God, your kid is ugly

WE SAY A line of safe-to-wear, conservative cosmetics could be the thing to prevent adolescent makeup catastrophes and teach young girls that less really is more.

Young girls today are growing up faster than ever before.

Scientifically, females are hitting puberty at earlier ages than in years past, and it’s been said that children of both sexes are becoming “sexualized” at increasingly younger ages.

Some view geoGirl, Walmart’s new line of all-natural intro-to-makeup products aimed at tweens, as the company’s sinister way to profit off these growing trends.

The products, named after texting acronyms like “GR8” (great) and “SWAK” (sealed with a kiss) are meant to appeal to young girls between the ages of 8 and 12.

Walmart has emphasized that products like geoGirl are nothing new, as they replace the now-defunct Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen cosmetics line.

The only difference between geoGirl and the tween makeup of generations past is the “eco-friendly,” chemical-free nature of the products.

However, that hasn’t stopped parent organizations from raising concerns.

Moms are up in arms over geoGirl’s launch, stating that “We need to keep little girls little girls” and throwing jabs at the brand.

One irritated matron on www.brandchannell.com quipped “What’s the philosophy — the sooner they start wearing makeup, the sooner they can get knocked up and come back to Walmart to buy cases of diapers and baby goods?”

Academics are joining in too. Renowned sexologist Dr. Logan Levkoff on geoGirl: “We are raising another generation of girls who kind of measure their self-worth based on what’s on the outside.”

The phenomenon of young girls experimenting with makeup is nothing new. One would be hard-pressed to find a female that can’t recall sneaking into her mother’s bedroom as a girl to try on glamorous lipstick and high heels, longingly flipping through the pages of Vogue and Elle and wishing to be grown-up and “beautiful.”

There comes a time in almost every girl’s life that she chooses to experiment with makeup, and when she does, it usually isn’t pretty. Blue and purple eye shadow sparkles. Body glitter. Hot pink blush.

A line of subtly hued, natural cosmetics, on the other hand, simply doesn’t seem to scream “budding prostitute” quite as much.

We say that a line of safe-to-wear, conservative cosmetics could be just the thing to prevent these adolescent makeup catastrophes and teach young girls that less really is more.

If it’s really the shortening childhoods and shrinking self-esteem of young girls that we’re worried about, we should be searching for and attacking the underlying causes of the issue rather than blaming a product or company for the shift of values and attitudes.

We’re living in a society that says women should strive for unattainable bodies, tan until their skin turns leathery (or orange), and wear skin-tight, low-cut clothing at least 90 percent of the time.

We’ll take the mineral blush and nude eyeshadow, please.