America: A tribute

The Fourth of July is a day in which American people come together as one to celebrate our independence from the English crown, as ratified in 1776.

As tradition dictates, men and women from all walks of life put their differences aside and proceed to get absolutely trashed and play with explosives: a modern rendition of “bombs bursting in air,” as depicted by Francis Scott Key at the Battle of Fort McHenry.

Though iconic, the fireworks are merely the finale of the Fourth of July.

As we all know, no holiday is complete without an absurd amount of food.

This weekend, the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council — which is a completely legitimate organization — predicts Americans will eat more than 150 million hot dogs. To put that into perspective, try and imagine 150 million hot dogs.

If the thought of 15 million pounds of meat doesn’t encourage you to bellow Lee Greenwood songs while draped in stars and stripes, try watching the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest.

As they do every year, professional eaters will eat an obscene number of hot dogs and celebrate the achievement by battling violent bouts of diarrhea for the next week.

Beyond the cold beer and gunpowder, the Fourth of July is about America and how glorious a country it really is.

We work tirelessly bombing third world countries in order to keep the peace.

We dominate all the sports we made up because we were too slow to play soccer.

We continuously borrow money from China so we can thrive off our booming economy.

Why?

Because freedom ain’t free.

I encourage you to take some time between the alcohol infused chants of “U.S.A!” and the sound of your uncle’s extremities being blown across the yard by roman candles to think about the things that make America great.

This includes our democratic values, our storied culture and American (real) football.
Don’t forget to commemorate the heroes, too. If not for the valiant efforts of Will Smith and President Bill Pullman, we may have never survived the alien invasion in the late 90s. And if not for the unyielding perseverance of the American spirit, we would have certainly forgotten the Alamo.

By Charley Pennington
cjpennin@indiana.edu