A turn for the worse

Normally I don’t like to get involved in national politics. Mostly because I’m always right and people don’t seem to understand why. But I have to express my inalienable right to serve up some truth. Ding. Did you hear that? Your justice is ready; let’s do this.  

Last Tuesday Barack “The Taxman” Obama signed into law the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act. I haven’t heard much about what it does, and that’s not really important. What is important is how much money will be left in your bottle after Washington takes a swig.

What really bakes my scrod is how the Big O is handling the cost of health care reform. He plans on actually paying for it. Raising taxes to account for new government projects? I don’t think he knows how America works. You start by legislating some new service. After that you cut taxes, and then you let the next guy figure out how to pay for it. It’s called procrastinating. All the cool countries are doing it.

There are a few new taxes that make me livid. First is a 10 percent service tax on indoor tanning. It’s expected to collect $2.7 billion by 2019. Obama obviously hates the Midwest. During the winter, I go tanning probably 20 or 30 times a month because we don’t get sunlight between December and March. This is devastating; my graham-cracker tan will fade to white like it was dipped in a glass of milk.

Effective in 2018, there will be a 40 percent excise tax on “Cadillac” insurance plans. These are insurance packages that cost more than $27,500 for families or $10,200 for individuals. I don’t understand why the government wouldn’t want me to spend more money.

My insurance plan is saving someone’s job. I also don’t see how other people can make it out there if they don’t go to the ER as much as I do. I’m not a doctor. I don’t know what the proper procedure is for stubbing your toe on one of the many uneven sidewalks in Bloomington. I’d rather have a professional roll their eyes while applying a band-aid than do it myself and screw it up.

It’s becoming clear that Obama hates rich people. Starting in 2013 there will be an increase of 0.9 percent to the Medicare payroll tax for individuals who earn more than $200,000 per year and married couples with annual incomes greater than $250,000. That’s almost a whole percent. Great, now I can’t afford more jet skis.

What could bother me more than paying taxes? Seeing the government take responsibility for mismanaged programs like Medicare Advantage, a program that forwards Medicare coverage to private insurers.

Through time, MA clients became liabilities to hospitals. Instead of Medicare reimbursing the fees, hospitals were paying for their patients. It’s like going into Qdoba and getting paid to eat a burrito. Obama has decided to cut the Medicare Advantage budget by $132 billion during the next 10 years and eventually might eliminate the entire program.

All this accountability makes me nostalgic for the American government of the 2000s. We used to live in the moment, cutting lines of taxes in the club bathroom, not giving a damn about tomorrow.


E-mail: nicjacob@indiana.edu