It's not too late

Summer is not what it used to be. College students are a little “out of their element” during the summer months, as we find ourselves separated from the school-year comforts of textbooks and keggers and whatnot. Because of this, many students find themselves confused and self-conscious when applying for summer jobs. \nWhy? Because some summer jobs are only OK when teenagers have them, and that’s all there is to it. Unfortunately, many low-stress summer jobs fall into this category, but it is important that college students looking for work during these months maintain some self-respect and avoid these jobs at all costs. \nBelow I have compiled a list of the top five jobs that are only suitable for high school students. If you or someone you know is currently working any of these jobs, I suggest you terminate your employment immediately and look for a more respectable gig, like bartending. \nThis list is structured in a countdown format, from “most” acceptable to least acceptable, so that if you find your job on this list you can at least have some fun with the whole “10, nine, eight” excitement. Get out your confetti. And your loud popper things. Here we go!\nNo. 5: employee at father’s office. Really? He’s paying you $10 an hour to photocopy the back of your hand repeatedly and organize paperclips? Chances are, if you are in any way employed at your father’s office for the summer, you are using it as a cop-out and just got too lazy to apply for real jobs. Independence is out there – but you’ll never find it inside the break room at Dad’s office. \nNo. 4: lifeguard. Sitting in the sun all day and eating frozen candy bars for lunch are mind-numbing activities that are unsuitable for today’s college elite. Obviously it isn’t cool to care about nutrition or stimulate your mind in high school – you aren’t in control of your own life. But if you are in college and still a lifeguard, it’s not OK. \nNo. 3: babysitter/“nanny.” Ladies, we are in college so that we don’t have to spend our futures taking care of children. Put down the baby, pick up some sort of real thing and back away from the scene. If there are any male babysitters out there, the same goes for you. Except multiplied by 1 million. \nNo. 2: Volunteer at the animal shelter. Yep, animals are cute get over it. Time to make some money.\nNo. 1: paper boy. Do these still exist? Is anyone actually reading this column in print right now? Is it ever acceptable to get up at dawn while on summer vacation? Or anytime at all, ever? No, obviously. The only time delivering papers is appropriate is when you misjudged how much that Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles video game was going to cost and need to pay back your mother. \nHopefully my words have inspired you to get out there and make something of yourself. And hopefully that something is more than $6 an hour.