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(12/03/08 8:55pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>Sasha Fierce, Tonya Ferocious, Suzie Sunshine.Beyonce can call herself whatever she damn pleases if it results in her churning out delectable pop and R&B. For her third solo album, Beyonce has released the two disc I Am ... Sasha Fierce. Disc one is a compilation of personal songs from the singer, while she embodies her diva stage-alter-ego Sasha Fierce on the second.Both open with their current first singles and best tracks. I Am ... starts with the heart-wrenching “If I Were a Boy,” not merely a song about gender differences, but an emotional ride applicable to any human suffering in a doomed relationship. Meanwhile, Sasha Fierce’s “Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It)” is a pounding club anthem, even though merely listening to it on the album can’t compare to watching its music video’s insanely impressive choreography.Disc one’s highlights include a simple but stirring rendition of the classical piece “Ave Maria,” which flows nicely into “Smash Into You” and “Satellites,” where she purrs so coyly you’ll want to curl up on a couch near a fire and melt.For her part, Sasha brings it, but not quite as well as she does on the hip-swinging, fist-pumping tracks on Beyonce’s previous album B’Day. On the fun “Radio,” she praises DJs for constantly supplying music, while on “Diva” she alerts us that this said term is “the female version of a hustler.” Expect it to be the background song to many a finger-wagging female’s MySpace page for many months to come. Beyonce goes old school on “Hello,” bringing back one of 1996’s favorite catchphrases to let her lover know “You had me at hello.” “Ego” is also retro, bringing back 1970s funk. The Jekell-Hyde separation Beyonce experiments with on I Am ... is enjoyable, but she might have benefited more from bringing the two personalities together instead. Disc one’s songs are slower sensual ballads, while disc two’s are much more upbeat. The balance doesn’t quite work on a straight-through listen, but there’s enough to make up for it here.
(10/29/08 6:33pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>As with its predecessors, in order to enjoy “High School Musical 3” you’ll just have to accept its absurdity, occasionally awful dialogue and squeaky-clean style. In the fantasy world of “High School Musical 3” everyone receives scholarships to Yale, Stanford and Julliard; 25-foot-tall banners of popular students decorate the cafeteria and high-school seniors don’t want to get drunk at prom. If you can stomach a few gag-inducing scenes, the rest is pure entertainment.This time around, Troy Bolton (Zac Efron) and friends decide to put on one last show before graduation, inspired by their dramatic lives as seniors. Along the way there’s some arguing amongst friends, questioning of the future and soul searching in practically the same form as the first two installments. It’s a testament to the songwriters’ abilities that they’re still able to craft enjoyable songs based on the same themes: Sharpay thinking she’s fabulous (the Roxie Hart-meets-Britney Spears “I Want it All”); Troy and Gabrielle being in love (the charming “Can I Have This Dance”) and getting into fights (“Walk Away”); and everyone reconciling at the end to stay BFFs (“High School Musical”).As the first installment released in theaters, “High School Musical 3” transfers smoothly to the silver screen. A bigger budget allows for flashier sets and costumes. The props for the school play in the first movie consisted solely of a ladder and cardboard moon. Now there are grand staircases, dancing skyscrapers, life-size houses and 30-member chorus lines. Most of the flashy scenery still looks hand-painted, though, preventing the film from flying too far from its amateur setting.As always, Charles Klapow’s choreography is incredibly impressive, and the young cast remains funny and energetic (although Ashley Tisdale’s Sharpay comes off as more of a conniving bitch than usual). A few new characters have been added – most likely so that the franchise could continue – but they come off as too cartoonish. The ending wraps up the Wildcats’ story nicely. The sentimental graduation and prom scenes even made me want to go back to high school, even if the one here is a fourth grade version of it.
(10/22/08 9:52pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>Ihave had so many great school memories, but unfortunately it’s time to say goodbye. No, I’m not graduating from IU – rather, it’s a farewell to my East High Wildcat friends, as “High School Musical 3: Senior Year” hits theaters tomorrow.You probably view the “High School Musical” series as the cheesy movies your 9-year-old cousin loves. I won’t waste time defending its awesomeness, but there’s no denying its impact on the entertainment industry. Debuting on the Disney Channel in January 2006, the first installment was an instant hit with 7.7 million viewers, with its soundtrack becoming the top-selling album of the year. The sequel shattered those numbers, pulling in 17.2 million viewers on its first airing. For those who have never seen the movies, Zac Efron stars as uber high school jock Troy Bolton, who joins his school’s musical theater department. His teammates get mad for abandoning them for musicals (although they have no problem expressing this anger through song and dance themselves) and the theater crowd feels invaded. Like any other kids’ movie, they all learn to follow their dreams and be friends.Aside from its financial achievements, the series should have a lasting impact on the viewing habits of its young, impressionable and obsessive fans. Despite the recent success of “Hairspray” and “Mamma Mia,” the musical genre has been a longtime hard box-office sell. Will youngsters raised on “High School Musical” continue to embrace the genre as they grow up or abandon it like most of us raised on “Aladdin” and “The Little Mermaid” did to those movies? This will be especially interesting among the strong young male fan base for whom liking the musical genre is often considered social suicide. Will they follow their newfound interest to drama club or ditch it for “masculine” sports teams?The series has also greatly shaped young audiences’ choice in music. Disney frequently dominates the music charts, as it’s able to filter content through its various outlets, such as Miley Cyrus on “Hannah Montana,” or the Jonas Brothers in “Camp Rock.” Sadly this force-feeding may hinder youngsters from developing their own taste of music. Sure, as a fourth grader constantly watching MTV back in 1997 I was brainwashed by their selected “hip” videos, but for every Hanson and Will Smith video there was some Fiona Apple and U2. Hopefully when audiences graduate from Disney they will know how to find other music they can relate to.As the first installment to hit movie theaters, “High School Musical 3” has a $30 million budget, a major increase from the $7 million the second one cost. Superstar Efron will make $3 million alone on this one. Of course, the increased budget allows for a much more flashy spectacle. Hopefully, among all the new razzle dazzle, the film won’t lose its sincerity and heart. It definitely won’t shed the wholesome, G-rated values.Thinking about this new film’s possible success, consider this: If only the 17 million viewers from the sequel show up this weekend, its box office pull would be more than $100 million, assuming the normal $7-$10 ticket prices. That probably won’t be quite the case. Parents now actually have to drive kids to the theater, rather than just sitting them in front of a TV, which could be reason the original was so popular. It will be interesting to see whether the parents do take their kids or just wait for the DVD. As today’s leading teen heartthrob, Efron is the most likely to graduate from Disney. Justin Timberlake, Lindsay Lohan and many before him have tried to make the jump to adult careers. April’s “Seventeen Again” will be his first real outing to determine whether he follows in the path of Leonardo DiCaprio or the two Coreys. Ashley Tisdale, Vanessa Hudgens, Corbin Bleu, and Lukas Grabeel don’t seem as eager to bolt from the mouse. Regardless of how their careers turn out, hopefully they agree to “High School Musical Reunion” 10 years from now.
