4:30 a.m.: BRAAAAAAAAANG

It's 5 a.m. Saturday morning and I'm standing outside Foster-Harper in my socked feet watching a fireman through the basement window as he looks for fire under a seat cushion.\nThis is too surreal. How did I end up here?\nOh yeah.\nMy roommate has his girlfriend over this weekend and for some odd reason, they don't want me and my little brother, who is visiting from home, in the room with them.\nI can't figure out why. Maybe they're playing a highly competitive game of Parcheesi and don't want to be bothered. Something like that.\nI guess I've just never been the most perceptive person.\nFor example, one time a friend was trying to get me to stop telling a particularly embarrassing story about him by running his index finger across his neck. Unfortunately, that reminded me of the time he got his finger stuck up his nose, so, of course, I had to tell that story as well. \nAnyway, my brother and I decided to go sleep in the dorm room of two of his friends. We all finally dozed off about 4:15 a.m.\n4:30 a.m.: BRAAAAAAAAANG\nI wake up and wonder why there is a horrible screeching sound emanating from the walls. About three seconds later, I realize what is happening.\nA troupe of angry alarm clocks is at the door after me for my persistent and annoying use of the snooze button. Another three seconds pass.\nOr it could be a fire alarm.\nI get up from my comfortable position on the hard concrete floor and struggle to keep my eyes open. Unbeknownst to me, however, there is a team of tiny sandmen tying little weights to my eyelashes determined not to let me have proper use of my vision. I eventually am able to swipe them away like Lilliputians, and ... I really need to learn how to stop going off on odd tangents.\nThe four of us march out of the room, but not before I forget to put shoes on and get my keys and wallet. We're on the ninth floor and since everyone knows that fires are intelligent beings and go after the elevators first, we have to take the stairs down to the bottom.\nWe finally get outside about 10 minutes later and I immediately miss my shoes more than I have ever missed anything in my entire life. Even more than home-cooked food, and that is definitely saying something there. I believe it says that cafeteria food is horrible, but I won't back up that statement for fear of finding a giant bug in my next sub sandwich.\n So here I am standing in the freezing cold watching this fireman look for fire in the strangest places, like under the couch and table.\nBut I shouldn't be telling him how to do his job. I wouldn't want a fireman to tell me how to do my job.\n Random Fireman: "You should write a column about a fireman who saves the day and is elected President of the World and owns a dalmatian farm, which turns into his secret base."\nMe: "I don't think so. Go look under a couch somewhere."\nThey finally let us back in around 5:30 a.m. after finding out that there was not a fire under any of the furniture in the building. Better safe than sorry I suppose.