In the wake of this summer’s Supreme Court ruling in Obergefell v. Hodges, it is understandable that our culture is more swept up in the raptures of marriage than ever before.
The commitment and stability of a marriage has long been heralded as the foundation of our society. In the presence of all of this positivity and celebration, it is easy to forget that marriage is not a mandatory milestone in every person’s life.
“Single shaming,” if you will, is so pervasive that it can be difficult to notice consciously. We are all surrounded by pressure to be in a relationship. During a long spell of singlehood, it is practically considerate for a friend group to encourage one of its members to get back out there and test the waters. While this can be a solid source of encouragement for some, others who might not feel compelled to be in a relationship only have their internalized insecurities fed.
I believe being single for either an extended period or for life can be a sign of wisdom and strength within a person. In a world that constantly tells us to seek out validation from others, these individuals have realized they know and respect themselves enough to follow the path that offers the best fit.
Without a committed relationship or marriage to build, these individuals can spend a greater amount of their time and energy finding tranquility within themselves and their personal relationship with the world around them. For some, this is a crucial time of self-discovery that must be tended to before a relationship is attempted. For others, it is a journey they feel compelled to devote their lives to.
According to the Pew Research Center’s Social and Demographic Trends, we are witnessing a huge cultural shift when it comes to our generation’s attitudes toward singlehood. Two-thirds of individuals between the ages of 18 and 29 believe society is just as well off if individuals have priorities other than marriage and children. By comparison, half of the total population shares this view.
This shift shows an increased awareness of how personal life’s journey should be. If an individual does not feel particularly compelled to marry or raise a family, they should not feel pressured to fit it into their life.
Marriage and committed love is, and always will be, a positive societal embrace of the human desire for closeness and companionship. However, we must remember this longing can be satisfied by a variety of lifestyles.
The next time you notice a friend has been single for a couple years, ask them how they feel about their life situation before attempting to play matchmaker.
sjdickma@indiana.edu