(10/22/08 9:43pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>There are two types of films about civil rights and race issues: those that underplay it, but still manage to make certain the audience finds the message, and those that beat audiences over the head about how important the issue should be to them. “The Secret Life of Bees” is one of the latter. Hoping to escape her abusive father and learn more about her deceased mother, Lily (Dakota Funning) runs away with her housekeeper Rosaleen (Jennifer Hudson). Working with only a few of her mother’s keepsakes, Lily is able to locate her mother’s old friend, August Boatwright (Queen Latifah), who runs a bee farm with her two eccentric sisters June and May (Alicia Keys and Sophie Okonedo). The sisters help fight the social and racial issues of 1964 South Carolina while also dealing with personal matters. Throughout the trying times, the women remain strong, thanks to their belief in the Black Madonna, a statue of the Virgin Mary that resides in their living room.Based on Sue Monk Kidd’s 2002 best selling novel, “The Secret Life of Bees” is unfortunately a bad adaptation. The film tries to recreate the easiness of the peaceful summer nights – a concept that probably worked well through narration but plays out slow and boring on film.When the film does begin dealing with civil rights issues, it can’t help but beat them over the audiences’ head. Triumphant music swells and the actresses overact by delivering supposedly empowering speeches. Director Gina Prince Bythewood might as well scream “this part is important, damnit!” Despite these flaws, you’d have to be a pretty awful person to not feel for these characters and experience sadness at some point in the film.Leading lady Fanning holds her own amongst elder co-stars. I have to admit I always thought she would eventually hit her awkward middle-school years and disappear for a while, but at 14 years old she shows maturity and talent beyond her age. Hopefully “The Secret Life of Bees” was a good book, because the film adaptation’s extremely slow-moving and heavy-handed plot never allow it to be entertaining.
(10/15/08 9:38pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>Someday I want to be an extra in a lush period film, sit in the corner of a party scene dressed in extravagant clothes and a powdered wig, sipping on champagne and ending every sentence with “indeed.” Unfortunately “The Duchess,” a story about 17th century Georgiana, Duchess of Devonshire, shits all over this fantasy. Her flashy but empty life proves things back then weren’t so grand after all. Within the film’s first minutes, Georgiana’s (Keira Knightley) heartless and chauvinistic Duke husband (Ralph Fiennes) forces himself on her. Georgiana quickly becomes the “It Girl” of her day, and like any good socialite, found her Nicole Richie in the form of Bess Foster, a woman whose husband abandoned her and took their children with him. Livid with her inability to produce a male heir, the Duke forces Georgiana to suffer through a loveless marriage. The Duke then helps Bess get her kids back in exchange for her functioning as a live-in mistress, well known to Georgiana. When Georgiana seeks affection from a young politician, the Duke threatens to destroy their lives. Like any good period film, “The Duchess” is filled with lavish costume design and breathtaking European locations. The film’s subdued score is fine; however, many scenes would have benefited from the use of pure silence to heighten the sense of emptiness plaguing Georgiana’s tumultuous life. Knightley is radiant as always, but she never appears to age. Even with disheveled hair and tear-stained face as she loses a child in middle age, she looks like a young 20-something. Director Saul Gibb manages to inject humor in some pretty depressing places. He also dramatically emphasizes the awfulness of the Duke’s behavior with the use of a close-up shot of a house servant, forced to guard a bedroom door while the screams of Georgiana being raped fill the house. Unsettling, but powerful. “The Duchess” proves that these old Brits know how to stir up more drama than “The Hills” could ever dream of.
