Jet blues

For me, home is too far to drive for just the Thanksgiving weekend, so last Wednesday I braved the holiday hordes and flew out of Indianapolis International Airport. Now let's be clear: JFK is an international airport. LAX, Dulles, Atlanta and O'Hare are all international airports.\nIndianapolis, you wish.\nThe Indianapolis Transportation Security Administration agents must suffer from a miserable inferiority complex. Nothing else could explain their behavior when I pulled out my ID and boarding pass. Totally uninterested in my identity, the agent demanded access to the fluoride-based WMD in my Ziploc baggy. I'd have been lucky to get two more uses from the tube, but because Aquafresh apparently has the explosive potential of C-4, it was confiscated.\nIt became immediately apparent that the only word to describe TSA regulations is reactionary. Just look at the scale of the attacks needed to realize the benefits of x-raying everything that goes on board. But the only thing between me and the gate was the mandatory shoe inspection and the bomb-sniffing machine, and I wasn't about to make a fuss and risk missing my flight.\nEver since British nut-case Richard Reid attempted to blow a hole in his transatlantic flight, the TSA has required airports to x-ray passengers' assorted footwear. TSA insists the policy works because no one since Reid has tried to turn their Timberlands into M-80s, but the truth is just that no one is stupid enough.\nAmazingly, it wasn't my shoes that set the agents into a hazmat-sized panic. Nor did the butane lighter in my pocket or the set of lock picks in my laptop case (absolutely true) particularly bother the man behind the x-ray machine. No, I was pulled aside for the travel-sized bottle of contact lens solution, which measured a full half-ounce more than the three-ounce limit on fluids. Naturally fearing the gallows or guillotine for the contraband listed above, I passed on a discussion about the relative dangers of salt water in a squeeze bottle.\nThe ban on liquids comes on the heels of news reports that falsely claim a home-made explosive could be engineered on board an airplane using standard toiletry products. The fact of the matter is that distilling acetone and other mild combustibles actually requires a considerable chemistry set. You have a greater chance of bringing down an aircraft with a Molotov cocktail made from duty-free Bacardi 151 than nail polish remover and a match.\nTSA regulations fall dreadfully short of addressing reality. The agency ought to be focusing its attention on the future of skyjackings, not just trying to stop lightning from striking twice. Terrorists are inventive. What good is a ban on whatever the last guy tried? \nAside from being an abject aggravation, improper regulations are detrimental to airport security. Having agents screen for harmless gels and liquids means fewer box cutters and other potential weapons are being seized. If an idiot like me could get through -- twice -- someone with the foresight to plan his attack is virtually guaranteed access to the cockpit.