Fasting ain’t fast

For one day a year, Starbucks’ sales take a huge hit. That one day is Yom Kippur, the Jewish holiday where practicing Jews fast (no food and water) from sun-down to sun-down. Having now fasted for the past seven years, I figured it’s time to give a running diary of what goes through my head during this difficult holiday. Here’s what transpired:\n6:31 p.m.: I just ate my last meal for the day with my family. I’m incredibly pissed off because the sun is not actually going down until after 7 p.m., because of Mitch Daniels’ stupid Daylight Savings rule. Damn you, Mitch Daniels. This dinner should be later.\n7:47 p.m.: I’m sitting here at services looking at all these people that know every detail of my life and I can’t even remember their first names. On a side note, does anyone else really enjoy singing at services? I don’t know a majority if the words I’m singing, but I sing my little heart out anyway.\n8:40 p.m.: The sun is finally down. I could have been eating up until this minute, but I’m not. Damn you, Mitch Daniels.\n11:45 p.m.: Time to go to bed. I’m starving already and it’s kind of pathetic. I need my fourth meal at Taco Bell and I can’t have it. I wish I could just sleep all day tomorrow.\n10:45 a.m.: Temple has been going on for over an hour at this point and I just woke up. Yeah ... I’m that guy.\n11:15 a.m.: I just parked my car in the grass and I’m doing my voice warm-ups as I walk into the temple to gear up for singing – still starving.\n12:00 p.m.: I should be watching the Hoosiers play now. OK, that’s just a joke. Let’s be honest ... no one actually goes into the games. I should be tailgating. Wait, tailgating ... food ... damn I’m hungry.\n1:07 p.m.: It’s time to reflect on all the wrongs I’ve done this past year. \n2:03 p.m.: I’m ready for my Yom Kippur TV/naptime. The Yom Kippur TV/nap is pretty much the same thing as my normal Monday through Friday nap except that I’m thirsty and starving.\n3:45 p.m.: I think this must be a test. I’m officially beyond starving and I’m watching the Notre Dame football game. Beside the fact that they finally put a TD on the board, I watched a set of commercials that went as followed – Wendy’s Baconator, Sonic’s slushies, “This is ooooour country” and a TGI Friday’s table of people eating and looking happy. Could you torture me anymore? I’m already starving, so don’t show me food, drinks and the worst commercial ever created all in a row. I think Mitch Daniels created that Mellencamp commercial. Damn you, Mitch Daniels.\n6:30 p.m.: If it wasn’t for “My Man Mitch,” the sun would be down. Damn you, Mitch Daniels\n6:31 p.m.: I’ve made an executive decision. If I close the blinds and turn off the lights, then the sun’s down. OK, so that doesn’t make sense. But you don’t fast for an entire day and then come up with good ideas. \n7:29 p.m.: The sun’s down enough. I’m eating. I should have started eating an hour ago. Damn you, Mitch Daniels.