(10/08/08 9:43pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>It’s been almost two years since Jennifer Hudson blazed through movie theaters in “Dreamgirls,” picking up an Oscar along the way. And rather than jumping on the opportunities provided by her success, Hudson took time crafting her self-titled debut album. After such a long wait, the results are enjoyable, but nowhere near as sensational as her “Dreamgirls” performance suggested she could be.Here Hudson’s sound is much more contemporary than that of “Dreamgirls.” The album opens with “Spotlight,” a pleasing first single, which deserved a better radio reception when it was released this summer. “If This Isn’t Love” sets the tone for the rest of the album. Like most other mainstream pop and R&B, love takes the front seat in almost every song. There isn’t anything wrong with the numerous love songs, but they’re mundane. Luckily for Hudson, her voice overcomes blandness in ways most other artists couldn’t. And boy, is it one hell of a voice. Hudson is able to express real emotion rather than simply nailing the technical factors of holding on to notes for long stretches of time. The album’s best is “Pocketbook,” a sassy ditty featuring Ludacris, in which Hudson’s voice bounces up and down as if she’s playfully strutting her stuff while walking down a sidewalk. It’s the album’s only real shot at radio, and more tracks should have been modeled on its upbeat style. Fellow Season 3 “American Idol” contestant Fantasia shows up on “I’m His Only Woman.” The two powerhouse voices wail at each other in a “The Boy is Mine” way. A slightly condensed version of “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going” is tagged on the end, as is the simple, yet soulful “Jesus Promised Me a Home Over There.” The gospel may turn off many listeners, but there’s no denying Hudson’s comfort in the genre. Here’s praying Hudson’s next effort is a bit more exciting.
(09/24/08 10:23pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>Pie is the perfect food for the ever more sweet and delectable “Pushing Daisies” to revolve around. The show follows pie shop owner Ned (Lee Pace), a man with the ability to bring dead bodies back to life with the touch of a finger. The conundrum, though, is that those brought back to life only live for a minute until someone else dies in their place. That magic touch helped Ned hook up with a private investigator (Chi McBride) who uses his ability to reanimate murder victims and find out who killed them.However, they only have a minute to talk to the victim before Ned must re-kill them. It’s not your standard “CSI:” style procedural. Eventually Ned gets involved with the murder case of his childhood sweetheart, Chuck (Anna Friel), who he decides to keep alive in an attempt to rekindle their romance.The premise is pretty bizarre, but that’s only the start of the show’s lovable loopiness. The show’s style is completely different from any other TV series. It feels more like a movie (director Barry Sonnenfeld helmed the pilot episode) sprinkled with fantastic special effects, colorful costumes, picturesque landscapes and production design and fancy camera work. The zippy dialogue and prominent narration bring a Dr. Seuss vibe to the fairy-tale world, which the actors pull off with ease, especially Kristin Chenoweth as pie shop server Olive Snook, forced to watch her not-so-secret dream guy, Ned, woo Chuck.“Daisies” is one of the few shows that actually benefitted from last year’s writers’ strike. The shutdown only allowed nine episodes to be produced, which prevented the series’ quirky procedural premise from getting old too fast. It will be interesting to see if the second season that begins this October can hold on to the show’s charm for a full year.Each episode includes a few short making-of special features that show how the craziness all comes together, although seeing the process takes away from the fantasy vibe.With only nine episodes, the season can easily be consumed in one sitting, much like a freshly baked pie. Do it before season two is ready to come out of the oven.
(07/24/08 12:03am)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>“American Teen,” a new Sundance prize winning documentary, following the lives of several high-schoolers, hits theaters tomorrow. The movie was filmed in Warsaw, Indiana, and while you may know people from the town, hell you may even know people in the movie, don’t look for any opinions or local insights about the area from this columnist. As a non-native Hoosier who grew up in the Chicago suburbs I know nothing of the area (except that the trailer depicts it as straight-up farm land). But what’s important about the film, or at least suggested by its title, is that it’s not just “Indiana Teen,” but “American Teen,” aiming to capture everyone’s formative years on film.The recent onslaught of teen movie and TV shows like “The Secret Life of the American Teenager” is nothing new. Hollywood (we’ll use that big old, ever expansive noun even though the film was independently made) has always obsessed over teens-and ones with lots of angst and drama. The teen genre practically started back in the 50s (created by studio execs nonetheless) with the likes of “Blackboard Jungle” and “Rebel Without a Cause,” then eventually progressed to the 80s John Hughes era, and to today’s continuous “90210” rip-offs-including a new “90210.” There will always be teen movies for the simple reason that teenagers are a constant demographic and one with disposable income.Too bad MTV has pretty much ruined everyone’s views of the high school years with the snobby overblown teens of “My Super Sweet 16” and “Laguna Beach.” Hell, they’ve even destroyed the 20s with every abysmal “Room Raiders” like dating show. “American Teen” aims to ground these overblown portrayals, by filming “real” kids living their “real” lives. Sure when there’s cameras involved one can always doubt the level of authenticity but from even a quick view of the trailer, these kids actually seem more like people you might have sat next to in third period English than, say, the all-singing, all dancing students of “High School Musical”The glossy OMG reaction shows like “Gossip Girl” and “The O.C.” are great entertainment, but great scripted entertainment. Viewers may occasionally relate to Blair Waldorf and co. but are usually separated by their own lack of designer clothes and Manhattan penthouses. That connection and sense of hey ‘I’ve done that, I feel that way too’ is what teen shows often aim for. And it only really works when following real people, and actually attempting to be authentic. Sincerity made MTV’s reality show “The Paper” enjoyable.The trailer for “Teen” labels its subjects with the usual archetypes: The Jock, The Geek, The Rebel, The Princess, and The Heartthrob. Sure these students probably even think of themselves in that way, but hopefully this is just a product of the marketing department. Trying to appeal to older audiences as well the trailer tries pulling them in by asking “who were you?”So why are we always drawn back to the high school experience? I think, despite the awkward experiences, it comes down to nostalgia. For most people high school was pretty worry free. Yes there’s drama (as the film implies, from trivial dating issues to more serious ones like financial aid and mental illness) but at 16 most people don’t have to worry about mortgage payments, raising children, etc. High school is a time people begin to form some type of their identity that sticks with them for the rest of their life.So whatever “Teen” is aiming for – nostalgia, simple laughs, a Pulitzer Prize - it may succeed, it may not. And in our reality TV driven era it looks like an enjoyable alternative to the oh so entertaining, but shallow “She’s All That’s” of the world.
