion. My choices are the result of my instincts, education and faith: I do not presume to say they are "better" than the choices made by other women.\nThat said, I choose to remain abstinent until I am married. Abstinence is an option, a choice, for every woman; I'm not saying it is the "right" or "only" choice for everyone, but it is for me. By exercising this option, one could say I am pro-choice.\nShould I by some unforeseen circumstance become pregnant before I am married, I have the choice to either keep my baby or give he or she up for adoption -- two more ways I am pro-choice, even without abortion.\nAnd if I did not opt to remain abstinent, I have countless reproductive choices to prevent pregnancy and/or sexually transmitted diseases, as my dear friend and safe sex guru Mark A. Price would be quick to point out even more options.\nEvery woman, regardless of her abortion stance, is therefore "pro-choice."\nWe have common ground\nThus far, name-calling, labeling, political pandering and violence have failed to move society forward in the abortion debate. Hypocrisy is alive and well on both extremist sides of the issue: Some abortion opponents have killed and threatened doctors, clinic employees and pregnant women in the name of "pro-life." They have likewise been detrimental to the quality of life for pregnant women at a time of physical, emotional and mental trauma in their lives.\nOn the other side of the fence, some abortion supporters use cheap shots and unfair claims in an attempt to sway female voters: These extremists unfairly portray those opposed to abortion as archaic, uninformed and chauvinistic. This immature behavior only strengthens social stigma and makes matters worse.\nI encourage both sides to explore the common ground that we have: Protecting women's health, encouraging adoption, ending violence and stopping unfair political pandering. By doing so, we can simultaneously protect women and unborn children, a desirable goal on both sides of the fence. We can all be pro-life and pro-choice.
(10/23/00 4:54am)
\"The Music of Andrew Lloyd Webber," presented at 8 p.m Friday in the Auditorium, was an evening of beautiful and diverse music. The national touring ensemble and orchestra gave the audience a taste of the wide variety of Lloyd Webber's work, focusing on the music, not the spectacle, of his acclaimed productions.\nThe ensemble and the Philharmonia Europa, conducted by Brian W. Tidwell, performed selections from some of Lloyd Webber's earliest works, "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" and "Cats" to his more recent "Whistle Down the Wind." \nThe songs were enjoyed by audience members both familiar and unfamiliar with Lloyd Webber's repertoire. And the absence of sets, costumes and complicated storylines allowed for an intimate focus on the orchestration.\nAlthough the ensemble was energetic and talented, the presence of some half-hearted choreography often gave the troupe of 14 singers a high school show choir feel. The choreography was often in sharp contrast to the onstage orchestra, transforming what might have been a professional concert atmosphere into a confusing compilation of short scenes.\nAnother performance anomaly occurred when Tangena Church performed "Don't Cry For Me Argentina" from "Evita" in full costume. Her ornate and dramatic dress was highly out of place, as the performers all remained in simple black evening wear throughout the rest of the production.\nBut despite the lackluster choreography and unnecessary costume, the vocals were strong and several pieces captivated the audience. \n"Gethsemane" from "Jesus Christ Superstar," powerfully performed by Mark Rinzel, and the title song from "Whistle Down the Wind," performed by Jason Burke and Aimee Neal, stole the show with their simplicity and grace.\nThe orchestra, when presenting "The Phantom of the Opera Overture" and "Evita Suite" without the singers, proved that Lloyd Webber's music is as moving and beautiful without vocals as with the ensemble.\nDespite the lack of the intricate sets that often accompany Lloyd Webber productions, the simple backdrop of deep blue, which was occasionally set with sparkling stars, was an appropriate and lovely set for the music of the night.\nVivien Leone, the lighting designer who has assisted in the lighting plots for "Sunset Boulevard" and "Fosse," used simplicity to her advantage. She lit the stage in soft blues and greens for the romantic pieces and fierce oranges and yellows for upbeat songs such as "There's a Light at the End of the Tunnel" from "Starlight Express."\nOverall, it was an entertaining exploration of the diversity and depth of the work of a musical theater legend. The music was highly enjoyable and the performers were animated, but the ill-suited choreography transformed what might have been a professional concert setting into a overindulgent production.
