License to kill?

This week marks another first in my life. I was the victim of aggravated assault with an automobile. Yes, that's right. My roommate Seth hit me with his freaking car.\nIt was the first time I've ever fallen prey to such a heinous crime. Luckily, I'm going to pull through, but really, this brings up an interesting question: What kind of person hits his roommate with a car?\nLet me paint the scene for you. It was about 4 o'clock on a beautiful afternoon (perfectly clear visibility, might I point out) and we were coming back from the grocery store. We needed to stop and get the mail, which we hadn't done in about a week (I hear that's a good idea, especially when you're expecting bills).\nAnyway, this is where our versions of the story diverge.\nHe says he let me out of the car and then looked in the rear-view mirror to make sure there wasn't a car coming. Worried that he was too close to a curve in the road, he claims he pulled up to ensure our safety and that's when he bumped me with his car.\nI saw things differently.\nHe was clearly a little anxious to get home from the grocery, worried that his frozen Hungry Man meal was melting in the freakish 60-degree weather. Now, as a journalist, I feel the need to point out that I can't prove this next part, but I'm pretty sure it's accurate. As he thought about it, he realized that if he took care of me (his friend who just paid for all the groceries), he could have both his and my Hungry Man frozen meals all to himself (who can blame him, each one has a full pound of food).\nThat's when I made my fateful mistake and stepped in front of the car. Little did I know he had blood on his mind as he revved the engine and plowed into me with his Honda Element.\nOf course he tried to play if off as a joke, laughing as I got back in the car, but I saw right through it. He wanted two full pounds of frozen goodness and it was clear he'd stop at nothing to get it.\nThe situation cooled off on the rest of the way home as he made sure I was OK. He says he was concerned. I think he was just disappointed I was still alive.\nIt was soon clear, though, that he did feel a little twinge in his chest. Guilt.\nHe needed to clear his conscience. Later, in the kitchen as we put away the groceries, I was opening a trash bag which happened to graze his arm.\n"There, we're even," he yelled.\n"Shut up, you hit me with your car!" I pointed out.\n"I don't regret what I said."\nConfused, I pointed out, "Seth, you didn't say anything. You hit me with your car."\n"Actions speak louder than words," he declared.\nHe's got me there.