(02/07/08 5:00am)
Studying abroad in London offers many opportunities to experience the great culture of a country whose history dates back thousands of years. While the culture and history are fascinating, being here has also allowed the opportunity of going on Amy Winehouse-style pub crawls, making constant Harry Potter references and the chance to see the Spice Girls reunite in its native country in smashing, spit-spot, jolly 'ol London.\nOriginally formed in England in 1993 when they all responded to an add for five "lively girls" for a music group, the Spice Girls gained widespread attention in 1996 with its first single "Wannabe" and its 1997 debut album Spice. The following year, it released its sophomore album Spiceworld, with its film of the same name. In May 1998, Geri Halliwel, a.k.a., Ginger Spice, departed the group. By Christmas, the group scored another hit with the appropriately titled single "Goodbye." Following its last and unsuccessful studio album, 2000's Forever, the group announced its separation. After numerous weddings, solo efforts, scandals and children of their own, The Spice Girls announced its worldwide reunion tour that began December 2007. The closest the girls will get to Bloomington on this tour will be Feb. 15, when they stop in Chicago. \nArriving at London's largest indoor venue, the 20,000-seat O2 Arena, advertisements of the concert flashed as people swarmed to get into the doors. No fans were decked out in costumes, and all the 12-year-old fans of the late-'90s are now in their 20s. Chants of "Spice Girls! Spice Girls!" filled the arena as the lights went out and images of the girls appeared on the stage screens. The lights went up, and blasts of "la la la la la la" started as the girls rose up on stage tearing into "Spice Up Your Life." \nAfter thanking the crowd and stating how great it was to be back, they proceeded into "Say You'll Be There," the new single "Headlines (Friendship Never Ends)" and "The Lady is a Vamp," which was accompanied by Chicago-inspired black hats and burlesque dance moves. The girls also took a note from the TRL era of Britney Spears and 'NSYNC that followed their fame, aligning themselves with a group of backup dancers, as well as a live band. However, there was no lip-synching that night by the Spice Girls. \nInstead of its characteristic individualized costumes (no cat ears for Scary, sports bra for Sporty or little Gucci dress for Posh), the girls favored matching clothing schemes of sparkling whites, creams and boxing robes designed by Roberto Cavalli (after all these years, still no skirts for Sporty.) However, Geri's British flag dress (as well as giant Brit flags everywhere) showed up during "Who Do You Think You Are." \nEach singer performed something individually from her solo career. Surrounded by black-and-white peppermint swirls, Emma Bunton, a.k.a., Baby Spice, brought back London's swingin'-'60s vibe with her song "Maybe." Scary covered Lenny Kravitz's "Are You Gonna Go My Way," bringing a fan up on stage, only to handcuff him to a ladder and kick him with a whip. \nInstead of ignoring Geri's initial departure, the other girls had the balls, or whatever the girl-power equivalent to testosterone is, to play Post-Ginger songs such as "Holler" without her. At the end of the song, giant storm clouds and lightning bolts filled the screens. Ginger walked out in a raincoat accompanied by shirtless guys, giant vats of steam blowing up from the stage, and plenty of umbrellas as she sang her biggest hit, a cover of The Weather Girls' "It's Raining Men."\nIn the early years, the song "Mama" always featured the girls with pictures of their mums in the background. These days they're able to add pictures of them with their own kids (seven in all ... Mel C., a.k.a., "Sporty Spice," is the only one yet to pop one out.) About 25 girls aligned in matching white dresses appeared out of nowhere, turning the stage into an episode of "Deal or No Deal." (Instead of supermodels, they turned out to be a children's choir and managed to make a sappy, sentimental song rock.) \nBefore closing with "Goodbye," the group sang a medley of songs that included Sister Sledge's "We Are Family" and Kool and the Gang's "Celebration." \nWaiting only a minute to come back for the encore, the girls stalled by joking about which hit song they had forgotten to play. And so it began -- the song that started it all -- "Wannabe," with Mel B. shouting, "Yo I tell you what I want ... " and ending with a reprise of "Spice Up Your Life," while flags from numerous countries appeared on screen. \nAs the thousands of people poured out into the packed tube station, people still screamed cheers of joy and girl power, and many complained, "Why can't they stay together"
(01/10/08 5:00am)
"Charlie Wilson's War" comes from quite the pedigree of filmmakers. Mike Nichols ("The Graduate," "Postcards From the Edge") directs a script by Aaron Sorkin (writer of "The West Wing"). The film also unites a certain pair of Hollywood royalty for the first time ever (Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts, for those of you who have been in hibernation). While the movie may not be the movie to end all movies that its combination of creative forces suggests, it's still an interesting look at modern history.\nBased on a true story, "Charlie Wilson's War" tells how Texas Congressman Charlie Wilson (Hanks), on the urging of his rich, socialite friend Joanne Herring (Roberts) and with the help of CIA operative Gust Avrakotos (Philip Seymour Hoffman), manages to supply Afghani rebels with weapons to fight off the Soviets in the early 1980s. This occurs without the U.S. government "officially" getting involved, all while Wilson is under investigation for a drug-and-prostitution scandal.\nThe script is pure Sorkin: fast-paced, quick-witted political dialogue shot back and forth. Nichols nicely frames the constant flow of conversation, never making it feel too constricted, even if this occasionally means resorting to the Sorkin "Studio 60" method of talking while walking down hallways. The movie also wisely branches away from just Washington and includes many scenes in Afghani refugee camps to show why Wilson and his cohorts feel compelled to get involved. The human suffering both balances and contrasts nicely with the upper-class political banter.\nThe always-likeable Hanks does a fine job playing the sleazy Wilson, who enjoys the occasional nose candy and only hires hot 20-somethings as secretaries. Hoffman is dead-on as always; and although her role isn't as large as the movie's marketing campaign would like you to believe, Roberts gets the job done, even if her accent is occasionally a bit more Katharine Hepburn than Texas twang.\nUnfortunately, the film is cut off too soon. When American aid in Afghanistan ends, so does the movie, and despite the fact that it's briefly shown that this angered Wilson, it seems that he doesn't lose too much sleep over it. Five or 10 additional minutes could have easily answered any remaining questions. By remaining in the '80s, Nichols and Sorkin allow the film to suggest briefly that American aid led to Sept. 11, without getting themselves in too much hot water.\nThe film has pulled in five Golden Globe nods, including Best Motion Picture -- Comedy or Musical. And though it's an entertaining film, "Knocked Up," "Once," and "Waitress" all deserved that spot more.
