Grow Up, NFL

He’s here, he’s queer — get used to it, NFL.
Missouri defensive end Michael Sam announced Sunday that he was gay. Which, provided he gets drafted in April as expected, would make him the first openly gay NFL player.

Since the NFL is apparently run by 12-year-old boys who probably laugh at Dane Cook and the word “pianist,” Sam’s decision to publicly come out is causing some apprehension within the league.

Last week — before Sam’s announcement, mind you — when asked his thoughts about gays in the league, New Orleans Saints linebacker Jonathan Vilma quipped, “Imagine if he’s the guy next to me (in the locker room) and, you know, I get dressed, naked, taking a shower ... and it just so happens he looks at me. How am I supposed to respond?”

This is the kind of talk I would expect to hear in, say, a middle school locker room. But this talk among fully-grown adults is downright laughable.  

When it comes to players’ acceptance of gays in the league, Vilma is in the minority. Many players are expressing support for Sam. But when it comes to NFL front offices, think GMs, team owners, coaches, etc.,  it’s a different story.

One NFL assistant coach called Sam’s decision to go public “not a smart move ... (it) legitimately affects (his) potential earnings,” according to an article from the Atlantic.  News on Monday revealed he fell 70 points on CBS’s draft prospect board overnight.

What does a player’s sexuality have to do with his athletic prowess? A lot, says the NFL, apparently.

But let’s be honest — this isn’t about athletic prowess. It’s about money. The NFL is worried that some of their most treasured and “manly” sponsors will pull their support if it features a gay athlete.

Its also concerned it will lose fans, especially male fans, because watching a gay person play football on television obviously makes you gay.

Less viewers and sponsors means less money for the league, which means less money for the coaches, GMs and owners. This sort of explains the teams’ front offices’ apprehension and the drop in Sam’s draft prospection.

Word on the street is HBO’s working on a spin-off of its new gay dramedy series “Looking” based on Sam’s story, entitled “Looking ... at Football Players’ Butts in the Locker Room,” but this is just speculation. No official word on the premiere date.

Regardless, Sam will get to the league because he is talented and deserves it. His sexuality has nothing to do with it.

Oh and Michael, if you’re reading this ... call me?

­— ziperr@indiana.edu
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Riley Zipper