(10/20/00 4:51am)
Norma Desmond, Joseph, Grizabella, Evita, the Phantom and Christine Daae. \nThese and more captivating characters were created by the influence of one man's music. "The Music of Andrew Lloyd Webber" will bring these characters to life at 8 p.m. tonight at the IU Auditorium.\nLloyd Webber's music has won Grammy, Tony and Academy Awards and enchanted musical theatre audiences around the world for decades. He has written music for more than a dozen hit Broadway shows, including "Cats," "Sunset Boulevard" and "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat."\nBroadway and London's West End have run his musicals continuously for two decades, and in 1997, Lloyd Webber's "Cats" became the longest running musical in Broadway history. According to a press release, there are currently 25 Lloyd Webber shows running in 11 countries around the world.\nBut while many Lloyd Webber productions, such as the Tony-winning "Phantom of the Opera," feature elaborate sets and intricate costumes, "The Music of Andrew Lloyd Webber" takes a simpler approach to the music. Auditorium General Manager Bryan Rives said the show focuses on the music, not the spectacle, of Lloyd Webber's productions.\n"What the audience will see is a concert version of great Broadway songs," Rives said. "There will be a full orchestra onstage, without sets, costumes or the storyline."\nAuditorium Student Manager Jyll Nicholson, a junior, said people might come to the performances expecting these more technical aspects of the show.\n"I think the biggest misconception about this show is that it is short scenes from the musicals, with costumes and sets." Nicholson said. She added that the orchestra plays as important a role as the singers in the production.\nSuch orchestration in 1982 helped Lloyd Webber to become the first composer to have three musicals running in New York and three in London simultaneously. Since that time, he has repeated the achievement during the past two decades, according to www.thephantomoftheopera.com. \nWhile spectacular sets and costumes heighten the experience of many of these Lloyd Webber productions, Rives said the audience will not be disappointed.\n"This show features all (of Lloyd Webber's) most popular songs," Rives said. "The music of Andrew Lloyd Webber was frequently requested by Auditorium patrons.\n"All the shows are selected by research of subscribers every year," Rives said. "Patrons receive a research instrument to vote, and this show was a very, very popular choice."\nAnd although traditional musical theatre devices will be missing from the concert-like production, audience members will get to experience a wide variety of the best of Lloyd Webber's work. "The Music of Andrew Lloyd Webber" couples well-known productions such as "Evita," a storyline and role made famous onscreen by Madonna, with lesser-known works such as "Whistle Down the Wind," the story of a young girl's search for guidance in 1959 Louisiana.\nAudience members familiar or unfamiliar with Lloyd Webber's music will have the opportunity to enjoy a diverse selection of his work, and experience a production that focuses on the beauty of Lloyd Webber's finest music.\n"The Music of Andrew Lloyd Webber" plays at 8 p.m. tonight and Saturday at the IU Auditorium. Tickets are available at all Ticketmaster locations.
(10/20/00 4:41am)
A gift for you, a shining star, destined to be wherever you are. A guardian angel to light the way, giving you love throughout your day."\nOh ... how sweet!\n"Send this message to 55 people in the next 30 seconds, or your puppy will die."\nAugh!\nForwards. They started out innocently enough. A political joke here, a "personal survey" there ... fun ways to fill an empty inbox. \nWhen used with care and discretion, a forward can be a helpful thing. How many students have been saved from the embarrassment of having no new mail at a public e-mail station, with 30 irate Hoosiers standing in line, by the ever-present forward? Thank goodness ... you know it's only a list of "yo' mama" jokes sent to you by that kid you sat next to in high school physics, but no one else has to know that you're hogging a computer for no good reason. \nAnd remember the time when a forward finally got New Kids on the Block on Total Request Live? There's nothing I like better than watching Carson Daly squirm.\nIt's all fun and games until someone loses an eye ... usually because he or she gouged it out at the sight of yet another message such as "For every 28,000 people you forward this to, Acme Charity Group will donate .056 cents to fighting (insert disease-of-the-month here)."