(01/10/08 5:00am)
As the new year rings in, I once again offer Hollywood and our favorite celebs advice and resolutions for '08 (because, as always, I know so much more than they do).\nNickelback fans: Let yourselves be known! -- Seriously, who are you people? Do you exist? This band sells millions of albums, yet I've never met anyone who claims to like them. Please speak up! I have lots of questions I'd like to ask you. (Be warned, however, that the conversation will end with me punching you in the face for causing me to have to listen to "Rock Star" seven times a day at work.)\nJ.K. Rowling: Secretly stay in the Potter World -- Congratulations, J.K., '07 was a hell of year for you. "The Deathly Hallows" wonderfully completed your masterpiece saga. Take a nice, hard-earned vacation, then secretly get back to work. You've said no Harry Potter sequels, and I think everyone can agree that's for the best. However, you need to stock a few sequels and spinoffs ("The Adventures of Tiny Ted Lupin," "Hogwarts: A History of Magic," "Harry Potter and the Sudden Presence of Boredom and Loss Of Meaning in His Life as He No Longer Has Any Evil Wizard Ass to Kick"). Years after you're dead, Scholastic, or whoever's in charge of publishing your novels, will find some loophole to the books' rights and will surely reboot the Potter moneymaking machine by offering books worse than enduring the first half of a Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes Puking Pastille. If we're forced to deal with these, at least they'll have been written by you (ensuring awesomeness).\nBritney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, and Amy Winehouse -- I hate to be one of the countless columnists across the country telling you to get your lives back on track, but …\nThe Judd Apatow Gang -- My grandmother would love to clean your mouths out with soap. I, on the other hand love your crude, filthy "Superbad" sense of humor. Don't change it at all. But how about putting one of those swear jars where every time someone drops an f-bomb they drop in a quarter on set? At the end of production, all the money collected could be donated to charity (and with your guys' track records, that'd be enough to feed a whole country.)\nPromises Residential Treatment Center -- You guys seem to be the celebrity rehab of choice, and with the incredibly high number of celeb DUIs this year, why not set up an in-house driver's ed program (or remind these people they're rich enough to hire chauffeurs)? The streets of L.A. will become much safer.\nBrad Pitt, George Clooney, Matt Damon -- Please quit making the rest of the entire male population look completely inept. "Ocean's 13" was yet again an entertaining blast, but then you also go and make classy, smart, thinking-people pictures such as "The Assassination of Jesse James," "Michael Clayton" and "The Bourne Ultimatum." Cut it out.\nOprah -- If you're going to be charitable and help the less fortunate, at least be a little secretive and don't invite all the camera crews at every donation opportunity.\nVanessa Hudgens -- Grow a backbone and don't give into your Disney bosses so easily. One naked picture isn't the end of the world, but there you were apologizing like a terrified 5-year-old. Innocence may be the key to "High School Musical," but when it comes time for "College Musical," things may get a bit more risque.\n"Weeds" protagonist Nancy Botwin -- Relocate to the Midwest. Good luck restarting your life, but if things get touchy and you have to resort back to the business, head down to Bloomington. You should find plenty of customers here, and I think we could be pretty good friends.\nWhitney Houston and Jennifer Hudson -- Quit slacking, ladies, and get to work. Whitney's comeback album and Jen's debut should be sweeping the Grammys come February. Too bad you still haven't released them. Come on!\nSpice Girls -- Listen to your song "Never Give Up on the Good Times." You all seem to be having a blast on this reunion tour. Make it permanent, and hit the studio to start recording new material. \nWriters Guild of America and The Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers -- Set aside your differences. Join hand in hand to sing "I'd like to Teach the World to Sing in Perfect Harmony," like in that old Coke commercial. Meet each others' demands and please get back to making great TV. \nKelly Clarkson -- Embrace the mainstream. You proved to Clive Davis you're a badass by releasing "My December" and it was way artsy (you scare the crap out of me when you're dressed up like an Asian Fergie invisibly kicking that guy's ass in the "Never Again" video). But you know what else was awesome? "Since U Been Gone," "Walk Away" and "Because of You." So go record the sugary rock-pop anthem music RCA wants you to, even if it's "Breakaway 2.0." Because that stuff rocks.\nKanye West -- Look up the word "humble" in the dictionary and make a lunch date with Susan Lucci. I feel your pain, Kanye. You deserve all those awards you get snubbed for, but I haven't won anything since a soccer game in second grade, and poor Susan Lucci had to wait 19 years for her Emmy. Quit the unattractive diva antics.
