Poor script sinks 'Windtalkers'

Slim Shady in prime form on 'Show'

'Celebrity Boxing 2:' There are no winners here

This past Wednesday, the good folks over at the Fox Network aired the second installment of their latest "enthralling" shock TV stunt, "Celebrity Boxing II."\nUnlike the first gamut of pseudo-celebrity bashing, which sucked mildly but still managed to eek out a few moments of hilarity, "Celebrity Boxing II" completely blew.\nThis program will become the TV equivalent to Darva Conger's marriage -- short, ugly and chock full of money-grubbing whores. \nSpeaking of Conger, she fought in the first bout of the night. Battling Conger was former Olympic gymnast and alleged shoplifter Olga "Olia" Korbut. Suffice it to say, the fight was crap. Korbut stands all of 5'0 feet and weighs a smidgen over 100 pounds, whereas Conger weighs in around 114 (LIAR!) and towers over the diminutive Korbut at 5'5. Conger smacked the crap out of Korbut in hopes of retaining her 15 minutes of fame. Honey, Kato Kaelin called and has but a single word for you -- subtlety. Yet after starring on Fox's "Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire," I'm sure the concept would seem foreign to you.\nThe second bout of the evening was no less of a joke. It pitted resident TV dorks "Welcome Back Kotter's" Ron "The Pulverizer" Palillo, aka Horshack, against Saved by the Bell's Dustin "Screech" Diamond in a clash of the geeks. Never mind that Diamond is 23 years Palillo's junior, stands five inches taller and weighs in excess of 50 pounds more than his opponent. The best aspect of this crappy bout happened before the fight even began when ring announcer and "Best Damn Sports Show Period" commentator Chris Rose listed one of Diamond's credits as a self-help video entitled "Dustin Diamond Teaches Chess." Now that's entertainment ladies and gentleman. What a dork! Another amusing aspect of this "brawl" was the fact that Palillo has recently taken to penning children's books, and yet he looked as though he was likely to shoot Diamond in the parking lot following the younger geek's victory. \nScreech should have fought Urkel, because as you, I and Carl Winslow all know, he would've given our white man afro-sporting buddy a beating that not even Mr. Belding and Ms. Bliss combined could heal. That and Urkel probably would've stolen his girl, i.e. Lisa, with his alter ego Stephan's smooth pimping skills following the trouncing. \nThe third match of the evening saw former Chicago Bears great William "The Refrigerator" Perry and malnourished, hella tall, former b-baller Manute "The Sudanese Freedom Fighter" Bol supposedly fighting. The two barely struck one another. Conger and Korbut could've kicked the crap out of these two the way they were fighting. Hand to God, only two shots were landed the entire fight, both from Bol's freakishly long, pencil thin arms. It seemed as though The Fridge was worried about over-exerting himself and having a heart attack (fair enough, he broke the scale during weigh-in), and Bol was frightened by the prospect of one of his limbs snapping in half. The match was so pathetic that the Judge Mills Lane knockoff of a referee had to tell the men to "fight or else they wouldn't be paid." Pathetic. Both of these dudes are losers despite Bol's victory.\nThe evening's main event was its high point. The match pitted Joey "The Gladiator" Buttafuoco against former WWE (yes kiddos, that's what they're calling the sham sporting league these days) lady wrestler Chyna, aka Joanie Laurer. Oddly enough, the Italian Stallion was originally supposed to brawl with penis-less wonder John Bobbitt. However, Bobbitt was removed from the bout after allegedly smacking his new bride around, and was ironically replaced with a woman -- leave it to the marketing geniuses at Fox.\nThe crowd booed and hissed as Buttafuoco thrashed Chyna across the ring. At one point during the fight Buttafuoco threw Chyna to the mat in hilarious fashion. Yes, I know men hitting women isn't cool, but the chick has more testosterone than me. Who won? Who cares?\n"Celebrity Boxing II" sucked in the worst way possible. It was derivative, uninspired and just plain boring. Fox has single-handedly managed to take the sensation out of sensationalistic television. Where is the Baldwin Brothers no-holds-barred cage match, the Webster versus Gary Coleman micro-brawl or even Creed's Scott Stapp laying his "God-like" smack down on Fred "Nookie" Durst? Personally I'd like to see Fox megalomaniac Rupert Murdock don gloves against Ted Turner. Come on Rupie, put your butt where your cash is. Wait, apparently you already have.