\n"Hi, my name is Billy Bob Little Kid. If you don't forward this to all your friends, I'm going to die a slow and horrible death. Just remember, what goes around comes around!"\n"This message is a test of the new Microsoft Office 2025. If you forward this to 86 other people, Bill Gates will personally hand you a check for $20."\n"A young man in Zimbabwe failed to forward this message. He was eaten by a pack of wild hedgehogs just weeks later. Don't take the risk! Send this message on!"\nJust stop! Fellow Hoosiers, I beg you to stop the madness, here and now. I'll even give you a weekend to get it out of your systems. But as of Monday, let's make IU a forward-free campus. Just think of how the world will be a better place once we stop getting forwards: No more building e-mail hopes up just to have them crashing down. No more guilty moments of hesitation ... "Will I really never find true love if I don't take this quiz and pass it on?"\nI know it will be hard, but I promise you: You will not fall down dead if you don't pass on a forward. Little Suzie Jane will not have to have her left pinky amputated because of your lack of concern. And trust me, you will not miss out on getting free money from AOL for every 10,000 e-mails you send. (I think I tried that one. Hey ... I might be brilliant, beautiful and witty, but I'm only human.)\nStarting Monday, I invite all of us to band together and be strong. When you hear that little happy e-mail "dink!" as a new message arrives, take a deep breath. If it is a real message, read it, delete it or send it away to it's appropriate folder. (I'm also an advocate of a clean inbox, but that's another column.) \nBut if, and God save us all from such a horrible temptation, it is a foul forward, do the right thing: Delete it on sight, and then Control-x-y it out of its misery!\nYour friends, family and classmates will thank you for it. And if not, at least I will. If you're having a hard time fighting the forward urge, just give me an e-mail at letters@indiana.edu. Together, darling reader, we will get you some help and once again make you a valuable member of e-society.\nHey ... it's me, Laura. I just wanted to let you guys know that I'll be kind of sporadic around here for three long, tortuous weeks. It's not that I don't love you, and I don't want you to feel abandoned or anything. But we need to make some room on the opinion page for political stuff, and being the lady that I am, I stepped down off my proverbial soap box for a little while. So while I'm not going to be consistent, I am going to be every bit as hard-hitting and intellectual as before. Think of it as a kind of "Where's Waldo" game. Only it's "Where's E-Wald-o." Wow, that was clever!
(10/12/00 4:12am)
If one walks into the IDS newsroom on any given weekday, one would see busy reporters, photographers, designers, advertising executives and editors hard at work. Telephones are constantly ringing, the police scanner is always on and the sound of keyboard clicking is loud and continuous. People are talking, sharing ideas, getting information and setting deadlines.\nOff to one corner sits a group slightly set apart from the copy-generating desks. They aren't as talkative and seem engrossed completely in the glare of their computer screens. Noses buried in stylebooks, phone books and sports rosters, these people are lost in their own little world. Outside of the newsroom, you'll often find them sitting in the front of an English or journalism class. These are the students who read the newspaper, not only to get information, but to gleefully catch even the smallest mistakes. I am one of them.\nWe're the ones who know that you can't host an event, but you can be host to an event. We know there is a difference between a Dumpster and trash receptacle.\nWe LIKE the "Word Power" section in Reader's Digest.\nYeah, we're the newsroom dorks. We're the copy editors.\nAs boring as we might sound, a lot of fun can be had with your friendly, neighborhood copy editor. If you like to play cruel jokes on innocent people, a copy editor can be your best friend. Reading or hearing a grammatical faux pas can send a copy editor into various states of physical pain, especially when repeated.\nI've seen copy editors wince at mistakes in the paper, sometimes even crying out in agony. Errors in today's paper mean we missed something during yesterday's shift, and one small mistake can make for hours of self-torture. The never-ending editorial instinct doesn't end in the newsroom or while reading the paper: It carries on into daily life.\nSigns in food courts, residence halls and classrooms are a virtual smorgasbord of writing mistakes.\n"Look, look! They said t-shirt. It's T-shirt, you moron!"