Your childish Congress

Last week, the United States Sandbox -- I mean the "United States Senate" -- participated in a 40-hour nonstop debate over four of President Bush's judicial nominees whom the Democrats have successfully blocked through filibustering.\nThe word filibuster (which means extending debate and preventing a floor vote) comes from 19th century Spanish and Portuguese pirates, who were known as "filibusteros" and often held ships hostage. \nArr! Avast, ye big waste of congressional time!\nBut the media loves a good filibuster, because it always brings out the childish sides of elected officials.\nHere are the highlights of the events that transpired during the debate aired on C-SPAN2:\nWednesday, 6 p.m. -- Debate begins.\n6:10 p.m. -- Iowa Democrat Tom Harkin holds up a sign revealing his evening plans. "I'll Be Home Watching 'The Bachelor.'" Iowa voters are outraged, not because their senator isn't taking a position on the debate, but because he admits to watching "The Bachelor."\n6:47 p.m. -- Charles Schumer of New York unveils a "168-4" sign, clarifying that it represents 168 Bush-nominated confirmed judges and the four blocked, not the loss-win stats for the IU football team.\n7:10 p.m. -- The Washington Post reports Democrats are handing out a mock children's book entitled, "Republican Senators and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Night." Majority Leader Bill Frist's head explodes. \n7:45 -- On the Senate floor, Dick Durbin denounces the talk-a-thon as a "Let's-all-get-together-and-hold-our-breath" session. \n7:57 p.m. -- Durbin regains consciousness.\n8:43 p.m. -- Early reports that Judiciary Chairman Orrin Hatch called Ranking Member Patrick Leahy a "poop-head" are proven false.\n10:22 p.m. -- Republicans claim it's "unconstitutional" Democrats are holding up judges; Democrats respond, "Too bad we're holding up those that might determine if what we're doing is unconstitutional."\nThursday, 12:14 a.m. -- Republican Saxby Chambliss and Democrat Zell Miller protest the held-up nominees. \n3:00 a.m. -- After running out of rhetoric, Democrat Mark Pryor reads a chapter from Robert Caro's biography of Lyndon Johnson who, Pryor said, "was once a senator or something. I really don't know."\n5:42 a.m. -- As dawn approaches, Schumer returns to the floor wondering why Georgia voters would elect men named "Saxby" and "Zell."\n6:30 a.m. -- Pennsylvania's Rick Santorum says he's had 15 minutes of sleep in the past day and a half. Normally he says bone-headed things when he gets a full night's rest, so no one wants to ask what he said on the floor during debate.\nFriday, 12:42 a.m. -- The protest becomes the longest, nonstop debate in the Senate since a 1994 showdown over campaign finance reform. "I don't know why they can't ever debate something, what is the word I'm looking for here, maybe interesting?" one staffer says on the condition of anonymity.\n9:30 a.m. -- Debate ends. Democrats successfully block Republicans' push for a floor vote, just like they did days ago.\nPerhaps it didn't happen just like that, but it really was that childish. And how much did this circus cost taxpayers? An extra $2 million a day!\nNanna-nanna, boo-boo.