Stay away from my cigs

This week the Food and Drug Administration revealed nine new warning labels for cigarette boxes. These warnings include images of some dude blowing smoke out of a tracheotomy hole, a helmetless Darth Vader on oxygen and a cute baby getting its first precious nicotine buzz.

These images are huge, they’re scary looking and they make me want to never smoke again. This is my problem. Why can’t Washington just leave smokers alone?

First they began by segregating smokers from nonsmokers in restaurants, which totally contradicts the rulings of Brown v. Board of Education.

I believe it says something in that ruling about how it’s wrong for a citizen to walk past one dining room to eat at another. However, I’m not entirely sure, I just skimmed the Wikipedia page.

They then banned smoking from restaurants entirely. Later, when everyone definitely thought they were going too far, the government told smokers they couldn’t light up in bars. What is this bull crap? Nothing feels better than drinking liver poison and inhaling the sweet smoky nectar of nicotine.

Next, they got rid of smoking in planes, and most recently legislators in Maine have been trying to restrict smoking in cars. Wow, it’s starting to look a lot like Soviet Russia around here.

But why does the government insist on damning smokers when they actively support tobacco corporations with subsidies at the same time?

In the last decade, the federal government has handed out over $944 million to tobacco companies.

You don’t want me to smoke, but you want cigarettes to be everywhere. I feel like I’m getting mixed messages here. Pick a side; we’re at war.

Listen, I understand an obscene amount of people die from smoking cigarettes — 443,000 people every year. Indeed, I also understand tobacco consumption is the highest ranking cause of preventable and premature death in America.

But let’s remember the people who have passed by how they lived, doing what they loved by inhaling that good ol’ fashioned, addictive, patriotic tobacco.

If I want to slowly destroy my lungs, my teeth, my gums, my bank account, the security deposit on my smokeless apartment and my clothes, it’s my decision to be made and absolutely not something the government should force upon me.

I mean shoot, if the government really insisted on protecting my health they would at least provide me with adequate healthcare.

So far they don’t, so therefore, they can shut up and stay away from my cancer sticks.

­— nicjacob@indiana.edu