We all know what a toddler strung-out on candy and soda is like. Maybe we've been (or still are) that toddler, or maybe we've had to grapple with the squirming, little, energetic creature until its energy levels subsided and it could be reasoned with. Now imagine a pack of such toddlers, all vying for equal attention and you'd be close to imagining Live Buzz's interview with Rod Tuffcurls and the Bench Press: some of the most spirited and talented performers that Bloomington has ever had the pleasure to host.

Our meeting took place shortly after the their rehearsal performance last Thursday. The stage was covered with stuffed animals; a tiger and a child's play rabbit were contorted into various positions, and next to a giant frog was an empty Venti Starbucks cup. On the wall, next to drummer Dick Celebrity, was a taped-up American flag. Center stage were the four beaming performers in the flesh: Rod Tuffcurls, Uncle Sex, Dick Celebrity, and CC Ryder (their real names, I was told, must be kept concealed for various legal reasons).

We opted to sit down for the questions, something which visibly agitated most of the Bench Press who likely would have preferred to take the questions while doing jumping jacks or running laps. It goes without saying the energy was palpable. In several instances Dick Celebrity hurled a water bottle at the placid CC Ryder and later borrowed my glove when the watter bottle could not be found; there was also a gum break after the first three questions to tide the members over, Rod Tuffcurls' booming guffaws, and an unceasing chatter among the band members who weren't responding to the questions.

So golden was this side dialogue (witty remarks with a couple of diarrhea references thrown in for good measure) that I have dutifully reproduced what I could from my garbled recording. There's no voice like the authentic Tuffcurls/Bench Press voice, and I happily decided to spare whatever could be spared. The paragraph breaks in the T&BP answers represent alternating voices from the group.

This is a cover band experience you simply won't find anywhere else. With an ability to genre-hop from Disney to Les Miserables to celebratory Bud Light Lime ballads, RodTuffcurls and the Bench Press refuse to leave any musical avenues unexplored, upping an astronomical ante each time they choose a new song.

What's most incredible is that for all of their stage hijincs, they're damned fine musicians (who would object to any musicianship praise) with no more of a goal than to have a good time and end the night more drunk than they entered it. But for Rod Tuffcurls and the Bench Press or for any of their devoted fans, this has already been decided long before they step out onto the stage. The real question you will be asking is: when will they be coming back?

LB: Well how did you guys start out?

Tuffcurls & Benchpress: All of our dads had sex with our moms.

LB: Wait, who's "our mom"?

T&BP: We started, well we met at a single's convention. No--wait. That doesn't seem right.

That puts a whole new perspective on things.

I don't know if you've seen the movie 'Rounders' but that was pretty much made about us. We were in the hole--it was a butthole, right?--deep in the butthole, and we owed money. And then from there we did "Wild Cat". That was a song we decided on.

[Tuffcurls & Sex] went to grade school together, and they worked at Starbucks together. But none of that's important!

There was actually a drummer before Dick Celebrity...

You son of a bitch! DO NOT PUT THAT IN THE INTERVIEW! (Throws water bottle; rocks the bench)

Don't rock the camera. It's blurring everything.

I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOUR NEW CAMERA!

But I feel like this band hit its stride once Dick Celebrity came into the band. I wouldn't say musically; we were definitely more solid before musically. It's not really even about the playing all of the songs well like we used to. It's about having fun.

I feel like we started as a joke to play one friend's wedding. And then we played some gigs to get ready for the wedding. And then three and a half years went by and somebody got the ole' preggers ("aw!"), and yeah!

LB: You don't exactly seem approachable for the wedding theme?

T&BP: Oh we killed it. But it was all an accident.

LB: How did the Father Tuffcurls shirts and shorts combo start anyway?

T&BP: Wait, why do you keep saying 'Father Tuffcurls?'

Do you see him as being a Biblical figure?

I kinda do.

We didn't play that often then. It'd be like, shirts and jeans. And maybe a gig every one or two months. And then we won a Battle of the Bands that was super hard to get into but that Rob got us into and we started playing there every Thursday. I don't actually remember how it happened, but I think that one week we were like "we should all wear funny stuff;" and so my ex-girlfriend at the time got us all shorts.

I think CC Ryder was already wearing her shorts.

(overheard) ...and then you just start beating someone senselessly because they're trying to point out...

So I guess the point was that she was the first to give me my short shorts--that's actually our Asian manager: Mean mi Shortshorts!

MEAN MI SHORTSHORTS! Yaddya yaddya yaddya, and Uncle Sex did six to eight months in county.

LB: I forgot where we were in the questions.

T&BP: Once you wear shorts at a concert you can't go back.

Wearing pants sucks.

LB: So if I were to direct this interview back to the points about records, do you have a record out?

T&BP: No! We've never even played an original song.

Actually, let's say yes and plug the album that's really super hard to find.

We have a Christmas album in the works but it won't be ready until next Christmas.

And we have a single actually called "Suit Coat." One of the lines is: "How come your suit coat don't match your pants/ How come your tie don't reach your belt?/ Is it because/ You're too damn fat?

LB: So what could Tuffcurls lovers expect from this Christmas album?

T&BP: Herpes. A whole outbreak. Actually ten dollars' damage on the bank account. And lots of damage down in the...

LB: Is there a "Call Me Maybe" cover out yet?

T&BP: YES! Sometimes we do it in the middle of "500 Miles", and sometimes we replace the word "maybe" with "gravy." By accident of course. "Call me Gravy," is another upcoming single.

LB: Best venue ever played?

T&BP: Bloomington. People seem to get into our funny stuff more here. Chicago's finally been coming around but we've only been playing here this year and it's a much younger crowd.

And for a bunch of drunk college kids, they're pretty smart!

The bad part is that because it's the Bluebird everyone's either a junior or a senior, and you give them a year before they're away. We're starting to play in Indianapolis, but a lot of people from IU are starting to come to Chicago now. It's the right choice. Is there anyway you could sway that in your article?

LB: Definitely.

Catch Rod Tuffcurls and the Bench Press THIS SATURDAY at the Bluebird, and be sure to stay tuned for Part 2!

Interview and Post by Brandon Cook

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