My complicated relationship with guns

My name is Dane McDonald. I’m a blue-bleeding liberal. I voted for President Obama in 2012, and I like to shoot guns.

It’s a recreation that’s caused me a great deal of inner turmoil.

I shot my first gun this past winter break in a shooting range with my stepfather and brother. I had recently gotten broken up with, plus it was the holiday season — which I find insufferable — so there was really no better time in my life to fire off a few deadly rounds into a target.

Going to the firing range had become a regular occurrence for my stepfather, who’s a gun owner, and my younger brother. While I had never really felt the desire to fire a weapon, I didn’t see the harm in tagging along and seeing what all the fuss was about.

Once at the range, after going through proper gun safety with both a professional and my stepfather, I fired my first gun. It was a Beretta U22 Neos, which truthfully felt like shooting a BB gun. It gave me no thrill. The second gun I fired was a Heckler & Koch USP .45.

I fired one shot, made eye contact with my stepfather, and proceeded to giggle helplessly like a preteen with a secret.

You may be reading this and thinking, “That was the moment he became a psychopath.”

I promise you two things.

One, I’ve been a psychopath for a really long time.

Two, I’m not insane because I giggled after shooting a gun. I’m insane because of the immense authority I felt after firing such a powerful weapon.

In that moment I also felt a solemn guilt plunge into the pit of my gut. I was firing this gun mere weeks after the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary. I held in my hand a weapon similar to one that had slain countless innocent young lives.

This past Father’s Day, my stepfather, brother and I made our way back to the shooting range. Again, guilt began to overcome me. I hadn’t necessarily wanted to go, but it was Father’s Day and I felt like I should spend time with the men of my family.
As we entered the range, I glanced around at the other people shooting. There were whole families with dads, moms, daughters and sons. There were individuals who might politely be described as rednecks.

It struck me — how am I supposed to have any confidence in these people with guns? I’m just not wired to be that trusting. But I also know and trust my stepfather, who keeps three guns in our home.

The gun control debate will continue to be a hot button issue in this country as long as people continue to own guns or desire to own guns.

While I may vote one way, I don’t necessarily align my allegiances with the left’s gun agenda. I don’t believe people should just be able to own guns easily, but to me it seems like trying to outlaw gun ownership would be like trying to outlaw abortion. It’s still going to happen, just without the proper governmental supervision and regulation.

But I can only speak from my experience. I’ve held and fired a gun that gave me the comfort of protection and the guarantee of power.

I, of sound mental state, can be trusted with such a weapon. I just know I don’t speak on behalf of all citizens who crave to get their hands on guns.

­— wdmcdona@indiana.edu