Picking difference

I was pleasantly surprised to read Wednesday that the Houston Comets' forward Sheryl Swoopes is gay, although an WNBA star coming out as gay is about as shocking as a Baptist preacher coming out as Republican.\nHowever, when I read further, I was surprised by something Swoopes said: "Do I think I was born this way? No."\nI thought every gay person knew the drill. When people ask us why we're gay, we are supposed to explain that we've always been like this, that we didn't choose it.\nBut there it was on the front page of The New York Times' Web site: Sheryl Swoopes chose to be gay.\nConservatives already believe gays choose their sexuality. In fact, that's the fundamental building block of their arguments for amendments to ban gay marriage and for banning adoptions by gay parents. See, if being gay isn't a choice, then all the meddling moralists who want to limit the rights of gay Americans are punishing people for things they can't help. (Not to mention that the Religious Right's version of God is a bastard for creating people who are born into abomination.)\nOn the other hand, most gay people I know become apoplectic when someone suggests they could change if they really wanted to. They've been gay as long as they can remember, and they get tired of saying, "I can't help it!"\nThen people like Swoopes come along and say, "Yeah, I wasn't always like this, but now I am." Gay people feel betrayed while conservatives are ecstatic over "proof" that gay folks are nothing more than willful perverts. All of that seems bad.\nBut the more I think about it, the more I see the merits of Swoopes' position.\nWhen we say we can't help it, we're also saying, "... but I would if I could." In other words, we're saying heterosexuality is really the way to go, but since we can't measure up to that ideal, we're doing the best we can.\nThat mindset allows the majority culture to make us feel guilty about who we are, and that's wrong. We shouldn't have to feel guilty. We shouldn't have to apologize for being gay in order to take our place at the table of equality, any more than blacks should apologize for not being white or women should apologize for not being men.\nI didn't choose to be gay, but I've come to the point in my life where I realize I wouldn't change if I could. I'm happy with who I am.\nThere are millions of gay Americans just like me who have been different since day one and now embrace and celebrate that difference. There are probably millions of others like Sheryl Swoopes who took a long, hard look at their lives and realized they'd just rather be gay. There's room for all of us.\nBut what there isn't room for is allowing anyone to make gay people feel that they're broken because they aren't straight. Some of us chose our sexualities and some of us didn't. Complication and ambiguity are what make sexuality so uniquely human.\nAnd so amazingly beautiful.