Hong Kong phooey

I have a lesson for you, young grasshoppers.\nThis week's episode of "The Surreal Life" chronicled the housemates' struggle to make cinematic history. The result was "Seven Celebrities of Death," a chop-socky spoof in which the famously dysfunctional -- not to mention entirely un-Asian -- cast managed to cram every existing offensive Asian stereotype into four minutes of film. \nDon't act like you don't know what I'm talking about, either: the accent, the "Pu-Pu" jokes, the bestial-sounding Bruce Lee martial arts shriek ... even the most culturally sensitive American has partaken in one of these at some point, or at least snickered at his friends' depictions. It becomes reflexive after seeing so many of these portrayals -- which, despite the media's painstaking efforts to avoid offending any other minority groups, abound on TV and in film.\nWatching the "Surreal Life" cast members channel the spirit of Long Duk Dong while sporting topknots and Cleopatra eyeliner made me feel like I was seeing the Asian equivalent of blackface. That thought was made even more disturbing by the fact that one cast member, rapper Da Brat, is African-American. Not only do Caucasian people see nothing wrong with ridiculing Asians, but apparently, neither do other American minority groups who have experienced discrimination at the hands of whites.\nSo why, well into the 21st century, is this the case? In an excellent www.backstage.com article, actor/producer Annie Lee offered her theory: "I feel like Asian Americans aren't where other minorities are at, because we're soft-spoken people. Our culture teaches us to respect, and we're not a very outspoken race. We don't say, 'I want my voice!'"\nThis characteristic politeness must have emboldened the editors at Details magazine, who ran a "Gay or Asian?" piece last April. One item on the checklist read, "Ladyboy fingers: Soft and long. Perfect for both waxing on and waxing off, plucking the koto or gripping the Kendo stick." \nThe piece was met with understandable outcry from the Asian American population, resulting in a public apology from Details, but such a feature would never have run in the first place if it had depicted any other race. \nPerhaps even more problematic are the subtler ways in which Americans insult Asians, because their unintentional nature makes them more difficult to prevent. In Gwen Stefani's hugely popular "Rich Girl" single, her attempt at a complimentary shout-out to her ever-present Harajuku harem sounds more like Veruca Salt demanding an Oompa-Loompa: "I'd dress them wicked, I'd give them names." That's what you do with Barbies, not humans.\nIt's similar to the fetishization of Asian women by American men. It's one thing to have a preference for a certain look, and quite another to objectify every woman of a certain race based on notions of subservience and eagerness. (Dubbing the preference as "yellow fever" in fetish magazines doesn't help, either.)\nAs with all discrimination, ignorance is the biggest reason behind the continued racism against Asian Americans in this country. According to the 2002 Census, there were only about 12.5 million Asians and Pacific Islanders living in the States. With so little exposure to members of Asian cultures, I guess a lot of us just don't see the error of our ways. But it's high time we learned. \nThere's even less of an excuse for ignorance among IU students. The campus has a huge Asian population compared to a lot of other parts of the country. Take advantage of that by talking with Asians in your classes and dorms. Not only will you learn that not all Asians are Chinese, but you might even form a friendship that will make you think twice about bustin' out your Mr. Miyagi impression during your next trip to Dragon Express.\nTrust me -- it was never funny anyway.