(11/29/07 5:00am)
Step on that ledge, spread your arms wide, let the wind blow in your hair and scream "I'm king of the world!" because, believe it or not, "Titanic" turns 10 years old this month. Think back to 1997. Sheep were being cloned, and Nike-wearing cult members were drinking Kool-Aid. The "Men in Black" were fighting aliens and the Spice Girls were still together (oh, wait ... ). Hollywood was about to be hit by a colossal movie epic as big as that damn iceberg, changing cinema forever.\n Eleven Oscars. That's how many of those golden boys "Titanic" raked in. The little old lady, the giant diamond, the elegant ballrooms, the peasant lower levels, Kathy Bates, Jack and Rose, naked Kate Winslet (a giant bonus as a fifth grader!), the freaking iceberg, people dying ... you remember all that transpired in those three hours and 14 minutes. When the movie ended, nobody in the theater moved. People tend now to think about all the hysteria and backlash surrounding the movie, forgetting the film itself, but "Titanic" really is one hell of an excellent movie. \nThe plot is nothing more than the classic Hollywood love story of boy meets girl at a disastrous time. It's "Casablanca" on a boat. The film starts with Rose trapped in her loveless, mother-approved, engagement to rich businessman Cal, in a dying-off upper-class society. About to end her life, she meets poor but life-loving artist Jack. He's fun and frees her from her stuffy world. It sounds like your standard Lifetime-movie/romance-novel plot, but director/writer James Cameron makes the story so enjoyable. The drunken Irish dancing, banging in a car and then the iceberg. Suddenly the romance took a back seat as the film started focusing on the disaster. Thousands were trapped in the lower levels as those dumb guards sent off the lifeboats half-full. It's a history lesson (albeit, not a completely accurate one) mixed with entertainment and an examination of human suffering and behavior in a time of unexpected disaster. Yet throughout the final tragic hour of the film, this mass suffering is given human faces through the established characters. And this is why the film was such a hit. It tugs at every human emotion possible. Guys could pretend to be interested in the sinking ship, while girls got to bury their faces with tissues. \nSo, this holiday break when you have three weeks to spare, go rent "Titanic." And as Rose starts talking about the ship coming back to life as she begins telling her story, you'll find yourself transported to 10 years ago. So break out the tissue, and don't worry, Jack, we'll never let go. In the meantime, here's a "Titanic 'Where Are They Now'" for your nostalgic enjoyment.
(10/18/07 4:00am)
Like the legendary musician himself, Todd Haynes' new Bob Dylan biopic "I'm Not There" is hard to label. Instead of taking the tired, paint-by-numbers plot of rising star to drug addict to eventual Hall of Famer seen in movies such as "Ray," "Walk the Line" and many others before them, Haynes' experimental film casts six different actors in different segments representing different stages of Dylan's life. The name Bob Dylan, however, is never used. \nAmong them, newcomer Marcus Carl Franklin starts the film as an on-the-run, boxcar-riding, black child musician. Christian Bale's character Jack, a rising young folk musician in the early '60s, is unraveled in a fake-documentary style segment. The final segment finds Richard Gere as an elderly man hibernating in a twisted, storybook, Fellini-esque mountain town. And the most obvious Dylan portrayal of a renegade rock star messing with the British press comes from ... Cate Blanchett?\nIt's great to see such a nontraditional twist on the old biopic, and when the film soars, it's great. But it occasionally falls flat. During the less evident portrayals of Dylan, those who aren't die-hard Dylan experts (don't worry, that would be me too) might be a little confused about what exactly is happening and how it relates to Dylan. A little Wikipedia search after watching the film, however, helps fill in the gaps. \nMuch of the film is wisely shot in black and white, heightening the surreal effect of the swinging-'60s pop culture that included Andy Warhol and Edie Sedgwick. The segments are edited together stylishly, and cinematographer Edward Lachman's camera work consists of wonderfully dizzying pans and overhead shots. \nThere are many clever images throughout the film, such as The Beatles appearing in full-on "A Hard Day's Night"-style screaming-fan mode. To demonstrate the disgust of many Dylan fans with his change to electric guitar, a team of gunmen show up on stage at a folk festival and shoots up the crowd. A couple of the visuals, such as a giant animated whale and Gere's carnival town, are overly bizarre for the sake of being bizarre.\nAll the actors in "I'm Not There" do a fine job, but Blanchett deserves the most praise. At first, her Dylan seems like a "Saturday Night Live"-style impression of Michael Jackson, but after just a few seconds ... Wow. Looking past her, well, being a woman, and seeing her don those famous black shades and frizzy hair, Blanchett transforms into Dylan complete with his crazy outbursts, flowing gestures and characteristic voice (hopefully her dialect coach got a big paycheck). I doubt the Academy will embrace the film, but she should be taking home statue No. 2. Blanchett's Dylan is the closest to a standard biopic characterization, and it's so strong that it almost makes you wish Haynes had just shot the whole film with her.
(09/20/07 4:00am)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>She's baaaaack. OK, so Britney Spears never really went away, but it's been four years since her last CD of new material, and a lot has happened since then. The Vegas wedding, K-Fed, car-driving babies, plenty of crotch shots and, of course, the embarrassing VMA performance.
This new single needed to be huuuuge ... and it's not. Britney! What the hell? With your "It's Britney, bitch" line, the song starts out promising, but then there's not much more. It just repeats "Gimme more" over and over. I don't mean to be harsh, Britney. I'm just trying to help. It's not only that we want you back in our lives -- we need you. You've got a lot of work to do until that November release date, so listen up, because here's how to reclaim your thrown on the pop dynasty.
