Pre-teen techies

While watching the Hannah Montana movie in theaters last weekend I found myself disgusted. Obviously it wasn’t the film, which was one of the better movie experiences of my life. It was the audience. It was entirely made up of a group of people I generally get to avoid while living on a college campus. It was made up of the next generation.\nIf you ever go to a movie these days and come across members of the younger generation, you’ll notice something. They all have their cell phones out. They are texting nonstop, and therefore illuminating the theater nonstop. It’s repulsive. And if you think about it, it’s a little repulsive that they all have cell phones in the first place. They aren’t driving, after all, so what do they need them for? Who are they talking to anyway?\nThis generation also grew up in a time when computers and the Internet were fully entrenched in society. Our generation grew up alongside technology and can appreciate its power, as well as the possible threat of a world takeover by robots. These kids below us though, don’t have any concept of a world before computer technology. Instead of viewing computers as tools, they think of them as something that’s always been around — something that is absolutely necessary to human life.\nWe’re all thinking it. I’m going to go ahead and say it: They think of computers as kin. Be afraid.\nHow about this: Have you ever noticed that they all wear those printed hoodies with random words and convoluted designs all over them? They obviously send messages to each other in computer language encoded on the hoodies.\nAnd OK let’s face it. They are probably going to be the last generation on earth. No matter how many tips celebrities tried to give us about using reusable coffee filters during “Live Earth,” the planet is essentially done for. Our generation doesn’t really care because we’ll probably die before Earthlings have to flee to the moon or whatever. But the generation below us is different. They know that they have to start frying their minds while on Earth, so they can become completely made of wires and metal. This will help them communicate with aliens. It will also cause floating debris to ricochet off their metal heads when they fall out of their spaceships, which will be helpful to them.\nIf you don’t believe me, think about the fact that they all have Attention Deficit Disorder. When one kid in your class has it, that’s one thing. When all the kids have it — like all the kids in the generation below us do — something’s up. It is now the norm, not the exception. That’s scary. They can process too much. They know too much. They can multitask too easily. They can, for example, simultaneously watch the Hannah Montana movie and text outer space robots about how to take over the world.