Column: The NFL Draft is boring

It’s that time of year again.

The most anticlimactic, tedious and frustrating spectacle in the world of broadcasting is happening now. Months of nearly baseless speculation and utter guesswork have finally culminated into what might cause the first recorded death by boredom.

Yes, thank the football gods for the 2014 NFL Draft.

That’s right, if you’re really itching to get your fill of the NFL Draft for the next decade or so, ESPN offered NFL Draft-related programming for a whopping 5 1/2 hours Thursday, and is offering more this weekend.

You think that’s bad? NFL Network offered 13 1/2 hours of coverage Thursday, with more to come.

Sure, that might seem like overkill by itself, but consider the fact that, for the past three months, we’ve been inundated with the same recycled Mel Kiper interviews on the same college players who haven’t done anything since January except run around at the combine in gym shorts.

Lousiville quarterback Teddy Bridgewater’s draft stock is dropping? Why, did he slip in the shower?

I can’t wait to watch 10 hours of Draft pregame and find out why his shaky Pro Day makes him the next Tim Couch.

I’m using hyperbole, but, all joking aside, there’s a huge problem with the way the NFL has decided to do the draft in the past few years.

There are only 32 picks in the first round on Thursday, and since 2010 ESPN and the NFL Network have only increased their coverage of the event.

We’re left with 3 1/2 hours of actual draft coverage. That’s one pick every 6 1/2 minutes of the first round, with commercials, and you can bet your house they’ll be breaking to one after every other pick.

It seems like a cruel social experiment at first, but honestly I can see what the NFL is trying to do. They’re trying to turn the draft into the second biggest pro football event after the Super Bowl, and they’ll be damned if they aren’t gonna pick up that sweet, sweet ad money in the process.

But even if that’s the case, their system is flawed. As I pointed out, it’s not like we don’t already have at least a pretty decent idea of who’s going to go in the first 10 picks or so by May.

And although I admit it’s fun to watch a team like the Browns reach for a 28-year-old bust with their first pick, the event doesn’t lend itself to the all-day media coverage like the Super Bowl does.

With the Super Bowl, you have a result and closure at the end of the day. Someone lost, someone won. It’s satisfying.

But with the draft, you’re just left with more speculation until what, the first preseason game in August, when you finally get to see the rookies play?

And God forbid you check Twitter. That fun-crushing little bird will spoil those picks with less remorse than a jerk at a Harry Potter midnight book release.

All that said, I’m still going to watch it because I’m a lemming, I love football and I love my Miami Dolphins despite feeling like they stole my lunch money at the end of every season.

But maybe that’s the appeal of the draft and the NFL in general. No matter what team you claim, you almost always leave feeling optimistic about the next season — it gives you hope.

It gives you hope that maybe, just maybe, watching Chris Berman stammer through 3 1/2 torturous, commercial-laden hours was actually worth the time you gave it.

­aknorth@indiana.edu