If J.K Rowling kills Harry, I may have to move to Orlando

With a Harry Potter book and movie being released within 10 days of each other, we Muggles should be as excited as if we'd just made out with Ginny Weasley after winning the Quidditch cup. Well, that'd be great, if this had been about three years ago and it wasn't time for us to pick up the final Harry Potter book and say goodbye forever. \nIt seems like just yesterday I laid in bed as a middle-schooler reading all of "Sorcerer's Stone" in one night, positive that within the next few weeks a giant man would break down my door and say, "You're a wizard, Michael," and whisk me off to Hogwarts. As I sit here wanting to write a tribute, with the movies' theme song playing full blast, I wonder where the hell to begin. Ramble about the awesomeness of everything in the magical world (Bertie Botts Every Flavored Beans, Helga Hufflepuff, The Sorting Hat)? Applaud J.K. Rowling's literary skills? Predict what happens in book seven? Discuss the books' influence on culture and reading? How bout I touch on all of 'em?\nGoing into book seven, everyone has two questions on their mind: Is Snape good or bad, and will Harry live or die? So much of the books seem to be divided into two categories of simple answers: good or bad, life or death. But I don't think these questions at hand have easy yes or no answers. I'd like to think Snape is innocent and Dumbledore is still alive. Let's face it, without Dumbledore's skills, knowledge and leadership, everyone else is screwed. But it seems too over the top for Snape and Dumbledore to have had this whole elaborate setup planned. And yes, I do recognize the irony in saying a book about magic is far-fetched. As for Harry's death, it's all about that prophecy: "... for neither can live while the other survives ..." \nA popular theory is that Harry is one of Voldemort's Horcruxes. More evidence supports this suggestion (Harry's scar, his close bond to Gryffindor, his ability to speak Parseltongue) than disproves it (the stupidity of destroying one's own Horcrux). If this theory holds true, Voldemort most likely isn't aware Harry is a Horcrux or he unwillingly made him one. If either of these situations is the case, both Harry and Voldemort would have to die, altering the prophecy that neither can survive. \n(Please note that, just for the record, while I enjoy discussing the possible outcomes of the last book, anyone who ruins it for me will be subject to my nasty Cruciatus Curse. I am willing to obtain a criminal record in order to finish book seven surprised.) \nAs for Rowling, we could sit and discuss her wonderful ideas and writing style, how she so-slightly makes hints about later plot points or how she was able to write for both adults and children. The key to her genius, however, is much simpler. The woman was able to take a simple good vs. evil plot line and extend it over 7(!) books, making each one better than the last. And there we were, an entire nation, an entire world, reading these "children's" books. People were actually reading again.\nAs we all lose the will to live July 22, fear not: There's still hope for Harry. It was announced last month that a Hogwarts theme park will be opening in Orlando, Fla., in 2009, just as I graduate and am denied a job at every place where I apply. So I'll be off to acquire employment at fake-Hogwarts. Though I've yet to decide whether I'll take the position of sitting in the moving pictures and talking to guests or assisting Ollivander the wand-maker, at least my sick fantasy of Harry's world being a "real" place will come true. Until then -- Harry, Dumbledore, Minerva, Ron, Hermy, Hagger, Tonks, Peeves and all my other old pals: Thanks for the memories I've now stored in my Pensieve, and I raise to you a glass of butterbeer. Wingardium Leviosa!