Social network addiction

On June 26, Google announced its new social networking service called the Google+ Project. 

It offers a more immersive interface and customizable security than the current social drug of choice: Facebook.

I’ve experimented with a lot of social networks in my day. When I was in middle school, I had a Xanga where I blogged about my 13-year-old worries on the state of the Internet. It was a savage existence on Xanga, the only amenities were text posts and the occasional picture.

Later, I moved to MySpace. By switching to MySpace, not only could I post my idiotic thoughts, but everyone could see my interests and how many friends I had. That’s where my experimenting became more of a full-fledged addiction.

I wanted everyone to think I was popular, and the only way to prove it was to adjust my Top 8 daily and add anyone with a verified email address. I remember even constantly adding strangers.

 All I needed to know was they liked me enough to add me back.

MySpace made profiles customizable. Everyone could see how unique you were with a mess of sparkly .gif profile pictures and slowly loading videos. It’s truly a wonder nobody went blind from the atrociously colored layouts.

Then Facebook came around with picture albums, statuses and “like” buttons. However, the most powerful advancement was the notification. Sweet Jesus, the feeling of waking up to an abundance of “noties” used to make my day. I needed to score “noties” like a heroin addict needed his next buzz.

As a result of my severe addiction to social networking, I must stumble around the Internet all day to find awesome posts before someone else does and steals my “noties.”
Some people would call me a “shut-in.”

Occasionally I’ll look out through the cracks in my Venetian blinds, but all I see in the outside world is a dangerous waste land filled with strangers who wouldn’t even care to “like” a funny wall post. It’s also unbearably humid and there are mosquitoes carrying various blood diseases.

Thankfully, in the future, Google+ will replace unsatisfactory real world interactions with an easier to ditch Internet equivalent. Google has created a group video chat application that wants to promote spontaneous “Hangouts.”

Now my friends and I do not have to leave our respective Internet strongholds when we want to have a face-to-face conversation.

Furthermore, if I want to get out of a lame conversation, all I have to do is
pretend I had a bad connection.

Go ahead and say goodbye to your current social network because Google+ will not be a casual experience. We’re not talking about the high you get from chocolate, I’m talking about a severe mind-blowing acid trip of a high when your social network is linked to your email, work, videos and calendar — it’ll even be connected to satellites via Google Maps.

Open up your social networking eye, your addictions are about to get far worse once Google+ goes public.

­— nicjacob@indiana.edu