Moby's latest softly whales, again

Moby's latest softly whales, again

'Celebrity Boxing 2:' There are no winners here

This past Wednesday, the good folks over at the Fox Network aired the second installment of their latest "enthralling" shock TV stunt, "Celebrity Boxing II."\nUnlike the first gamut of pseudo-celebrity bashing, which sucked mildly but still managed to eek out a few moments of hilarity, "Celebrity Boxing II" completely blew.\nThis program will become the TV equivalent to Darva Conger's marriage -- short, ugly and chock full of money-grubbing whores. \nSpeaking of Conger, she fought in the first bout of the night. Battling Conger was former Olympic gymnast and alleged shoplifter Olga "Olia" Korbut. Suffice it to say, the fight was crap. Korbut stands all of 5'0 feet and weighs a smidgen over 100 pounds, whereas Conger weighs in around 114 (LIAR!) and towers over the diminutive Korbut at 5'5. Conger smacked the crap out of Korbut in hopes of retaining her 15 minutes of fame. Honey, Kato Kaelin called and has but a single word for you -- subtlety. Yet after starring on Fox's "Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire," I'm sure the concept would seem foreign to you.\nThe second bout of the evening was no less of a joke. It pitted resident TV dorks "Welcome Back Kotter's" Ron "The Pulverizer" Palillo, aka Horshack, against Saved by the Bell's Dustin "Screech" Diamond in a clash of the geeks. Never mind that Diamond is 23 years Palillo's junior, stands five inches taller and weighs in excess of 50 pounds more than his opponent. The best aspect of this crappy bout happened before the fight even began when ring announcer and "Best Damn Sports Show Period" commentator Chris Rose listed one of Diamond's credits as a self-help video entitled "Dustin Diamond Teaches Chess." Now that's entertainment ladies and gentleman. What a dork! Another amusing aspect of this "brawl" was the fact that Palillo has recently taken to penning children's books, and yet he looked as though he was likely to shoot Diamond in the parking lot following the younger geek's victory. \nScreech should have fought Urkel, because as you, I and Carl Winslow all know, he would've given our white man afro-sporting buddy a beating that not even Mr. Belding and Ms. Bliss combined could heal. That and Urkel probably would've stolen his girl, i.e. Lisa, with his alter ego Stephan's smooth pimping skills following the trouncing. \nThe third match of the evening saw former Chicago Bears great William "The Refrigerator" Perry and malnourished, hella tall, former b-baller Manute "The Sudanese Freedom Fighter" Bol supposedly fighting. The two barely struck one another. Conger and Korbut could've kicked the crap out of these two the way they were fighting. Hand to God, only two shots were landed the entire fight, both from Bol's freakishly long, pencil thin arms. It seemed as though The Fridge was worried about over-exerting himself and having a heart attack (fair enough, he broke the scale during weigh-in), and Bol was frightened by the prospect of one of his limbs snapping in half. The match was so pathetic that the Judge Mills Lane knockoff of a referee had to tell the men to "fight or else they wouldn't be paid." Pathetic. Both of these dudes are losers despite Bol's victory.\nThe evening's main event was its high point. The match pitted Joey "The Gladiator" Buttafuoco against former WWE (yes kiddos, that's what they're calling the sham sporting league these days) lady wrestler Chyna, aka Joanie Laurer. Oddly enough, the Italian Stallion was originally supposed to brawl with penis-less wonder John Bobbitt. However, Bobbitt was removed from the bout after allegedly smacking his new bride around, and was ironically replaced with a woman -- leave it to the marketing geniuses at Fox.\nThe crowd booed and hissed as Buttafuoco thrashed Chyna across the ring. At one point during the fight Buttafuoco threw Chyna to the mat in hilarious fashion. Yes, I know men hitting women isn't cool, but the chick has more testosterone than me. Who won? Who cares?\n"Celebrity Boxing II" sucked in the worst way possible. It was derivative, uninspired and just plain boring. Fox has single-handedly managed to take the sensation out of sensationalistic television. Where is the Baldwin Brothers no-holds-barred cage match, the Webster versus Gary Coleman micro-brawl or even Creed's Scott Stapp laying his "God-like" smack down on Fred "Nookie" Durst? Personally I'd like to see Fox megalomaniac Rupert Murdock don gloves against Ted Turner. Come on Rupie, put your butt where your cash is. Wait, apparently you already have.

