Hey girl

Write down five good things about yourself.

This was an exercise an elementary school health teacher forced upon our class one day in an effort to encourage high self-esteem and positive self-image.

We wrote down things like “smart” or “good friend” or “athletic” or “really big Beanie Babies collection.” Conspicuously absent were words like “pretty” or “attractive” or even “cute.” 

Even in the fourth grade, we’re not supposed to know how we look, and we’re definitely not supposed to feel good about it.

Despite parents’, teachers’, and Christina Aguilera’s best efforts, there seems to be some unwritten rule about saying we are beautiful.

If we say that we’re good-looking, our peers turn up their noses and immediately start cataloging our ugliest characteristics. This is an exchange that usually happens indirectly and dramatically, reminiscent of middle-school locker rooms and cafeteria-table seating politics. 

Last April, it happened viciously and virally when Samantha Brick wrote an article for the Daily Mail about how hard it is to be pretty. While the premise of her article was somewhat nauseating — saying “People treat me poorly because I’m just too awesome” is never that compelling — her appearance was ruthlessly bashed across the Internet. 

#SamanthaBrickFacts trended on Twitter, usually paired with a snarky remark about her looks. Several sites declared her exceedingly average, including Jezebel writer Lindy West, who wondered if the Daily Mail was playing a trick on the poor woman. 

Any woman who can wade through a societal climate that disallows women to value themselves and can truly believe she is beautiful is an anomaly. We’re told we’re intellectually inferior, emotionally unstable and so ugly that we need to pick at and paint ourselves to feel normal.

Society, particularly other women, ensures this is the case.

The consensus that no one should actually like his or her body is also evident in every celebrity interview ever. Stars show how normal and down-to-earth they are by declaring their insecurities to the world. 

Kim Kardashian hates her thighs.

Megan Fox cannot bear to look at pictures of herself. 

Sophia Vergara and Katy Perry are ashamed of their buxom bosoms.

When these women’s insecurities are published alongside glossy photoshopped pictures of their hot bods, they perpetuate a culture of self-hate. If women famous for being beautiful are convinced they are monstrosities, what are average women supposed to think? 

It is really hard to get to the point where you can even think about being beautiful. Make it easier for other women by avoiding attacking their looks when you disagree with their ideas. Make it easier on yourself by consuming woman-positive media and avoiding publications that encourage an unrealistic standard of beauty. Make it easier for everyone by recognizing that you live in a society that expects certain things from you because you’re a woman, and it’s okay to say “screw you, society” every once in a while.

­— casefarr@indiana.edu