Hack up my face, please!

What's the first thing I do when I hear about an appalling new concept for a reality show? I get all up in arms about how horrendously sordid and degrading it is … then I watch it just to prove to myself that only a fool would watch it. Damn you, FOX. You've figured me out -- I do so love to be offended.\n"The Swan" premiered last Wednesday and it was everything I hoped it would be. Seventeen average-looking women will undergo three months of cosmetic surgery, fitness training, pageant coaching and (thank God) psychiatric counseling in order to compete in a beauty pageant. The person who makes the biggest physical and emotional transformation wins, but what will happen to the shaky self-esteem of those women who don't make it to the pageant?\nRegarding the contestants on the show, "Swan" creator Nely Galán said, "The idea was we wanted to find women who are stuck … They're like the living dead, and we want to resurrect them" (Orlando Sentinel, April 2004). I wonder if the ladies on the show would have been so eager to participate if the show idea had been pitched to them in this manner. \nWhy, oh, why must the producers of this show link beauty so closely with competition? Nothing could be more damaging in the end. It's one thing to help these women feel more confident about their looks and to renew their sense of self-worth, but then to say, "Sorry, love, those are very nice veneers you've got, but you're still not quite cute enough to make it to our final competition. Hope you're not too disappointed 'cause we're not giving you therapy anymore. Ciao!" Wednesday's runner-up did her best to be gracious, but who knows how future contestants will react to the rejection.\nI took a peek at "The Swan" Web site to see the before pictures of these women and all told, their worst physical features were more related to attitude than to their looks -- slumped posture, sad eyes and half-hearted smiles. Maybe it's just me, but surgery seems unnecessary when an excited grin and a proud, raised head would have done the trick and taken years off their appearances. \nTwice during "The Swan's" premiere episode, plastic surgeon Dr. Randal Haworth said, "We're going to maximize Rachel's femininity." I could not for the life of me determine where the hell he was getting that ridiculous phrase, especially considering feminine attributes such as wide hips and healthy fat stores are things plastic surgeons are often called in to "correct." Half of these shortcuts to beauty and youth sound ridiculous anyway, like something a couple of pre-med college students came up with when they were at the bar.\nStudent A: "Did you see that one slide they showed in class today? That one with the case of botulism?"\nStudent B: "Yeah, ugh, that was nasty. (hiccup) Hey, give me another beer."\nStudent A: "Whoa. Can you imagine what would happen if they, like … injected that into somebody's face?"\nTwenty years later, we get Botox and with it, legions of forty-somethings with smooth foreheads, no crow's feet and freakishly expressionless faces. Chin implants, cheek implants, breast implants, calf implants -- what can't you get added onto your body nowadays?\nThe body should not be a huge concern. Average or stunning, we will all deteriorate over time and no amount of surgery can keep that at bay forever. Your mind and soul, however, will stay with you until the end and can be strengthened when you start giving yourself the credit you deserve. "Swan" wannabes, don't allow anyone, especially a bunch of TV producers, to exploit your lack of self-esteem. Come on! You're better than that.