Settling the 'Star Wars' arguements

Discussions among "Star Wars" geeks relating to which one of Lucas's masterworks is their favorite can often become heated, and will occasionally inspire acts of violence that even Jabba the Hutt would admire. I've bypassed all this b.s. and used my "clout" at WEEKEND to fill you guys in on my preferences. What follows isn't opinion; it's fact. Strong with me the Force is.\n1. "The Empire Strikes Back" -- (Episode V), 1980 -- Far and away the best flick of the series, "Empire" goes to places that the other flicks can't muster the stones to. Luke Skywalker gets his hand chopped off. Incestuous overtones between Luke and Leia inundate the flick. The pimptastic Han Solo gets frozen in carbonite. Colt 45 spokesman Billy Dee Williams oozes his way into the series, and any and all of the sequences upon Hoth kick ass. Lucas had little to do with the flick (aside from producing and receiving story credit). Perhaps this is a good thing?\n2. "A New Hope" -- (Episode IV), 1977 -- The first visionary entry into the series was pretty tight. Alec Guiness was a straight-up pimp in the role of Obi-Wan Kenobi Carrie Fisher wore rye dinner rolls like nobody's business, and Harrison Ford was at his smarmy best in the role of Han -- the sole money grubber of the series. Plus, you gotta love the Cantina sequence where Han originally shot first. \n3. "Attack of the Clones" -- (Episode II), 2002 -- A much better flick than expected in wake of "The Phantom Menace." Hayden Christensen plays Anakin Skywalker the way he should be played -- minus the "yippee's" of Jake Lloyd (the child actor who played "Ani" in "Menace") and with just the right amount of subtle, building rage. Samuel L. Jackson continues to solidify his badass status in the role of Mace Windu. Ewan McGregor loosens up his second time around plucking the figurative stick from his ass and eliciting echoes of Guiness's charisma, and Natalie Portman is a midrift revealing vision in the role of Padmé Amidala. Last but certainly not least, the chase sequence at the beginning of the film, the Obi-Wan/Jango Fett fight in the middle of the film and the climactic battle at the end of the film all rock.\n4. "Return of the Jedi" -- (Episode VI), 1983 -- Everybody's always hating on those damned Ewoks, but actually they're pretty cool. Other highlights from "Jedi" include Princess Leia's metal bikini (a vision that excited me before I even realized I liked girls), the battle upon Hutt's slave ship and the speeder chase through the woods of Endor. Also, Luke's finally derided his pseudo-pussy status from past flicks by becoming the coolest man in black since Johnny Cash.\n5. Title yet to be announced -- (Episode III), 2005 -- Yeah, cameras haven't even begun rolling on Lucas's next installment, but it's gotta be better than that piece of bantha fodder otherwise known as "The Phantom Menace."\n6. "The Phantom Menace" -- (Episode I), 1999 -- One name screwed this flick up more than anything else: Jar Jar Binks. Otherwise, "Menace" ain't too bad. The pod race was pretty sweet as was the climactic lightsaber battle which pitted Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon Jinn (Liam Neeson) against uber-badass Darth Maul (martial arts extrodinaire Ray Park). "Menace" is incessantly harped-on, and somewhat unfairly, but it's still the weakest of the series i.e. "Godfather III" style.

