But isn't it pretty?

Ah, fall. The time of year when the leaves begin to turn brilliant shades of yellow and red just before they shrivel up, die and fall to the ground. Fall is also the best season for IU recruiters, as the campus is looking its best. Recently I was lucky enough to happen upon a group of high school students taking a tour of their prospective new home. The following is a re-creation of the conversation that took place:\nTour Guide: Welcome to our beautiful campus. Isn't it beautiful? We spend millions of dollars a year to make sure our home is a beautiful place, but nothing can replace the beauty mother nature provides us. Over here you'll see the Main Library.\nHigh-school student: I heard that the library is sinking slowly.\nT.G.: Yes, the library is sinking, and soon it will be completely submerged underground. But aren't the leaves beautiful?\nStudent: Well, yes but ...\nT.G.: Over here you can see the Neal-Marshall Black Culture Center and just beyond it stands the IU Auditorium.\nParent of a high-school student: I read that IU's student population is only 3 percent black. For a campus that brags about striving for diversity, that number seems pretty small.\nT.G.: Well, actually, IU's student population is 3.8 percent black, but who cares about demographics when you gaze upon the beautiful surroundings? It's like going to college in a park. Moving on. Over here you have the famous fountain with the missing fish rumored to be in Bob Knight's basement.\nAnother student: I heard that after the men's basketball team went to the Final Four a few years ago a bunch of students were tear-gassed while celebrating. It seems like there's a lot of tension between students and the IU Police Department.\nT.G.: Well sure there's tension, but what do you expect on a dry campus when students constantly feel like they can't even walk home for fear of being arrested for public intoxication? But who would want to be drunk anyway? It would blur your vision of the beautiful fall colors.\nAnother parent: Speaking of safety ... What's with the blue lights? I heard they haven't actually stopped a crime from happening since the day they were installed.\nT.G.: Well, no, they haven't. They're actually completely ineffective and a complete waste of money, but when the blue light bounces off the trees at night, it's beautiful.\nAnother student: As long as we're on the subject, I heard that a student jumped out of Ballantine Hall last spring and another fell to his death from Briscoe.\nT.G.: Yes, both of those incidents occurred. But you have to understand: It was the beginning of spring. The campus wasn't as beautiful as it is in fall, and the gardeners hadn't planted the flowers yet. Moving on. Over here is the giant hole that will eventually be Simon Hall.\nAnother parent: That looks like an expensive project. I read that IU has raised it's tuition several times in recent years and its becoming harder for middle-class families to afford secondary education.\nT.G.: Well, yes, college is expensive. But isn't the beauty of the fall colors worth every last dime you'll fork over?\nAnother parent: Speaking of money, what's with that athletic fee I heard about? The students get free tickets or something for that, right?\nT.G.: Well, no, they don't get anything other than an Athletics Department with a great history of success.\nAnother student: Wait, I thought both the football team and basketball team sucked.\nT.G.: No, they don't suck. They're just too busy admiring the beauty of campus to practice.\nAnother parent: Wait, so you're telling me that no matter what we find wrong with this school, the beauty of the campus completely makes up for every shortcoming?\nT.G.: Exactly.