Road warrior

I hate driving in Bloomington. Yes, hate. I know it’s a strong word; I chose it on purpose. Normally I wouldn’t waste my time or energy hating something as trivial as traffic. However, using Bloomington’s road network and the University’s transportation system boils my blood on almost a daily basis. \nHere, let me put it into perspective: Sometimes it takes me up to 25 minutes to get from my apartment near Sam’s Club to, say, the Wells Library (just more than four miles) if I go in the morning or between 4 and 7 p.m. Some might call this “rush hour,” but in Bloomington? Give me a break. When I lived and went to school in Indianapolis, an actual city with a population about 10 times that of Bloomington, it took me the same 25 minutes to get from the north side to the heart of downtown (nearly 13 miles).\nNow, I admit I would be comparing apples to oranges if this was a side-by-side comparison of the infrastructures of Indy and Bloomington. Obviously, Bloomington is much smaller and has neither the funding nor the desire to build a gem like I-465 – or any other “I” for that matter. Nevertheless, as the enlightened bumpers of Bloomington’s ’87 Corollas admonish, “Fix the roads we have!” That’s right, Bloomington; let’s try diverting some of the precious resources allotted to underage drinking enforcement or any of the other trivial garbage on which money is being piddled away and make some of the roads around here bigger. The two-lane road is so last century. That way, when someone (me) with somewhere to be (class) gets stuck behind a Monroe, Lawrence, Greene or Owen County driver going 10 mph under the speed limit, that someone can just pass instead of becoming hypertensive.\nIU deserves a tongue-lashing as well for the generous helping of suck that it delivers to the student body every year in the form of Transportation and Parking “Services.” The transportation department is only partially responsible for its shortcomings, though. I suppose I can see how it could be difficult to get a bus somewhere on time when it’s sitting in gridlock physically and financially. However, I just can’t wrap my mind around a 15-minute “B” bus drought only to get two buses back-to-back or an “X” bus sitting still at the stadium for 10 minutes fully loaded with late students. \nTransportation is a walk in the park, however, compared with IU’s resident tyrannical goons, Parking Enforcement. Think of these miscreants as the militant arm of the intellectually squalid Parking Services department. Never in my life have I experienced such a racket. They charge $90 for a student a pass that is only good a mile away from campus and doesn’t even ensure a ticket-free parking experience if, heaven forbid, student cars find themselves in the vicinity of Assembly Hall on game night. I think it’s about time for Extreme Road Makeover: Bloomington Edition.