1. Dance, dance, dance!
You've always been at your best when surrounded by a troupe of backup dancers moving in perfect formation. Your recent performance at the VMAs was nowhere near on par with your past stunts -- the skin-toned dress, the giant python, making out with Madonna. Ahh, those were the days. But as the late Aaliyah (who beat you out for a VMA) once sang, "Dust yourself off and try again." Tighten the dance moves, stop the lip-synching and get on the talk show circuit. But don't do Leno; he sucks.
2. Don't be so distant and angry
Sure, artists should be angst-ridden and pissed off; everyone loves a rebel. But don't hate on your audience. The posts you put on your Web site such as "You'll never see it my way because you're not me" are off-putting and rude. We invade your life because our own lives aren't that interesting. Offer us more of yourself, and we won't have to go through the paparazzi to get our Brit fix.
3. Make 'em laugh, make 'em laugh, make 'em laugh!
"Crossroads" proved you're no master thespian, but deep down, when provided the right material, you've got some comedic chops (remember those gigs hosting "Saturday Night Live"?) Guest star on a comedy show, but not as yourself, and pick something more acclaimed than popular. We suggest NBC's perfect Comedy Night Done Right Thursday lineup. "30 Rock" would put you opposite Tina Fey again, or check in as a patient on "Scrubs" or embrace your southern roots on "My Name is Earl."
4. Don't bash the Fed
Somehow in hell, he's managed to come out looking like the better person in your old relationship. So maybe sing a song about what went wrong, but play nice and end it with a "we weren't meant for each other but we had fun and I still kind of miss you" message.
5. Bring the cameras with you
Here's where we should be telling you that reality TV is not your friend. "Chaotic" was abysmal at best, but the genre can actually help. Just look at Vicky Beckham. Before her NBC special, America thought she was a robotic bitch, but now we all want to be her best friend. So hire a camera crew this time (we don't need any "Blair Witch" shakiness as you zoom in on your knees to comment how they look like boobs) and record an hour-long show about what it's been like getting back to work.
Brit, we wish you the best. If it doesn't work out, we'll just keep rocking out to "Stronger," "Toxic" and other oldies. And hey, at least The Spice Girls are getting back together in December.
(08/23/07 4:00am)
Poor Chris Rock. The guy's hilarious, but like most comedians, his movies never quite match up to his stand-up. (Note: this does not include his tragically underappreciated TV show "Everybody Hates Chris.") \nRock plays Richard Cooper, a man who's been married for seven years and as he puts it is "fucking bored" with married life. The father of two loves his wife (Gina Torres) but can no longer stand the married life of Saturday afternoon shopping trips, dinner with other married couples and his biggest complaint, no sex. When an old friend, Nikki Tru (Kerry Washington), re-enters his life, the two form a bond that ends up being not so innocent and causes him to think, as the title says (…all together now), "I think I love my wife."\nYou've got to hand it to Rock. With "I Think I Love My Wife" -- his second film in the director's chair -- he ditches the gimmicky premises of most his films to create an adult comedy about marriage and infidelity (even if the results are far from perfect). The problem is the film, similar to "Knocked Up," isn't able to balance its raunchiness with the mature themes. So much bickering and complaining goes on -- just another reason to fear getting older -- that there isn't much room for any comedy. Instead the jokes usually come in between scenes and rely too much on mediocre race jokes and the F-word. The script also relies too heavily on Rock's narration, often pointing out the most obvious things. \nSpecial features include Rock's amusing director's commentary, some deleted and alternate scenes (nothing too special), bloopers and a feature about casting the movie. Come on, Chris, as director, writer and producer, did you actually think that anyone other than you would get the lead?
(08/23/07 4:00am)
The latest "Harry Potter" just hit, now "Stardust," and in the upcoming months a slew of more fantasy-world movies, including "The Golden Compass," and "The Spiderwick Chronicles," will hit theaters. But, hey, if they're as entertaining as "Stardust," then that magical world of Hollywood can keep 'em coming.\n"Stardust" revolves around Tristan (Charlie Cox), a slightly nerdy teen in a small English village whose border aligns a magical world. Trying to win the affection of local hot girl Victoria, he leaves his village to bring back the remains of a falling star. Turns out said falling star is a real person, played by Claire Danes, and Tristan isn't the only one pursuing her. Together they must fight off an evil witch (Michelle Pfeiffer) set on using the star's heart as a means of immortality and a group of brothers who need her to gain control of their father's kingdom. \nThe beginning of the film feels too much like an adapted version of a book (which it is) relying on the narrator (Ian McKellen) to explain everything that's happening. But once story lines are explained and the action begins, the film becomes very entertaining.\nMuch credit goes to those in designing departments as the look of the film is great. Fantastic costumes, great scenery -- both fake and real (there are plenty of obligatory twirling fantasy-movie shots of mountains and rivers) -- and gruesome makeup blend wonderfully. The special effects are also damn cool. While similar movies can cost upwards of $100 million, the $70 million spent on "Stardust" surprisingly gets away with a lot, even if a few shots look cartoonish. All actors fit their roles perfectly from the famous (Pfeiffer, Ricky Gervais, Sienna Miller) to the not-so-well-known (Cox, David Kelly, Mark Strong).\nWhy "Stardust" wasn't one of the biggest blockbusters of the year is a mystery to me, but after DVD and eventual TV syndication, this one should stand the test of time. While it may not get to "The Princess Bride" status, it's an enjoyable trip.
