I do (not)

With the help of a course assignment, and the knowledge of the recent engagements of some friends from high school, I've come to realize the existence of one of the most lucrative, fraudulent industries in the United States: weddings.\nWhat comes to mind first on this topic is Jennifer Lopez's character in "The Wedding Planner," which I've unfortunately screened more than once (sorry, J. Lo -- more like J. No!). At the beginning of the movie, she talks of her childhood during which she'd have pretend weddings for her Barbie dolls. The plot wants the audience to root for her, so that she experiences her ultimate dream before the movie ends: To be the bride in her own wedding!\nI can't put into the words the blasphemy that is this culturally-created and media-reinforced concept: That a woman's "happiest day of her life" is her wedding day. \nRight. Happy.\nIs it because she gets to spend thousands of dollars (if she can) on food for people she sees yearly and fake pearls for her bridesmaids to wear for a day? Or because she gets to panic about looking beautiful and thin in her constraining white dress? Or maybe because she knows the traditional wedding ceremony places her as a commodity being passed from one man (her father) to another (her husband).\nPlease don't let my feminist jargon scare you. It is the truth, after all.\nAside from the cultural implications, the traditional heterosexual wedding ceremony (oh wait ... that's the only legal kind) is unnecessarily expensive.\nPart of my noted course assignment involved reading "Bridal Guide" magazine and two other wedding planning supplements. The particular issue I had the pleasure to scan was the "Wedding Budget Special." "Gowns Under $1000" was the big story. Finally, ladies! Options you can afford! That is, if you're willing to forego paying for food and lodging for a month in order to purchase a puffball of material. I prefer regular meals to outfits that aren't acceptably worn for more than one day.\nThe magazine also featured very beautiful pink and lacy seat covers for chairs at the reception, and invitations that look like mini holiday gifts with bows. Neat!\nMy sarcasm can be devastating.\nOn that note, I don't think weddings are inherently bad. And I wouldn't chastise my friends or family for holding one in response to their decision to marry -- if that's what they think they really want. \nI'm just not scared to question and discourage an irrelevant, mildly oppressive and gratuitously lavish tradition.\nIt's interesting how long a person can go through life without realizing the meanings behind the things they do: their customary actions and the traditions they uphold. \nI feel fortunate to have developed a sense to question convention of wedding ceremonies before I, myself, blow $30,000 partly so Uncle Bill can dance drunkenly to "We Are Family."\nMaybe I'm too cynical.\nOr maybe you think I'm completely logical, brilliant and hilarious. I do.