Seeking solidarity

The often unexpected obstacle for many women is other women.

Competition between women is a familiar trope. It’s the kind of ill-will that made Mean Girls quotes famous, but it’s also the reality of American women’s lives.

I won’t be writing for the IDS for a while, so I wanted to give readers a project until I return.

This project is called Finding Female Solidarity.

Dudes, you’re getting a free pass for now because I don’t know much about competition between men except for the fact that my brother likes to play League of Legends with his friends.

For women, though, competition, especially competition over mates, has been framed as an evolutionary inevitability.

The thing about evolution is, what is evolutionarily advantageous can change.

And I fail to see a convincing argument for continued female in-fighting and mean girl behavior.

Single women now have the means to support themselves — economically, legally, emotionally, sexually. For many women, basic survival is no longer contingent on the men in their lives.

But in a society that too often values women as things instead of people, the false logic of infighting persists.

Only by being a better object, a better accessory, can we be appreciated by a society that still doesn’t have a functional understanding of the female reproductive system.

This breeds not only the obvious psychological problems of low self-esteem and body image problems, but it also undermines women’s ability to form strong bonds with other women.

By competing with other women over looks, over status, over men, we are complicit in our own oppression.

Encouraging women to value the superficial, then, is a way to encourage the patriarchy. And we’re buying into it.

I buy into it.

It takes work to stop competing. Sometimes I catch myself judging other women for their booty shorts or their hair cut or their piercings.

Sometimes I catch myself wondering how someone who looks like that could ever have someone so wonderful, handsome and kind.

But I do catch it, and I try and unpack why I feel the way I do. Why do I care what someone else is wearing or who they’re dating?

There’s never a good reason. It’s always petty and destructive.

Recently a friend told me about someone she knows’ trip to the gas station.

A stranger approached her and touched her ass. She responded by pushing him away, and he slapped her in the face.

This girl was sexually harassed and physically assaulted, but those present did nothing for her but shrug their shoulders and suggest she wear less revealing clothing.
Imagine how alone she felt. Imagine how helpless she felt. Imagine how you would feel in that situation.

Most of us don’t have to imagine, because something similar has happened to us.

Now imagine if she had another woman there who would stand with her.

In the grand scheme of things, who’s wearing what or dating whom isn’t important.

Supporting other women in our common struggle for respect and equality is.

We have our assignment. Now let’s get to it.

­— casefarr@indiana.edu
Follow columnist Casey Farrington on Twitter @casefarr.