Dear Harlan,\nNot only am I a freshman in college experiencing all these new experiences, but I'm totally, completely in love with this guy who is six years older than me and who I won't see until September. He's deployed in Kosovo. Don't get me wrong; I am very proud of him, but I know it is going to be hard. I want to wait for him. I want to be here when he comes back because I am in love with him, but I know how hard it's going to be. I've also had a real hard time making friends in college. Luckily, I love my roommate, but I'm having a hard time really fitting in with a group. Any advice?\nA Little Confused \n_________________________
Dear A Little Confused,\nHere's the not-sugarcoated side of this: When you're 18 and in love with a 24-year-old, it can be as if your head is in a cloud. It's hard to know if it's a great relationship or a perfect escape from a tough transition. This is why you need to have people in your life (family and old friends) who can pull your head out of the clouds, support you and be honest with you. This is also why you MUST HAVE A LIFE while apart from your boyfriend. All that distance can make an imperfect relationship seem "perfect." Do yourself and your boyfriend a favor and enjoy living life while apart. The happier you can be apart, the happier you can be together (in theory). Blink, and in four years, college will be behind you. Enjoy it all -- not just the reunions that bookend time.
Dear Harlan, \nMy girlfriend of two years and I both just recently went off to college on opposite sides of the country. Both of us thought that it would be better to try to move on. After the first six months, however, the only real change is the fact that we don't actually get to see each other. The distance is driving us crazy, but not apart. We have both been out on dates, and we've both come to grips with the distance, but nothing feels right without her. I don't know how to pursue this relationship, and neither does she. This "not quite knowing what it is" relationship is starting to become mentally and emotionally taxing. I guess I'm really just looking for any advice you can offer, as this matter has been weighing heavily on my mind. Neither of us wanted to break up, and if we had stayed together, I can honestly say that I'm sure it would have eventually led to marriage. As it is, that is still an eventual possibility, which is part of the reason this situation is so infuriating.\nTorn Apart
Dear Torn Apart,\nBreaking it down, there are 32 weeks in a school year. There are 52 weeks in the calendar year. The Internet is free. Cell-to-cell minutes are free. Online video is almost free. Counseling at school is free (or almost free). It costs more to NOT be together than to be together! Why not date for the next seven years? Get married in your 20s. Then look back at the long distance as a brutal time, but the time you realized it would be forever. And if it doesn't work, you'll never regret trying. That said, make sure you have a life apart. It will only make life together sweeter and longer \nlasting.
