The 7 habits of highly successful Little Fivers

Here at IU, we pride ourselves on our title as proficient partiers. So, kids, take it from a seasoned pro — there are a few simple and easy habits that will ensure you have the best Little 500 Week possible.

1. No sleeves all week.

The temperature for most of the week will be in the 70s. But more importantly, it’s going to be rowdy. Don’t let restrictive sleeves weigh you down. Spring those tanks from the back of your closet and thrash your pale arms around like nobody’s business. Don’t forget that SPF, though. Burnt shoulders are a no-no. Also, while we’re talking dress code, no fanny packs. It isn’t even ironically cute. Stick to the essentials by slipping your debit card and ID into your phone case or bra. Then, just take your keys and chapstick. Simple is your friend.

2. Stick to liquors.

Yes, beer’s cheap and easy, but it in turn makes you cheap and easy. Leave the Coors on the shelf this week and stick to liquor. Even inexpensive vodkas, tequilas and rums are acceptable. The beer calories are not worth it, and don’t fool yourself — you won’t be hitting the gym. Save those calories for when you really want them: for the post-party pizza you’ll be ordering.

3. Take a night off.

My usual mantra is one day to rage, one day to recover. But since most of you animals won’t abide by that, take at least one day to let your liver breathe. Constantly binging will do nothing but burn you out, and you won’t be able to enjoy the full week of festivities. So pick a night in advance and stay in. Watch TV. Do that paper. Get your ducks in a row. Whatever. Rest up and rage the next day.

4. Dance to Icona Pop.

I don’t care — I love the Swedish DJ electro house duo. Every time you hear those banging electric drops, forget everything you’re doing and report to the dance floor. Bonus points if you twerk it out the entire song or trade shirts with a total stranger while complimenting their sick dance moves.

5. Stay with your posse.

Birds of a feather flock together, and your friends are going to be the ones you want looking out for you in the craziness this week. From pre-game to party to the walk home, do not leave your group. If you must wander off, take at least one member of your group with you and tell the others where you are headed. Remember — a good pack never leaves a person behind, so when you depart, take a head count and make sure everyone’s there.

6. Bathe in Showalter Fountain

Make sure your group makes a pit stop at the IU staple for a quick dip. After all, it’s going to be hot, and we need to keep cool somehow. Bonus points if you and your friends can reenact the “Friends” title sequence while singing a lovely drunk rendition of “I’ll Be There For You.” 

7. Don’t be basic.

Unfortunately, it must be said. Too often, some basic biddy refuses to keep it cute. Don’t binge to the point  of vomiting in a yard or drooling on your tank. Don’t pass out and force your friends to carry you. Be respectful of people’s property by not stealing their possessions or puking on them. Most importantly, just because it’s Little 500 doesn’t mean you forget your  pleases and thank yous. Keep it
courteous. Keep it cute.