Settling the 'Star Wars' arguements

Discussions among "Star Wars" geeks relating to which one of Lucas's masterworks is their favorite can often become heated, and will occasionally inspire acts of violence that even Jabba the Hutt would admire. I've bypassed all this b.s. and used my "clout" at WEEKEND to fill you guys in on my preferences. What follows isn't opinion; it's fact. Strong with me the Force is.\n1. "The Empire Strikes Back" -- (Episode V), 1980 -- Far and away the best flick of the series, "Empire" goes to places that the other flicks can't muster the stones to. Luke Skywalker gets his hand chopped off. Incestuous overtones between Luke and Leia inundate the flick. The pimptastic Han Solo gets frozen in carbonite. Colt 45 spokesman Billy Dee Williams oozes his way into the series, and any and all of the sequences upon Hoth kick ass. Lucas had little to do with the flick (aside from producing and receiving story credit). Perhaps this is a good thing?\n2. "A New Hope" -- (Episode IV), 1977 -- The first visionary entry into the series was pretty tight. Alec Guiness was a straight-up pimp in the role of Obi-Wan Kenobi Carrie Fisher wore rye dinner rolls like nobody's business, and Harrison Ford was at his smarmy best in the role of Han -- the sole money grubber of the series. Plus, you gotta love the Cantina sequence where Han originally shot first. \n3. "Attack of the Clones" -- (Episode II), 2002 -- A much better flick than expected in wake of "The Phantom Menace." Hayden Christensen plays Anakin Skywalker the way he should be played -- minus the "yippee's" of Jake Lloyd (the child actor who played "Ani" in "Menace") and with just the right amount of subtle, building rage. Samuel L. Jackson continues to solidify his badass status in the role of Mace Windu. Ewan McGregor loosens up his second time around plucking the figurative stick from his ass and eliciting echoes of Guiness's charisma, and Natalie Portman is a midrift revealing vision in the role of Padmé Amidala. Last but certainly not least, the chase sequence at the beginning of the film, the Obi-Wan/Jango Fett fight in the middle of the film and the climactic battle at the end of the film all rock.\n4. "Return of the Jedi" -- (Episode VI), 1983 -- Everybody's always hating on those damned Ewoks, but actually they're pretty cool. Other highlights from "Jedi" include Princess Leia's metal bikini (a vision that excited me before I even realized I liked girls), the battle upon Hutt's slave ship and the speeder chase through the woods of Endor. Also, Luke's finally derided his pseudo-pussy status from past flicks by becoming the coolest man in black since Johnny Cash.\n5. Title yet to be announced -- (Episode III), 2005 -- Yeah, cameras haven't even begun rolling on Lucas's next installment, but it's gotta be better than that piece of bantha fodder otherwise known as "The Phantom Menace."\n6. "The Phantom Menace" -- (Episode I), 1999 -- One name screwed this flick up more than anything else: Jar Jar Binks. Otherwise, "Menace" ain't too bad. The pod race was pretty sweet as was the climactic lightsaber battle which pitted Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon Jinn (Liam Neeson) against uber-badass Darth Maul (martial arts extrodinaire Ray Park). "Menace" is incessantly harped-on, and somewhat unfairly, but it's still the weakest of the series i.e. "Godfather III" style.

