‘Friend zone’ and ‘Ladder Theory’

THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE LOVELY
From the quiet stacks at the Wells Library to the hustle and bustle on Kirkwood, IU students are whispering about their latest hookup story. Every week, my confidante Nancy and I talk out our proud and embarrassing highlights — from the different worlds of a daring, eccentric party girl and a good, preppy sorority sister — because the only thing we like better than cornhole is a scandalous gab.

The question to stand the test of time is whether or not men and women can be just friends.

Is there a secret longing for a kiss within a fist pound? Does the sexual tension deter what is fundamentally a friendship?

While girls can manage the integrity within the relationship, are guys actually picturing her naked? Or is it the other way around and guys can build a front against her allure?

Do we suppress feelings about a friend of the opposite sex or do we truly enjoy the other’s company for what it is?

Growing up with two brothers has made it very easy for me to be strictly friends with guys. In fact, in my next life I am coming back as a man.  

Life is as simple as sex, sports, beer, food and winning. As much as I would like to explain women, it is impossible and will only leave me frustrated. One minute I am studying journalism and the next I am joining the circus. Oh, it’s FINE.

Therefore, hanging out with guys is as good as letting a fart out in a museum. Simply hysterical. At the same time, I wonder if my guy friends have ever imagined if we could do more than get the basketball in the hoop.

The very first time a guy friend approached these dangerous grounds, I was completely unaware of his intentions. He was one of my best friends in high school, and we spent our afternoons cruising to the playground and going to small punk concerts on the weekends. Like peas and carrots, he taught me how to long board and I taught him how to play ping pong.

One day he claimed he had written a new song on his guitar and needed my opinion. I thought it was corny. His disappointment implied that it was for me and I played dumb.
When he officially asked me to be his girlfriend and confessed the song was for me, I did what any friend would do. I said yes.

Holding hands and kissing in the hallways surprised many, and it only lasted a short
time before we gathered our senses and went back to being buddies. The potential was there, but things were much better as friends.

While I can differentiate between the friend and the lover, Nancy believes in what she calls “The Ladder Theory.”

She theorizes that males have one ladder while females have two. A male places females upon his one ladder ranking how much or how little he wants to have sex with her.  

Females have two ladders: the friend ladder and the potential ladder. If a male who is situated upon the friend ladder attempts to jump onto the potential ladder, he will fall into the great abyss and struggle to climb back onto the friend ladder.  

Basically, a girl initially decides whether or not she wants to befriend or admire a guy.
A guy, on the other hand, decides how much or how little he wants to have sex with a girl. Cut and dry.

As college students, we become closer to the people with whom we spend consistent time. Because girls go out with each other to meet up with guys who went out in the same fashion, establishing a friendship with the opposite sex has a slim chance. A true friendship between the opposite sex is for now, rather than long-term.

At the same time, that friendship might be a joke where you are both driving each other crazy and cannot seem to find a comfortable ground. Ladders aside, there is no valid explanation to the mind-boggling intentions between ladies and gentlemen.