\nAnd so we must stifle the urge to rush at the sign, the Red Pen of Editorial Justice ready to do its magic. Luckily, friends and family do their best to keep us from constantly revealing to the rest of the world what geeks we actually are.\nBut if you're looking for a good time, read on. I've come up with a few ways to torture copy editors and make them cry like babies. These grammatical games can be played at parties, basketball games, just before class and at various social events. \nDearest readers, please keep in mind that while these editorial torture tests will be fun to the prankster, they might result in physical harm and/or mental incapacitation to your copy editing friends around the world.\nTO, TOO AND TWO\nAugh! Just thinking about these three little worlds makes me antsy. They seem so basic, but they are misused so often, especially in casual e-mails. A good game is to send an e-mail to a copy editor with the following message:\n"To many people are coming to Cindy's birthday party."\nThen, wait a few hours. If your friend does not reply, go to his or her apartment. Nine times out of 10, he or she will be staring blankly at the screen, repeating "Too, too, too" in a barely intelligible monotone.\nALOT OF FUN\nMy high school English teacher had a creative way of illustrating my next point. She had two doors in her classroom; she would walk to one of the doors, stand just outside, and say, "A." Then, she would very slowly walk to the other door, pause, take a deep breath, and say, "Lot." She would then very calmly return to her desk and say, "A lot. A lot. A lot." For a good time with this error, just write "alot" on a blank piece of paper. Slip it to a copy editor during church, class or some other quiet time. Watch his or her face turn various shades of purple. While you're at it, poke him or her with a sharp stick.\nIRREGARDLESS OF OUR FAULTS, COPY EDITORS ARE NICE PEOPLE\nI want to hunt down the person who made up this nonexistent word and give them a piece of my red pen. "Irregardless" is not a valid word! It's just "regardless," as in "without regard." If you stick the "ir" on it, it means "without without regard." Augh!\nJust walk up to a copy editor and say, "Irregardless of the fact that you're a dork, we can still be friends." But for the love of God, please make sure a telephone is nearby as paramedics might need to be called.\nI could go on, but I only have this little rectangle to myself, folks. Just remember that while these games are fun for your average Joe, they might result in unspeakable pain for the few, the proud, the nerds, the copy editors.
(10/10/00 8:06pm)
Humor, dating advice and information about sexually transmitted diseases can all be found weekly in alumnus Harlan Cohen's syndicated advice column.\nFriday from 10 to 11:30 p.m. in Alumni Hall of the Indiana Memorial Union, Cohen shared his insight and comedy with more than 100 students. His visit was part of Union Board's Late Night at the IMU program, and senior Carrie Smith, Union Board lectures director, said she and other Union Board executives were excited to have Cohen start this year's lectures series with "College in the Nude."\n"We had (Cohen) here a couple of years ago, and he brought a lot of information on relationships and STDs that were really relevant to college students," Smith said.\nDespite the relationship advice and STD information Cohen presented in his program, many students said they came because Cohen's column is humorous, and because he is an IU "celebrity."\n"I read his column in the IDS, and I think he's funny, so I wanted to see what he had to say," said sophomore Leslie Duve.\nAlthough Cohen used jokes about the recent coach Knight controversy and self-deprecating humor to get in touch with the audience, his message was serious and direct: safe sex is key to a good relationship, and STDs affect millions of college students in the United States.\n"One of the biggest factors to the spread of STDs is self-consciousness," Cohen said. "A lot of times, people are too scared or shy to talk to their partners openly about their sexual history."\nCohen called on volunteers from the audience throughout the night to help deliver his message, including an STD game show and three dating scenarios. He passed out copies of his new book, "Campus Life Exposed: Advice from the Inside" and various forms of food items, including a head of lettuce and an apple, as prizes for his volunteers.\nIn addition to advice on safe sex and STDs, Cohen used excerpts from his book and letters from his column to discuss dating in college. Cohen claimed there are three successful dating rules: Being comfortable with oneself, being willing to accept endless rejection and being willing to speak to different kinds of people.