I heart the Game Show Network

I've found my true calling in life. I've decided to become a professional game show contestant. \nWith the advent of the Game Show Network showing episode after episode of all kinds of game shows, 24/7, I think now is a prime time for me to get into the market. But there is currently a roadblock for each of the popular shows.\nThe obvious first choice for my television debut is "Jeopardy." The show has outfitted a large Winnebago and named it the "Brain Bus."\nNot only can people play games for fun when the bus comes to town (using the same buttons from the show, no less) but the first 1,000 participants are guaranteed pre-tests to try to become contestants on the show.\nThere is only one problem with me trying out for "Jeopardy." I get really confused with the whole answer in the form of a question thing.\nI'm sorry, but it just doesn't make any sense. Try flipping it around in your mind and asking the question first. You would never use the given answers.\nWhoever thought this new technique would be a clever idea must have been pretty obnoxious at a dinner party.\nThe host would ask what the guy wanted to drink only to hear, "What is a food or drink used to stimulate the appetite usually before the main course?"\nAnyway, the moral of the story is that I am not cut out for "Jeopardy."\nMoving on, I thought about trying out for "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" But it's just not the same without Regis. Enough said.\nMy next favorite show would have to be "Lingo," where teams of two contestants try to guess the right five-letter word. Sure, the banter between the host, Chuck Woolery, and that blonde is obnoxious, but the game itself is pretty solid. It's not too stressful (no loud buzzers or dramatic music playing the whole time), and I can have a partner.\nThe problem with Lingo, however, is that I can't spell. I know, a little ironic coming from the journalism and English major, but it's bad. The day that Microsoft Word started underlining misspelled words with that little red line, I almost broke down in tears of joy.\nYou might be thinking that spelling isn't particularly difficult when the words can only be five letters long, but I figure one brain fart, and I'd say something like "Cough. C-O-U-F-F."\nDo you know how hard it would be to get a job after that? That is not a risk I am willing to take.\nOther problematic game shows include "Family Feud" (my family only has four members), "Wheel of Fortune" (weak upper body strength), "Hollywood Squares" (Whoopi Goldberg gets on my nerves) and "The Weakest Link" (I have no desire to be belittled by a stern woman with a British accent.)\nDon't worry, though. My moment of glory as a professional contestant will come; I just need to wait for the right opportunity to present itself. Maybe it will come up with a show called, "Best writing under 600 words," or "Is it microwaveable?" \nUntil that day, however, I will remain glued to GSN, training for the trials that await me.\nAnd practicing my best "deep in thought" face.