Strokin' the 'D' at the Jamboree

Weezer's 'Maladroit' anything but

'Evil' takes up residence on Gamecube

Resident Evil\nRated: M for Mature\nBy: Capcom\nFor: Gamecube\nMuch like the original "Resident Evil," which appeared exclusively on the Sony Playstation in 1996, the brand spanking new remake that appears solely on Nintendo Gamecube gives gamers reason enough to pick up the console.\n"Resident Evil" shares many similarities with its predecessor, however, there have also been many alterations made to the game. Levels, although similar, have been revamped. The foreboding mansion in which much of the game's action takes place has additional rooms while others have been removed. Many of the monsters that appeared in the past are here, although they have either been tweaked or placed in different locales. Also, there are plenty of new and freakishly disturbing foes integrated into the game to freshen the festivities for "Resident Evil" vets.\nGamers can play as either Chris Redfield or Jill Valentine, members of the elite Alpha team who are sent into the outskirts of Raccoon City. This is in hopes of rescuing members of the Special Tactics and Rescue Service (S.T.A.R.S.) who were previously sent into the Arclay Mountains to investigate several missing persons cases. Upon arrival, Redfield, Valentine and fellow team members are chased by a pack of rabid zombie dogs into the aforementioned mansion where their only goal is survival. Games fluctuate depending upon which character you choose; each character has separate weapons, objectives, plot developments and attacks. Either way gamers will be treated to one hell of a challenge as well as a good time.\n"Resident Evil" has the best graphics seen on Gamecube yet, and possibly any other console for that matter. The detail seen in heroes and villains alike must be seen to be believed. Awe inspiring lighting effects will also astound even the most seasoned of gamers. The graphics alone merit purchase.\nDespite having flawless graphics, "Resident Evil" is far from perfect. The controls are hard to pick up at first and remain sensitive throughout. Many deaths occur simply because of less than stellar controls. Also, the configuration of buttons on the Gamecube controller doesn't always make sense. This could have been remedied through a custom configuration, but unfortunately Capcom didn't include such an option in the game.\nDespite its drawbacks "Resident Evil" is an entertaining and oftentimes frightening game that's well worth including in any avid gamer's collection. \n

La pelicula es muy bueno

Y Tu Mamá También - NR\nStarring: Maribel Verdú, Gael García Bernal\nDirected by: Alfonso Cuarón\nShowing: Showplace East 11\nThis Mexican gem, which in English translates to "And Your Mother Too," is an all-too realistic account of the sexual goings-on of two immensely different friends.\n"Y Tu Mamá También" concerns two Mexican teenagers by the names of Tenoch (Diego Luna) and Julio (Gael García Bernal), one from a rich family rife with political influence, the other the child of a lower-middle class single mother. Both are preoccupied with sex in wake of their girlfriends, Ana and Cecilia, departing for a summer vacation in Italy.\nSummer begins inauspiciously for these foppish lads. The two spend their days smoking copious amounts of weed and masturbating atop diving boards at a closed-off country club's swimming pool. That is until they meet Luisa (Maribel Verdú), the wife of Tenoch's cousin, at another relative's wedding. The two lure this mysterious older woman into a pilgrimage of sorts -- their destination: a fictitious beach the two have dubbed "Heaven's Mouth." Their intent: nothing short of getting laid. \nDue to her diminishing state of marital bliss, Luisa reluctantly accepts the boys' offer and proceeds to hit the road. What follows is a road movie in lieu of cult literary classics "The Catcher and the Rye" and "On the Road" mingled with soft-core porn. The result: a brilliant coming of age film albeit a slightly smutty one.\n"Y Tu Mamá También" is the work of immensely talented Mexican director Alfonso Cuarón and his brother, co-screenwriter Carlos. Those who accuse Cuarón's latest work of being nothing more than a Mexican knock-off of teen sex romps in the vein of "American Pie" apparently didn't see the same film I did. Beneath this tale of raging hormones and overzealous sexual inadequacy lies an inner sadness. Cuarón uses the time tested coming of age narrative to discuss the fragility of life and the conclusiveness of death, as well as various sociological issues plaguing Mexico.\n"Y Tu Mamá También" is a far cry from Cuarón's earlier and far more sanitized American works "A Little Princess" and "Great Expectations." However, the promise shown in those films is finally realized with his latest work. "Y Tu Mamá También" is a stunning piece of work; bold and vivacious in ways few films have the guts to be.\n

