Minority migration

Just as endangered birds in the wild flock together, endangered minorities, in this giant bird cage called IU, flock together. Because the vast majority of IU is populated by Christian Caucasian Cardinals, an astoundingly prolific breed, all the religious, racial and sexual minorities tend to nest in groups on campus. \nDon't think so?\nWell then, hang on to your babies and beverages, because we're going for a ride on the Bloomington Bird-Watchin' Bus!\nTo your left, residing in the McNutt dormitory, we have a large flock of "Jewish Jaybirds." To your right, nesting in Eigenmann Hall, you can spot a pack of "African AmeriCanaries." To your left, grouping near the Tulip Tree Apartments, we have a sizeable gathering of "Asian Albatrosses!" To see the rest of this flock, we're off to the library! \nWhile some might claim that pinpointing areas of segregation is borderline bigotry, this is simply a liberalized, knee-jerk reaction -- because the satire in this case does not derive from bigotry, but from the humorous, evolutionary migration of minorities. Year after year, minorities end up flocking to the same housing areas. But how does this happen?\nAccording to Director of Housing Assignments Buck Walters, "No demographic information concerning race, religion, (sexual preference) or ethnicity is included on the dorm enrollment application." Therefore, these housing trends could only be perpetuated by minority members choosing to reside with their specific flock.\nSelf-designated separation can be seen through the flight patterns of my own minority: the "Queer Quails." Just as birds fly south in the winter, homosexuals fly south on campus in the fall, gathering somewhere near Read Center. It's really quite a spectacle to see: hundreds of music majors fluttering about, assembling nests of discarded Hoosier Café chicken fingers and "Songs for a New World" sheet music.\nIt's all about minority migration. Substitute feathers with feather boas, and we're nothing more than giant gaggles of gay geese. \nUnlike bird watching, you don't need binoculars to witness these distinct migrations -- all you need are stereotypes. For example, if you're an artistically gifted, soy-loving lesbian with a hair color found only in the Crayola 84-pack, you probably live in Collins. If you're a closeted bisexual who shimmies to Shakira in your XS boxer briefs, chances are you live in Forest. If you're a theater diva with a heavy lisp and a glitter permit, you probably live in Read. \nOn Facebook.com, these stereotypes become increasingly validated. The number of gay, lesbian and bisexual individuals living in the Southeast neighborhood (Read, Forest and Willkie), as opposed to the Northwest neighborhood (McNutt, Briscoe and Foster) is supremely unbalanced: roughly 3 to 1. \nSo how and why does this cycle perpetuate? Are these self-imposed, homosexually-sequestered nests healthy or harmful?\nFor endangered birds, the tendency to form collective masses is quite natural. Not only does a large mass frighten off prey, but it becomes a community where safety and security are ensured. The fact of the matter is some minority students need that kind of kinship to feel comfortable because everyone wants to feel normal. \nNo one wants to fly alone.