Don’t cough in my mouth

Don’t cough in my mouth. Seriously, it’s not cool.

Not that I’m one of those swine flu fanatics. It’s just I can’t afford to get sick, not here.

I got sick last year, and it wasn’t fun at all. Lying in the dorm room, strung out on Mucinex – which, it must be noted, seems to be the only medication ever prescribed by the Health Center – isn’t my idea of a great time.

Sure, sickness happens. But you not coughing in my mouth could be a great way to keep it from happening to me.

There are so many cool ways to cover your mouth. There’s the new use-your-elbow technique. Maybe you’ve seen it. Upon feeling the urge to cough, you raise your arm, turn your head and send your expectoration into your sleeve. Not into my mouth.

You could get out of my face as well. Do we really need to be three inches away from each other to communicate? I understand you’re probably trying to be personal. And yes, we are friends. But remember that whole absence-makes-the-heart-grow-fonder thing? How about you make yourself absent from the air I breathe?

Oh, now you’re offended? I guess I could have been a little bit nicer. But I’m not apologizing for concerning myself with my health. Don’t give me those put-off eyes when I say: “Cover, please.” Don’t say you didn’t feel it coming. I know you did. An apology would be most appropriate.

You did just cough in my mouth.

You’re not the only one I know who gets defensive. Every time I ask if someone’s washed their hands or offer them a tissue while they’re sniffling away, I get the same attitude: the “Who made you the health czar?” attitude.  

But I resent it. You’re offended at making me sick? My health, though I hate to admit it, is something that’s not entirely under my own control. Your actions – particularly mouth-to-mouth coughing – can make me sick.

It would be irresponsible not to question your health habits. I’m sorry it has to be this way, but it does. One person’s cough is another’s weekend in bed – or at the Health Center.

And that’s a fate worse than hell, if you can even get in.

Apparently, you can only get sick on this campus from 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. weekdays. Should you need help in the night, there’s Bloomington Hospital. But that’s not within walking distance.

Our computers get better care than we do. UITS is open 24 hours – but that’s probably because it takes them that long to fix anything.

If I catch your cough, I might as well give in. Throw in the towel. Surrender.
I’d fail all my classes with attendance policies and would probably have to get some shots. And I hate needles.

So please, don’t cough in my mouth.