Broken hearts are common. So common, in fact, I recently discovered that “brokenhearted” is a real word, failing to illicit a red squiggly line when typed into Microsoft Word.
It’s important to remember that, in some way, nearly everyone has had his or her heart broken. It’s just a fact.
You probably feel more alone than you ever have before.
You’re thinking about the comfort of always having somebody to talk to, somebody to be with, somebody to let you know you’re wonderful when you’ve had a rough day.
You’re thinking that, no matter how many people relay to you that they know what you’re going through, no one could ever understand the pain you feel because the love you had was special, unique and incomparable.
Just stop. You have far more in common with the people reaching out to you than you realize. Loving and losing is part of the human experience, and despite all of the intricacies and details that made what you once had unique, at the core of the experience are all of the same emotions with their tortuous ups and downs.
Don’t dismiss the people who reach out to you. Whether their advice is solicited, what they have to say is important.
You have something in common. Let them reach you, and let them help you cope.
If you are the one that broke things off, remember that you made the choice and the responsibility of what happens ultimately falls on you. You made it for a reason. Acknowledge that, and move on.
If you are the one on the receiving end of the heartbreaking, don’t allow yourself to be racked with the guilt of the mistakes you’ve made and the things you could have done better.
Remember that you aren’t in control of everything that happens to you; other people have free will and can make their own decisions independently, and you can as well. Use that to your advantage to start making choices that will affect you positively.
That means don’t sit around in your room all day listening to sad music and sobbing your eyes out.
Those activities have their time and place and serve their purposes, but they can’t consume your life. That’s no way to live.
Work toward taking the bad things in your life and turning them into good things.
Maybe you’re finding that you don’t derive much enjoyment from food these days. Take the opportunity to overcome your addiction to cheap pizza and to fill your body with some fresh fruit instead. For once in your college life, treat your body with a little kindness. You’ll feel better and healthier physically and, more importantly, mentally.
Dive in to your responsibilities, and view them as opportunities. Instead of loathing classes, projects, tests and shifts at work, realize that each one is a chance to tackle a task and feel subsequently successful and strong.
And above all, spend time with the people who love you, whether it’s with family, friends or co-workers. There are plenty of other people in the world who see the same positive qualities in you that someone else once did.
Spending time with people will naturally elevate your mood and give you the reminders you desperately need that you are important and good for something.
Receive love and kindness, and try your best to spread it to those around you.
While inward reflection has its own time and place, expend the majority of your energy focusing outward. There’s a whole world out there waiting for you, and all you have to do is take the first step out into it.
As for the broken heart, it will heal on its own. Keep positivity at the center of your life, and, with time and a little luck, maybe you’ll forget it was ever fractured to begin with.
— kabeasle@indiana.edu