'Super'stars

In wake of "Spider-Man's" record breaking opening weekend ($114 million and counting), Hollywood is webbing-up the rights to various comic titles in hopes of churning mass box office returns akin to America's beloved webhead.\nNot only is Hollywood banking on these expensive comic book adaptations to rescue languishing theater chains (many of which are going bankrupt), but so are the dominant forces within the realm of comics -- Marvel and DC. Comic sales which were increasingly high in the '80s have been on a downward spiral ever since.\n"They (comic books) are not in all the outlets they used to be. The kid would have to specifically seek out the comic book store in a lot of places to find a comic book. They're not at the drug store and they're not at the grocery store," says Matt Traugher, Assistant Manager at Vintage Phoenix, one of Bloomington's two comic book stores (PC Guru being the other).\nWhen asked whether films such as "Spider-Man" would have a profound effect on comic sales Don Wilds (Manager/ Co-owner of Vintage Phoenix) was skeptical.\n"We're hoping it will help sales a little bit, but I certainly wouldn't count on it being a lot," Wilds says. "I know when "Batman" came out a lot of people said "Oh, that's probably helping "Batman" sales," but actually "Batman" sales had gone up before, and I guess that's one of the reasons they made the movie -- it's more the fault of (Frank Miller's) "Dark Knight" than anything else."\nMore often than not, Traugher feels as though these lucrative comic-themed films bring back returning readers, not the uninitiated.\n"In my experience, the people who come in after seeing it (a film) and get into it are returning readers -- especially with the "X-Men" movie," Traugher says. "They come back and they say 'I used to read them,' very seldomly do we get new readers."\nBoth Traugher and Wilds feel that another recent trend in which filmmakers or prominent television writers transition into the world of comics has a bigger effect on comic sales as opposed to big-budgeted comic book adaptations. Indie filmmaker Kevin Smith has written for "Daredevil" and "Green Arrow" in the past, and has recently inked a deal with Marvel to pen future issues of "Amazing Spider-Man." He also has a "Spider-Man/Black Cat" mini-series dropping June 26. "Babylon 5" creator J. Michael Straczynski has also been writing issues of "Amazing Spider-Man" as of late.\n"That seems often to have as big, or maybe a bigger impact, than one of these of these movie translations. When Kevin Smith writes something it pops up higher than when there's a popular movie based on a book," Traugher says.\nWilds believes good writing affects comic book sales better than the box office. \n"Basically, if a comic company, as Marvel has found out recently, hires good writers and people they know are good writers, they'll test out their stuff," Wilds says. "Amazing Spider-Man" has more than doubled its sales since before Straczynski took over. That has a much bigger impact than a movie."\nThis boom in comic book to silver screen translations may have been spurred by a new and exciting generation of filmmakers. Stephen Norrington, director of "Blade" (a lesser known Marvel title) and the upcoming adaptation of acclaimed graphic novelist Alan Moore's "The League of Extraordinary Gentleman," had this to say about the trend in the May 10 issue of Entertainment Weekly. \n"The vibe feels much the same as when George Lucas and Steven Spielberg took black-and-white adventure serials and turned them into "Star Wars" and "Indiana Jones." Now people take comics and turn them into big, A-class pictures like "X-Men" or "Hulk." All these people in the business are saying, 'Hey, we're in our 30s, and we're not stupid -- and this is great stuff. Why not make some movies?'"\nNorrington couldn't be more on the mark, and it seems as though Traugher seconds his sentiments.\n"The key to the comic book movies doing better and being better received is that the people making them now have a certain affinity for the source material," Traugher says. "Older adaptations were done strictly as a money-maker. They (the studios) put somebody in charge of it who may have no interest in the character, and some of them were still done well because they were professionals. But there was no particular love. \n"I know Sam Raimi (director of "Spider-Man") is a huge "Spider-Man" fan and that the "Hellboy" director ("Blade II" veteran Guillermo Del Toro) is a huge "Hellboy" fan. So, these movies are being made without sneering at the source material."\nVarious Marvel comic-to-film franchises are in the works. "Spider-Man II" has already been greenlit and is currently slated for May 7, 2004. "X2" -- a sequel to 2000's $157 million-grossing "X-Men" is set to release on May 2, 2003 (the same weekend "Spider-Man" just did this year). "Hulk," a $120 million adaptation of everyone's favorite mean, green fighting machine is being shepherded to the screen via "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" mastermind Ang Lee. "Daredevil" starring Ben Affleck as Matt Murdock, blind lawyer become crime fighter, swings into theaters January 17, 2003, and an upcoming "Punisher" flick is currently prepping for production (this despite a crappy 1989 Dolph Lundgren vehicle). And DC is striking back with a "Superman" flick to be directed by McG (director of "Charlie's Angels") and scripted by "Alias" creator J.J. Abrams, as well as an adaptation of Frank Miller's "Batman: Year One," which will be directed by Darren Aronofsky ("Requiem for a Dream") and co-written by Miller and Aronofsky. \nWith all these films currently in or preparing for production it seems as though superheroes won't be departing Megaplexes anytime soon, and could possibly save Hollywood from potential financial ruin.