\n"When you're offering yourself, your time, to someone, it's hard to get rejected 10 or 20 times," Cohen said. "But that's what you have to do. It's easy to stop at two or three rejections, but you have to keep going."\nCohen reminded the crowd that everyone has anxiety about dating, and said it helps to remember that "we're all just huge rejects."\nSophomore Joanne Isidro said she found the evening to be informative as well as entertaining.\n"I enjoyed Harlan's program very much. It was highly amusing, and I think it was also educational, even though I knew a lot coming into the show," Isidro said.\nCohen said he was pleased with the crowd size and the reaction to his program and that he hoped he made the audience think as well as laugh.\n"I want them to walk away with the idea that they should take advantage of all their opportunities in college … to discover their passion," Cohen said. "That's what college is all about."\nThough Cohen answers letters from across the country and visits many college campuses, he said Bloomington is his favorite place to speak.\n"IU's great … when I come here, it's always the best because people have read the column for so long," Cohen said. "I think students can really identify with me here … this is where it all started"
(10/10/00 8:05pm)
Saturday night's performance of Gilbert and Sullivan's "The Pirates of Penzance" used vocal artistry, colorful costumes and creative choreography to produce a show sparkling with wit. The full crowd at the Buskirk-Chumley Theatre, 114 E. Kirkwood Ave., laughed as they observed the melodramatic tale of true love, unfailing honor and a band of unlikely pirates. Though a few production flaws were evident, the musical was beautiful and enjoyable.\nAmong a talented and enthusiastic cast, graduate student Douglas Barley, who portrayed the infallible Frederic, shone with a strong voice and humorous facial expressions. At the beginning of the musical, Frederic has just completed his apprenticeship with the Pirates of Penzance, a bumbling band led by the Pirate King, portrayed by graduate student Robert Taylor. Frederic pledged to remain in their service until his 21st birthday. Though he renounces the profession and is anxious to leave the pirates, he is loyal to his friends and fulfills the tenure. Barley commanded the audience's attention whenever he stepped onstage and made an often implausible plot meaningful by winning the audience's sympathy.\nSoon after leaving the pirates to seek his fortune as an honorable man, Frederic encounters the 12 beautiful daughters of Major-General Stanley, who are celebrating being alone on the island for the first time. Frederic is fascinated by the women; they are the first he has seen besides his matronly friend Ruth, comically and powerfully portrayed by senior Claire Wilcher, in 21 years. He immediately falls in love with Mabel, played by Sarah Dionne, when she enchantingly sings "Poor Wandering One!" Though Dionne had an impressive range and was delightful to watch, it was nearly impossible to understand what she was saying. This problem of clarity was present during the entire show, and would have been aided by a hidden microphone.\nUpon seeing the beautiful maidens, the pirate band captures and wants to marry them against their wills. The women are helped by Frederic and their father, Major General Stanley, perfectly portrayed by Charles Macklin. Macklin stole the show with the popular "I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General." The song is fast-paced, but his articulation and gestures made the song one of the few understandable pieces in the show.\nThe second act found Frederic in agony, torn between his newfound love and honor and the pirate band, who have just informed him of terrible news: He was born in a leap year. Although he completed 21 years of service to the pirates as promised, he has not stayed until his 21st birthday, which was the exact wording of the contract. Bound by his honor, Frederic re-joins the pirate band, leaving Mabel behind. The pirates then seek to capture the sisters again, this time with Frederic's help. But the pirates are pitted against a bumbling police force, led by the Sergeant of Police, the hilarious Jean-Paul Etienne. Etienne, a senior, won the crowd with the aid of humorous choreography and strong vocals. \nEventually, the maidens agree to marry the pirate band, who turned out to be noblemen who had "done wrong." Major General Stanley gives his blessing to the unions, and all ends happily with a rousing finale. \nThe production, like the plot, had a few twists and turns with clarity problems, but was overall an entertaining and uplifting experience.
