There's a new G.W. in town

Iam predicting a comeback. This will be a doozy.\nNot M.J., not Whitney and especially not Britney -- even for a Flashdance remake.\nI'm looking deep in the crystal ball for this one, but I see it clear as coffee. Jorts baby! And lots of 'em.\n"How could you make such a boldfaced claim?" you ask. \nWell, boldface is my middle name, partner. I look around this campus on any given day and I see bounties of jeans. Everywhere there are jeans. On men, women, even little kids are wearing them. \nBut you know what else I see? Green. That's right, green grass, green plants, somebody even told me there is a green castle just a ways north. And what does all that green mean? Global mother-truckin' warming folks. \nOh, I said it. Global warming ranter number too-damn-many. I know the ol' global warming issue is the "in" apocalyptic prediction and there will be some animal-based, zombie virus coming from God knows where in a week or two, but what I don't understand is everybody out there saying this is a bad thing. So what about the polar bears? They eat two things: innocent baby seals and people. So what about the citrus farmers in California that lost their crops to freakish climate changes? Nobody gives two pennies about vitamin C anymore. It's B12 for me baby. \n2006 was the warmest year in the U.S. since 1895 and we only saw snow once in Bloomington. Even on that day, I saw a guy on campus wearing shorts. We're not exactly roughing it. And imagine the possibilities. B-town will have vacationers frequenting the sunny shores of Lake Monroe. Sol Spa will install a glass roof and charge college students $10 an hour to lay in a lawn chair. \nWe need to come to grips with the fact that we are the chosen generation. All of the benefits, none of the drawbacks. Reap not what you sow. We get a lifetime of sunny summer skies, our children handle all that scientific gobbledygook about greenhouse gases. Besides, children are so impressionable, we can just make a little bargain with them.\n"Alright little buddy, listen and listen good, cuz I'm gonna cut you a deal. You and your friends start thinking about how to block out the sun and utilize another energy source to keep the Earth alive, and in the meantime ... WATER PARKS!"\nThrow in some of those plastic-molded buckets that make sand castles and we're in business. Our generation soaks up the glory years, and let the little guys worry about "melting ice caps" and "another ice age." \nUntil then, something's going to have to happen to all these jeans. Nobody's going to want his or her shins covered when it's sunny and 65 degrees in December, but salvation is only a scissor snip away. From there it's just frayed denim and daiquiris all year long.\nSo take heed: The jort season approaches. A time when skating is done on wheels and snow only comes in a cone. I'll take cherry, please.