La pelicula es muy bueno

Y Tu Mamá También - NR\nStarring: Maribel Verdú, Gael García Bernal\nDirected by: Alfonso Cuarón\nShowing: Showplace East 11\nThis Mexican gem, which in English translates to "And Your Mother Too," is an all-too realistic account of the sexual goings-on of two immensely different friends.\n"Y Tu Mamá También" concerns two Mexican teenagers by the names of Tenoch (Diego Luna) and Julio (Gael García Bernal), one from a rich family rife with political influence, the other the child of a lower-middle class single mother. Both are preoccupied with sex in wake of their girlfriends, Ana and Cecilia, departing for a summer vacation in Italy.\nSummer begins inauspiciously for these foppish lads. The two spend their days smoking copious amounts of weed and masturbating atop diving boards at a closed-off country club's swimming pool. That is until they meet Luisa (Maribel Verdú), the wife of Tenoch's cousin, at another relative's wedding. The two lure this mysterious older woman into a pilgrimage of sorts -- their destination: a fictitious beach the two have dubbed "Heaven's Mouth." Their intent: nothing short of getting laid. \nDue to her diminishing state of marital bliss, Luisa reluctantly accepts the boys' offer and proceeds to hit the road. What follows is a road movie in lieu of cult literary classics "The Catcher and the Rye" and "On the Road" mingled with soft-core porn. The result: a brilliant coming of age film albeit a slightly smutty one.\n"Y Tu Mamá También" is the work of immensely talented Mexican director Alfonso Cuarón and his brother, co-screenwriter Carlos. Those who accuse Cuarón's latest work of being nothing more than a Mexican knock-off of teen sex romps in the vein of "American Pie" apparently didn't see the same film I did. Beneath this tale of raging hormones and overzealous sexual inadequacy lies an inner sadness. Cuarón uses the time tested coming of age narrative to discuss the fragility of life and the conclusiveness of death, as well as various sociological issues plaguing Mexico.\n"Y Tu Mamá También" is a far cry from Cuarón's earlier and far more sanitized American works "A Little Princess" and "Great Expectations." However, the promise shown in those films is finally realized with his latest work. "Y Tu Mamá También" is a stunning piece of work; bold and vivacious in ways few films have the guts to be.\n