(10/05/00 4:06am)
South African playwright Athol Fugard's visit to campus ended Sept. 23, but his presence left a lasting impression on students and faculty alike. During his stay, he explored his work and his life with student audiences, sharing insight about the history of his homeland and the beauty of his craft.\nThe itinerary of his visit included an onstage conversation about his work and his life with English professor Albert Wertheim, a reading of his work "Cousins" at the University Theatre, workshops on playwriting and acting in the Willkie Quad Auditorium and a dinner and discussion at the Honors House. \nThe events focused not only on Fugard's impact on the apartheid movement in South Africa as a result of his work, but also on his love of the theater itself.\nJunior Molly Thomas, a theater and drama major, attended the reading of "Cousins" and the dinner at the Honors House. Thomas said Fugard's visit was thought-provoking and inspiring.\n"He was such an interesting person to listen to because of his voice and what he had to say," Thomas said. "He talked a lot about just the theater, (as well as) the apartheid and South Africa. He was passionate about it. He said if you want to do something, you can do it."\nThomas said while she and other students were fascinated by Fugard, the playwright was likewise interested in the students.\n"He seemed genuinely interested to meet people," Thomas said. "He sat around and ate pizza with us."\nFugard's work, which often tackles political hot topics such as racism and ignorance, does so by showing the impact of such forces on the human spirit.\nSophomore Marie Spencer, who attended the discussion at the University Theatre, said Fugard's presence was interesting from both a social and an artistic viewpoint.\n"His life itself is like a play," Spencer said. "He writes about such political topics in such a human way. He was a fascinating person."\nFreshman Elizabeth Smith said she attended the "Cousins" reading not knowing anything about Fugard. She said she walked away with insight into his works and the motivation behind them.\n"He had a very interesting way of relating his life and his work," Smith said. "I really didn't know anything about him, but I want to read some of his work."\nMany say Fugard's campus visit will remain in the minds of students and faculty, inspiring social consciousness and a passion for theater.
(10/05/00 4:06am)
Rejoice, ye mortal citizens of the earth, for God hath chosen once more to speak unto thee!\nBut fear not, humble humans. This time, the Almighty has opted to skip the burning bushes, flashes of light and rolling thunder of yore.\n Is He speaking through prophets? No! Writing on stone tablets? Of course not. \n These days, God chooses to communicate with His children via billboard. The Almighty apparently is also a fan of mouse pads, magnets, hooked rugs, welcome mats, screen savers and (gulp) bumper stickers.\nI guess God's PR team thought He needed to get with the times and adopt a new "millennium" image. That whole omniscient thing just wasn't cutting it anymore.\nAccordingly, God has jazzed up his delivery since Biblical times. This time around, God has developed a taste for sarcasm, veiled threats and tongue-in-cheek humor when dealing with His creation.\nHere I am, a lifelong Christian, passionate about my faith … can it be that I've been misguided about my God all along? Did I miss the God boat? I thought He was wise, compassionate, loving, peaceful and kind … and now He turns out to be annoyingly trite?\nI am sadly disappointed: Apparently, God has gone back on that whole "free will" thing. He's not into personal relationships anymore. Nowadays, he's into shoving His sarcastic message down our disenchanted throats.\nIt's a sad day for humanity when God is glib.\nEither God has changed a lot in the past five years or so, or someone else is using His name.\nMaybe I should have done some investigative reporting before writing this column. I could call up the ad agencies mass producing His "messages" and the billboard companies plastering His name all over town. Perhaps He did stroll into a bumper sticker company and order the mass-production of cute phrases such as "Don't make me come down there." \nAs if He's not down here already!\n"Your body is a temple … right? -- God"\n"See you Sunday. -- God."\nMaybe God really does take time out of His busy schedule to put up big signs stating "Is that your final answer?" Because I'm sure he watches "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" to break up the monotony of being an omnipotent being who created the universe and loves everyone.\nOr maybe I'm right, and God's new smart aleck ad campaign is really the work of humans. I'm not saying that spreading God's message is bad … I'm just saying perhaps it's not wise to put words into God's mouth.\nReally, is it fair to sign God's name to anything? If I plastered a billboard up in town that said "Hey, Coach Knight … come back! -- Myles Brand," I'm sure I'd get into all kinds of trouble. Just because you slap someone's name on a catch phrase doesn't mean it's true. We're talking legal issues here, people. I think it's high time God sued for libel.\nThere are many ways to communicate God's message of peace and salvation without stooping to zingy one-liners on bumper stickers. Perhaps friendship, fellowship and investing personal time are better ways to spread God's love. While some might think these God ad campaign messages are thought provoking or funny, others are turned off by sarcastic comments about one's spiritual life or lack thereof. I don't want anyone to turn away from God because they view him as domineering or threatening. As a Christian, I think such ads misrepresent my views: God does not pander to popular culture, at least in my experience. \nHe is sometimes subtle, sometimes unmistakable, but in every way effective without resorting to being glib and pushy.\nIf God has something to tell mankind, I'm sure He will find a way to do so.