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I’m having troubles getting wet sometimes during intercourse. It’s not that I don’t enjoy the sex or I don’t get horny. I always get turned on by my boyfriend, but I can’t get wet. What should I do?
Sexual arousal typically, but not always, results in more blood flowing to the genitals and thus in vaginal lubrication for people with vaginas and penile erection for people with penises. But that’s not always the case.
Vaginal lubrication — or wetness — can feel insufficient for a number of reasons. For one, many women today use hormonal contraception, such as the birth control pill, that has very low amounts of estrogen in it. Estrogen is linked to vaginal lubrication and these low amounts might be associated with even young healthy women lubricating less than they would like to.
Another common cause of low lubrication is many couples don’t spend too much time in foreplay before jumping into intercourse. Or the foreplay they do is kind of same old, same old routine and not exciting enough to really jump start either person’s arousal as much as it could be.
If you can, try to spend at least 10 or 15 minutes engaged in sex play that feels exciting to you and your partner. Pay attention to what really helps you feel excited and aroused. Is it closed-mouth kissing or kissing with tongue? Is it when you feel sweet and romantic together or when you feel really passionate for your partner? Some people like watching porn to enhance their arousal. Others are more turned on by watching romantic movies or reading poetry in bed to each other or playing with sex toys such as vibrators or massaging each other before sex. Sexual arousal is very individual and personal, so it’s up to you and your partner to fine-tune what feels the most delicious and exciting to you.
If you’re doing exciting things and still not producing the wetness you’d like, why not use a store-bought lubricant? Water-based lubricants can be used with condoms, sex toys and all different kinds of birth control. Simply apply a little lube to your vaginal entrance and to your boyfriend’s fingers or penis or a sex toy, depending on the kinds of sex play you’re having, and see if that helps. Our research shows that about one-third of women of all ages report difficulty with lubrication when they have sex, so you’re not alone. And fortunately there are several different things you can try to improve ?the situation.
To learn more about lubricant and spicing up your sex play, check out “Sex Made Easy: Your Awkward Questions Answered for Better, Smarter, Amazing Sex.”
Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., MPH is an associate professor at IU and a Research Fellow and sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute. She’s the author of six books about sex; her newest is “The Coregasm Workout.”
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