A word on irony

Between hours of caffeinated cramming on stock options and futures contracts for my I-Core midterms, I’ve become quite the fan of renowned singer and alleged Canadian Alanis Morissette.

I stumbled upon her song “Ironic” at Starbucks. It’s one of those songs you’ve probably heard before at your local free-trade coffee bistro or farmers’ market but never really paid enough attention to warrant adding it to your iTunes collection.

The song is a mildly inspired commentary on the ironies of life, love and all things Canada. It’s actually kind of a downer, but 1996 was kind of a downer year, so I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt.

Among the things Morissette finds ironic are classics such as “meeting the man of my dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife” and “ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.”

I believe Morissette was attempting a stab at situational irony, where there is a discrepancy between expected and actual events.

For example, when John Hinckley attempted to assassinate Ronald Reagan, all of his shots initially missed the president; however, a bullet ricocheted off the bullet-proof presidential limousine and struck Reagan in the chest. Thus, a vehicle made to protect the president from gunfire was partially responsible for his being shot. This is 100 percent weapons-grade irony and is not to be trifled with.

Dramatic irony occurs when a spectator is given a piece of information of which a character is unaware, thus putting the spectator one step ahead of the character.

A good example of dramatic irony is seen in “Romeo and Juliet,” when Romeo kills himself — believing Juliet to be dead — while in reality Juliet just got really stoned on OxyContin and took a nap.

Verbal irony occurs when a speaker says one thing but means something else completely.

For instance, when I wrote “I’ve become a big fan of Alanis Morissette,” I was employing a form of verbal irony, because, of course, I absolutely hate everything Alanis Morissette stands for.

Having ten thousand spoons and needing a knife is unfortunate and stupid, not ironic. Meeting a man you fancy and finding out he’s married is not ironic either. Nor is it even exceptional; I believe it’s the entire plot of “Sex and the City” and quite possibly “Desperate Housewives.”

One important thing to consider with irony is making sure you don’t go around debating with everyone about irony. No one likes that person. He or she usually doesn’t get invited to parties and more often than not ends up compounding the problem by becoming bitter and resentful toward the world — and thus, more likely to argue whether something is ironic or not.

It’s acceptable to debate irony in the sanctity of one’s home, but for everyone’s sake, don’t go arguing about it in public.

The last thing you would want to do is be that pretentious grammar Nazi who ends up writing a column about irony in the newspaper.


E-mail: halderfe@indiana.edu