(07/19/07 4:00am)
OK, so much like the movie, I've got a lot to say and not a lot of time to say it.\n I made the mistake of rereading the book last week and therefore was able to point out everything the movie changed or left out, putting a damper on my Harry Potter experience. \nBeing the longest book in the series, "Order" somehow managed to end up the shortest film yet. Um, why? So much happens in "Order" that simply adding 10 minutes would have breathed a lot more into it. Everything in the movie is rushed. The actors hurriedly spit out thousands of words to keep things moving. It's exhaustive and probably a bit incompressible to the average Muggle. The quick pace also downplays the seriousness of certain plot points. Dementors in Little Whinging and Mr. Weasley's attack are played off as everyday occurrences, and the Order itself is barely explained.\nThis time around, the film is directed by BBC vet David Yates (the directors are changing as frequently as Hogwarts' defense against the dark arts teachers), who definitely brings his own style to the film. There are many awkward cuts and bird's-eye-view camera angles that don't work, but Yates succeeds in taking the film in a darker direction. This ain't the magical world of "Sorcerer's Stone" anymore. Things are starting to get grim, which brings us to the film's highlight: the last 20 minutes in the Department of Mysteries. It's fricking terrifying -- like really, really scary (Voldemort at the train station, Bellatrix Lestrange's smirk, the claustrophobic atmosphere -- ahhh, help me!). Apparently I've been downplaying the intensity of Deatheaters and dark magic in my mind while I read the books because I never imagined it to be this extreme and frightening. Any ambition I had to become an auror is now gone; I'm not brave enough for that. I'll stick to charms instead.\nThe story lines of Umbridge taking over Hogwarts and Dumbledore's Army are handled well, and as always, the adult cast of Britain's who's who (Emma Thompson, Alan Rickman, Helena Bonham Carter, Maggie Smith, Richard Griffiths) are fantastic if underused. I loved the Weasley twins' obsession with apparting, and Harry finally got some play in an awkwardly long make-out scene with Cho. (But how dare they change the story so that she gave up the D.A.?)\nThe few days after the initial viewing of a Harry movie are always touchy, so as I've done with the previous films, I'm sure I'll get over my complaints and learn to love this movie. But until then, it gets a B+
(07/19/07 4:00am)
With a Harry Potter book and movie being released within 10 days of each other, we Muggles should be as excited as if we'd just made out with Ginny Weasley after winning the Quidditch cup. Well, that'd be great, if this had been about three years ago and it wasn't time for us to pick up the final Harry Potter book and say goodbye forever. \nIt seems like just yesterday I laid in bed as a middle-schooler reading all of "Sorcerer's Stone" in one night, positive that within the next few weeks a giant man would break down my door and say, "You're a wizard, Michael," and whisk me off to Hogwarts. As I sit here wanting to write a tribute, with the movies' theme song playing full blast, I wonder where the hell to begin. Ramble about the awesomeness of everything in the magical world (Bertie Botts Every Flavored Beans, Helga Hufflepuff, The Sorting Hat)? Applaud J.K. Rowling's literary skills? Predict what happens in book seven? Discuss the books' influence on culture and reading? How bout I touch on all of 'em?\nGoing into book seven, everyone has two questions on their mind: Is Snape good or bad, and will Harry live or die? So much of the books seem to be divided into two categories of simple answers: good or bad, life or death. But I don't think these questions at hand have easy yes or no answers. I'd like to think Snape is innocent and Dumbledore is still alive. Let's face it, without Dumbledore's skills, knowledge and leadership, everyone else is screwed. But it seems too over the top for Snape and Dumbledore to have had this whole elaborate setup planned. And yes, I do recognize the irony in saying a book about magic is far-fetched. As for Harry's death, it's all about that prophecy: "... for neither can live while the other survives ..." \nA popular theory is that Harry is one of Voldemort's Horcruxes. More evidence supports this suggestion (Harry's scar, his close bond to Gryffindor, his ability to speak Parseltongue) than disproves it (the stupidity of destroying one's own Horcrux). If this theory holds true, Voldemort most likely isn't aware Harry is a Horcrux or he unwillingly made him one. If either of these situations is the case, both Harry and Voldemort would have to die, altering the prophecy that neither can survive. \n(Please note that, just for the record, while I enjoy discussing the possible outcomes of the last book, anyone who ruins it for me will be subject to my nasty Cruciatus Curse. I am willing to obtain a criminal record in order to finish book seven surprised.) \nAs for Rowling, we could sit and discuss her wonderful ideas and writing style, how she so-slightly makes hints about later plot points or how she was able to write for both adults and children. The key to her genius, however, is much simpler. The woman was able to take a simple good vs. evil plot line and extend it over 7(!) books, making each one better than the last. And there we were, an entire nation, an entire world, reading these "children's" books. People were actually reading again.\nAs we all lose the will to live July 22, fear not: There's still hope for Harry. It was announced last month that a Hogwarts theme park will be opening in Orlando, Fla., in 2009, just as I graduate and am denied a job at every place where I apply. So I'll be off to acquire employment at fake-Hogwarts. Though I've yet to decide whether I'll take the position of sitting in the moving pictures and talking to guests or assisting Ollivander the wand-maker, at least my sick fantasy of Harry's world being a "real" place will come true. Until then -- Harry, Dumbledore, Minerva, Ron, Hermy, Hagger, Tonks, Peeves and all my other old pals: Thanks for the memories I've now stored in my Pensieve, and I raise to you a glass of butterbeer. Wingardium Leviosa!
(07/19/07 4:00am)
Spells, Potions and Magical Devices for you wizards
(06/28/07 4:00am)
TOP 5: