The Hillary you don’t know

While you and I were busy being thankful this last week, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was busy being awesome.

She accompanied President Barack Obama on the first trip by a U.S. president to Cambodia and Myanmar.

When violence between Israel and the Palestinians of the Gaza Strip erupted, it was clear that an American voice would be helpful the brokerage for peace.

Obama, president of looking presidential, sent Clinton, secretary of actually getting things done.

The woman isn’t human.

Clinton is an alien superhero.

Indeed, a Superman-style alien backstory certainly would go a long way toward explaining that hair. On planet Klynton, they don’t have our sense of fashion.

I love you, Clinton, but stop wearing your hair down. It makes you look like a gremlin caught in a rainstorm.

When she’s not flying around the world creating peace with her invisible jet and lasso of truth, she’s obsessed with an Earth show called “Love It or List It.” Apparently, on her home world, they don’t get HGTV.

In truth, she is the Batman to Obama’s Robin, the Superman to his Lois Lane.

If American politics were the movie “The Avengers,” Clinton would be Ironman. Obama would be that annoying guy with the bow and arrows who all the other superheroes put up with.

All this is to say that I think we’re not utilizing our only superhero in politics. It’s time we had one in the Oval Office.

By superhero, I don’t mean some tool in leather with gratuitous muscles and a quiver. I mean a bona fide alien specimen and gamma radiation superhero with a relevant back story.

For decades we’ve voted people into office based about some subliminal elitist criteria. Counting forward to 2016, we will have spent 35 years with at least one Yale University degree between the president and vice president.

I don’t have to tell you that the probability of that happening spontaneously is practically nonexistent.

We clearly have high standards about who is fit to rule. These are standards the average citizen doesn’t meet.

Who could be more qualified than someone with not only a Yale degree but superpowers to boot?

Not only is Clinton a highly qualified lawyer and diplomat, she can also see through walls, block bullets with her hand and circle the globe in seconds flat. Just think of the savings from security and jet fuel for Air Force One.

Plus, electing an alien would really piss off the birther movement. Bonus.

­— drlreed@indiana.edu