The solution to all campus problems

Welcome back, darling readers. I trust all of your winter breaks were full of wonder and delight. But now that we gather back together for a new semester, it's high time we started thinking about the elections.\nNo, I'm not in a time warp. I don't mean Al vs. Dubbya again; I mean IU Student Association elections. And no, I'm not running for office, using my column as a political springboard. It's just that I think it is important to vote in any and all elections, including the one most students don't really know much about.\nWorking at the IDS means automatically learning about IUSA elections, whether you really want to or not. You at least become familiar with the names on the tickets and are reasonably well-versed in what they are trying to accomplish.\nBut for those of you not paid to research, report, photograph and edit this information, IUSA elections are a bit more tricky. Sure, you can read about it in the paper, but somehow the whole IUSA fever skips over the vast majority of the student body.\nAnd can you really blame the students who don't rock the vote in IUSA elections? Sure, the candidates mean well, but who can differentiate between the party that demands more staplers in the Main Library and the ticket that wants more parking spaces in the Indiana Memorial Union lot?\nIrrepressible defender of the vote that I am, I've come up with a few campaign platform suggestions to help IUSA candidates spice up the elections. Should a ticket propose any of the following in this year's race, I would surely support its cause:\nRotating campus\nMy friends and I came up with this idea during the Intensive Freshman Seminar after we got tired of walking around such a huge campus. Lightening struck when we asked ourselves: "Why should we walk to Ballantine Hall when it could come to us?"\nThe answer is simple: Rotating campus. Or, if you want to, go ahead and ask me for permission to use my phrase for such a rotating utopia: "Rotopia."\nJust put all of the residence halls and apartments in the center of campus, and put the class buildings, IMU, Main Library and other staples of student life on a moving ring outside of the living area. That way, students would wake up, walk outside and wait for their building to glide by. Brilliant!\nFix the bus proposal\nBecause frankly, we're sick of hearing about it. But if you use my Rotopia idea, we won't need campus buses anymore. Bloomington Transit could still run around town, but who would want to leave campus, anyway?\nEliminate the parking problem\nOK, I don't have a car, but I still know the parking on this campus is out of control. Oh, wait … that's because there is no parking on this campus. Not to dwell on the feasibility of my Rotopia plan, but this would also eliminate the need for parking on campus. We would just leave our cars in lots outside of the rotating ring, and go get them when we needed to travel.\nUnderground tunnels\nWhat is this cold, white substance on the ground? Oh, that's right, it's snow. And I'm surely not the only member of the student body who doesn't want to put up with this nonsense anymore. Underground tunnels would make the winter months bearable for Hoosier students, and would make our campus really awesome and the envy of other schools.\nContinue to read my columns\nNow that you potential candidates have mulled over these brilliant plans, be sure to keep an eye out for more. I'm sure my gentle readers will e-mail me a few suggestions of their own. I'll be the self-proclaimed liason between IUSA and the little people. That way, we will all see creative student proposals put into action.\nI have to go … I think Woodburn is about to rotate by.