Sci-fi for those without taste

Jason X - R\nStarring: Kane Hodder, Lexa Doig, Peter Mensah\nDirected by: James Isaac\nShowing: Showplace East 11\nThere are few things that can save a movie like "Jason X" from its inevitable and much-deserved banishment to the third ring of video hell. In fact, I wish the flick's "beloved" anti-hero Jason Voorhees (Kane Hodder) would high-tail it back to the cursed nether regions to which he was doomed in the last installment of the insipid "Friday the 13th" series -- "Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday."\nLiquor and smart-alecky chicanery are about the only things that will enhance an unfortunate viewers' pleasure while watching this dreck. Every time one of the film's moronic characters has sex…or in the case of "Jason X," engages in some sort of weird nipple fetish, take a shot. Or later when another dumbass stumbles into a darkly lit room uttering the name of someone that they, you and I know is dead, drink a beer. And yes, when Jason finally gets around to dismembering air-headed co-eds, do both. You might get drunk, and in all likelihood you'll get sick, but that's far better than observing this dung heap. \nI only wish that while watching this monstrosity I had been accompanied by "Mystery Science Theater 3000" staples Mike Nelson, Tom Servo and Crow -- or better yet left in a theater by myself to mock and ridicule the film openly, loudly and honestly without fear of disturbing my fellow theater patrons. Who am I kidding, they wouldn't have cared, and if they did care, they'd be idiots. "Jason X" sucks like few movies have sucked before!\nOh yeah, I've forgotten to address the plot in all my cheerful nay saying. The movie begins in 2010 when preparations are being made by a nubile young scientist named Rowan (Lexa Doig) to cryogenically freeze unstoppable killing machine Jason Voorhees. Suffice it to say, things don't exactly go as planned and Rowan is stabbed and eventually frozen alongside everyone's favorite hockey-masked maniac for her troubles. Flash forward to 2455 when a spaceship from -- get this -- Earth II, ascends upon Camp Crystal Lake Research Facility, retrieves the two Popsicle-esque bodies, de-thaws them and do I really need to tell you where the film is going to proceed from here? I think not.\n"Jason X" may be the crappiest horror flick ever transplanted into space, and yes, ladies and gentlemen, sadly enough, I've seen "Leprechaun 4: In Space." The special effects are bad enough to make the "technical wizards" behind "Mighty Morphin Power Rangers" blush, the script seems like it was assembled by a team of apes and the direction calls out for the name of Alan Smithee. I'll put a hex on "Jason X." \n

'Evil' takes up residence on Gamecube

Resident Evil\nRated: M for Mature\nBy: Capcom\nFor: Gamecube\nMuch like the original "Resident Evil," which appeared exclusively on the Sony Playstation in 1996, the brand spanking new remake that appears solely on Nintendo Gamecube gives gamers reason enough to pick up the console.\n"Resident Evil" shares many similarities with its predecessor, however, there have also been many alterations made to the game. Levels, although similar, have been revamped. The foreboding mansion in which much of the game's action takes place has additional rooms while others have been removed. Many of the monsters that appeared in the past are here, although they have either been tweaked or placed in different locales. Also, there are plenty of new and freakishly disturbing foes integrated into the game to freshen the festivities for "Resident Evil" vets.\nGamers can play as either Chris Redfield or Jill Valentine, members of the elite Alpha team who are sent into the outskirts of Raccoon City. This is in hopes of rescuing members of the Special Tactics and Rescue Service (S.T.A.R.S.) who were previously sent into the Arclay Mountains to investigate several missing persons cases. Upon arrival, Redfield, Valentine and fellow team members are chased by a pack of rabid zombie dogs into the aforementioned mansion where their only goal is survival. Games fluctuate depending upon which character you choose; each character has separate weapons, objectives, plot developments and attacks. Either way gamers will be treated to one hell of a challenge as well as a good time.\n"Resident Evil" has the best graphics seen on Gamecube yet, and possibly any other console for that matter. The detail seen in heroes and villains alike must be seen to be believed. Awe inspiring lighting effects will also astound even the most seasoned of gamers. The graphics alone merit purchase.\nDespite having flawless graphics, "Resident Evil" is far from perfect. The controls are hard to pick up at first and remain sensitive throughout. Many deaths occur simply because of less than stellar controls. Also, the configuration of buttons on the Gamecube controller doesn't always make sense. This could have been remedied through a custom configuration, but unfortunately Capcom didn't include such an option in the game.\nDespite its drawbacks "Resident Evil" is an entertaining and oftentimes frightening game that's well worth including in any avid gamer's collection. \n

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