New year, same beer

A thousand pages to read, books to unwrap, hangovers to cure, laundry piles to dodge -- finals week was hell. Having found out one of my finals was comprehensive an hour before it started, I downed two large cups of wine (ah, the distinguished undergrad, drinking wine out of a Styrofoam cup) and swore to myself "next semester will be different." \nBy New Year's, I had expanded that mantra into an itemized list:\n1. Attend at least 75 percent of all classes. 2. Do all homework, no procrastinating. 3. Drink less. 4. Go out only once a week, twice max. 5. No more random hookups. \nSix classes, five nights out, three hookups and countless drinks later, I had managed to fail my list on every account. Forget any honors or awards. I can't remember how I ever managed to sit through a 75 minute class without passing out. In elementary school, teachers always had posters with messages like: "Your brain is a sponge, ready to soak up knowledge." Now that I'm in college I realize my brain is more like a tough ball of Jell-O. You can pour all the knowledge you want over it, but all you'll have is a tough, slimy ball of Jell-O. Luckily, I wasn't alone in my struggle to readjust. Things didn't seem all too different for the rest of campus. \nWondering where I, and the rest of IU got sidetracked, I traced the problem back to winter break. After a week of cramming and high stress, you're thrown into a circus of fun, family events. Who doesn't love being interrogated by relatives? "Why don't you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?" "How were your grades last semester?" and the ever popular, "So, what do plan on doing after you graduate?"\nThen add in curfews, jobs and spending weeks with people who go to bed before midnight -- all throughout the most sober month most of us have seen in a long time. \nNow factor in the 3,000 ladies who returned to campus a week early for the five day estrogen-fest also known as "women's recruitment" -- this means, come Monday, everyone's making up for lost time. Thousands of women have just been reintroduced to the male species after a week of being held captive by mind-numbing cheers, formal wear and a whole lot of hairspray. \nHalf the campus is running to the tanning beds to catch up with the other half who spent break in Barbados, Florida or some other destination where the only kind of "flurry" is an ice-cream concoction. And who can forget the sheer joy of seeing that first keg of Natty Light after spending a brutal month raiding your dad's scotch and vermouth-filled liquor cabinet?\nIt comes as no surprise during the first week of classes, class is the furthest thing from anyone's mind. This led me to realize it wasn't my first week back in Bloomington that was ridiculous, but those stupid New Year's resolutions. Author Steve Hofstetter has the right idea. "New Year's resolutions were cute when we were in fourth grade, but in college, we make them and break them every week. Why set ourselves up for failure? Last year my resolutions were to live in my fraternity house, buy Cliff's Notes for every book and go out any time my friends wanted to. And dammit, I feel like I'm a better person for accomplishing all three."\nYears of drinking and procrastinating, and I really expected things to change in a week? Why change? The only thing different about this semester is the year.