The great runaround

Lately I have found myself in a difficult runaround. When I am not going on dates I dream up this romantic notion of how wonderful dating is, and then the second I get asked out, I remember that it isn’t always no-strings-attached wonderful.

The same thing with relationships. Even though I think that something more long-term could be fun, when I’m single I always forget about the fights and the compromises that come as part of the package.

I mean, even among us relationship lovers, who hasn’t found themselves three months into a perfectly good relationship only to discover that what you are really itching for is a little more excitement and a few random dates?

So then you ditch your significant other, thinking that maybe you were wrong and that security isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, only to realize that the dating song and dance of surface-y conversations and awkward moments isn’t exactly perfect either.

The net result of all of this short-term memory loss leaves you sitting on the other side of the fence with some not-so-green grass and shattered expectations – and all because you forgot dating truth No. 1: you can’t have absolute freedom and absolute security. You have to choose.

That’s the age-old dilemma, isn’t it? Comfort and security, or excitement and freedom?
Some like constant spontaneity and fun. They prefer to relish their lack of commitment and would rather have five new flings each week than sacrifice their precious freedom.

Most of the time I err on the side of security. I find myself attracted to the idea of a long-term, committed relationship. That’s not because I’m a woman and I have some innate biological desire to nest (because I have too many friends who are happy with random fraternity fun for consistency to be a strictly female thing).

I like relationships because of my personality. I like things to be comfortable and safe, and most of the time I can do without the spontaneity.

Yet I sometimes find myself asking, “Can’t I have both?”

But time and again I am left reassured that the answer is no. Even for all of our attempts to bypass the choice (think open relationships, “it’s  complicated” statuses and those booty-call buddies), it seems this is one of those you-can’t-have-the-cake-and-eat-it-too moments.

It’s not so different from the calls that this country has had to make recently. In the wake of national crises, Americans are always forced to make similarly difficult decisions. Safety or short lines at the airport, personal freedom or national security – it seems that not even a country as strong as the United States can skirt the choice.

Navigating security choices is always difficult. Granted, dating choices are much less difficult and don’t have such high stakes, but the spirit of the choice remains the same. If you want consistency and comfort, you can’t have new and exciting. It’s that simple.