Question: I am currently having sex with a professor. I know this is not a very good idea but the professor is helping me with my grades for sexual pleasure. What should I do?
Answer: Sexual experiences between professors and their current students are rarely discussed, so we don't have reliable information about how common such relationships are or how these relationships are typically negotiated. \nIn some cases, the relationships are based on mutual romantic or sexual interest, meaning both partners are involved because they WANT to be involved (e.g. they like or are attracted to each other). In other cases, one partner might feel liking or attraction, and the other partner might have become involved for other reasons, like a grade, as you mentioned. \nIf you are comfortable with this situation but would simply like to talk with someone objective about it, consider making an appointment with a counselor on or off campus. Aside from being professionally trained to handle these types of issues, counselors are great because they offer confidential services. If you have questions about the level of confidentiality that a counselor can assure you, please ask him or her to explain the confidentiality policy. Such questions are common and counselors certainly want to help clients feel at ease.\nIf you are NOT comfortable with this situation, there are several options to consider. Once again, you might meet with a counselor. You might also consider meeting confidentially with someone in your on-campus student advocates, student ethics or affirmative action office. In this way, you can learn more about campus policies related to sexual relationships between students and professors, your rights as a student and what can be done if you want to end the sexual relationship. They can also serve as your advocate if you want to change the situation but are concerned about what might happen to your grades or academic standing if you speak up.\nSometimes students in these situations might feel powerless or concerned that their professor will "get back" at them for saying anything or for stopping the relationship. If you feel this way, it might be particularly important for you to meet with a counselor or someone from a student advocates or student ethics office who can help you learn more about your rights and how to protect yourself academically. \nEven though students have a responsibility to act professionally in (and out of) the classrooms, professors do too. In fact, professors are often bound by ethical guidelines as well as university policies that place restrictions on sexual relationships with current students.\nBecause of the mixing of roles and power, the relationship is not equal even if professors and students are of a similar age and intelligence because the faculty has authority and power over the student in his or her supervision and in classes. Thus, if something goes wrong in the relationship, how will that affect class performance or evaluations (e.g. grades)? If the relationship is good, how can the professor be fair in evaluating the student? In what position does this put other students? And if other faculty find out, how will they view the student's abilities and grades, and will they make assumptions (or have similar expectations) about the student? It can be difficult to keep these relationships completely secret, and there is a lot to think about. Unfortunately, that often only happens after a relationship has dissolved or hurtfully ended.\nI hope this is a helpful starting place for you to consider what you want to do, if anything. If you need help looking into confidential campus services that might be of help, please let us know and we will be happy to make a few calls -- without using your name -- to find that information out for you. In the meantime, if you have any further questions or comments about this situation or others, please feel free to write again.
